His name is Eric

He makes me laugh. He tells me I'm beautiful all the time. He sings to me when we're alone. (He calls me up at 6am just to sing 'You Are My Sunshine'!!!) He tucks my hair behind my ear and then kisses me on the nose ;)

He quietly takes my bags so I won't have to carry them. He's not afraid to carry my handbag (though I don't let him do this too often!). He patiently waits for me and never ever complains. He spends an hour sending me home, and then another hour getting back to his place.

He keeps me from getting lost. He gives hugs freely. He says the sweetest things - and really means them.

His name is Eric. He's the boyfriend who rocks.

I thought you'd never ask

But you did ;)

Happy birthday dearest! *hug*

Suan me. Suan me now.

I am She Who Walks Into Plants. No kidding.

Our first cell group meeting was hilarious. You had to be there. We had a new girl, Camelia, and I *think* she liked us =P another Harry Potter fan! The girls are so gonna do a movie marathon before the last two movies come out *grinz*.

She'd studied in Sydney, and we wound up telling her about Sam and I visiting Lis there. I said it was a fun trip, except Lis and Sam ganged up against me the whole time. Like when Lis signalled to me to get off the bus and I signalled back that I got it, but *apparently* they both thought I just looked blank. They call this look the 'elevator music' look. (This is in the June 23, 2007 post - I knew I blogged this!)

Humph. So anyway, as I'm telling this story and pouting that my best friend(!) and my own sister(!!) like to gang up on me, my dear Europe holiday buddy Siew May, who's sitting on my left, chips in, "Actually, yeah, she does have that blank look on her face when she wakes up in the morning..."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boo. So much for support from my girls.

And Sam proceeds to recount the 'wrong cinema' story. You know, the one where everyone's waiting for me at Cineleisure, while I'm racing to PS to try to make it in time for the opening credits. (Or was it the other way around? I forget.) Anyway, I make it to the cinema *just* before the movie starts, can't find anyone and call Sam. Only to realise I'm at the wrong cinema. The best part? The tickets had been booked by (you guessed it) yours truly! I remember Pete saying "We'll kill you later" as we finally ran into the right cinema hall. Sorry guys =P

In my defence, I said at least I didn't get lost (for once) getting to the cinema. I just went to the wrong one!

All this time Jason sits across the table with this bemused look on his face. We all know what he's thinking... "Suan me. Suan me now!" Heehee. Well, it IS good entertainment right. Like Camelia said, I bring happiness to everyone. Yeah, 'cos everyone's definitely laughing now ;)

And to compound the evidence for my utter lack of direction, I take two steps out the door as we're leaving... and walk right into a neighbour's plant. "OW!!!!"

Now how on earth did I do that????? Sighness. Now I know where all these scratches that mysteriously appear on my arms and legs come from...

I gotta say though, I really do *heart* my cell girls. I love how they're always there for me, for meals, movies and mayhem (I mean, er, holidays). Already May and I were planning our next Europe trip over dinner before cell. Italy!!!! Whee!!!!!!!! Sam - 15 years of history. *Ouch* =P And I'd had an awesome lunch with Jess that day - always a pleasure babe ;) Glad I still get to see you even though we've split. Honestly, what would I do without my girls?

... Mmmmmm well. I'd still be laughing at myself I guess. But I'd have less people to laugh with me ;)

It's You I live for, everyday

First CG meeting of 2010 tomorrow (technically, later today, heh). Super excited!!!! Still choosing songs for worship. I thought I'd decided already, but now I'm reconsidering. Wondering whether or not to include this one... it pretty much sums up all that I hope to see for each one of us this year.

Everyday

What to say, Lord? It's

You who gave me life and I

Can't explain just how

Much You mean to me now

That You have saved me, Lord

I give all that I am to You

That everyday I could

Be a light that shines Your name

Everyday, Lord, I'll

Learn to stand upon Your word

And I pray that I

I might come to know You more

That You would guide me in every single step I take, that

Everyday I can

Be Your light unto the world

Everyday, it's You I live for

Everyday, I'll follow after You

Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord

Everyday, Lord, I'll

Learn to stand upon Your word

And I pray that I

I might come to know You more

That You would guide me in every single step I take, that

Everyday I can

Be Your light unto the world

Everyday, it's You I live for

Everyday, I'll follow after You

Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord

It's You I live for, everyday

It's You I live for, everyday

It's You I live for, everyday

It's You I live for, everyday

Everyday, it's You I live for

Everyday, I'll follow after You

Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord

Everyday, it's You I live for

Everyday, I'll follow after You

Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord

And you wonder why I care

Trawling. It's a little bittersweet. I'm discovering a lot. And a lot of it makes me smile. Ah well. Que sera sera.

Anyway, I think I've gotten to the point where I'm happy to do it. And it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Yay me!

You know... I think I'm actually enjoying this. Quite a fair bit. And that's a very good thing ;)

Two weeks

Happy New Year y'all! It's 2010 already. Woot!

Last year was a year of ups and downs for me and mine. Who knows what this year will bring? Already it's off to a rollercoaster beginning. Each day a new surprise...

Well, I don't know about tomorrow... but I know Who holds tomorrow ;) So I'll start the year trusting Him, and hope I'll keep trusting Him all year through. It's the only way!

________________________________________________________________

I think I experienced a brief moment of self-doubt today. I was almost tempted to emo. Sheesh. I had to remind myself why I'm doing this. And the reason is enough to keep me going. (It's a good one.) And so instead of emo-ing, I started praying. And found my peace in talking to God.

Incidentally, I know I'm experiencing personal growth when something that would have sent me into a tailspin barely 12 months ago now drives me almost immediately to my knees. Looks like I have found a good balance after all. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

________________________________________________________________

(In case you're actually reading my blog.)

Have you heard the story of the boy with the ball of golden thread? You probably have. If not, I'll tell you the story some day. Anyway, here's something that popped into my head on the train ride home. I'm writing this down before I forget.

********************************************

The boy with the ball of golden thread
Wanted too much too soon
So he skipped all the stars of the Milky Way
'Cos he wanted the Sun and the Moon
But the Sun burned out and the Moon grew cold
And before he knew it he'd gotten so old
And he'd missed the beautiful stars of the Milky Way
'Cos he wanted too much too soon

The boy with the ball of golden thread
Wanted to shed no tears
He shielded himself from each demon and ghoul
'Cos he wanted to face no fears
But he felt no joy 'cos he felt no sorrow
And with nothing to fear all bravery was hollow
So the boy with the golden thread lost his soul
'Cos he never shed any tears

*********************************************

As if it wasn't obvious enough, this is a little bit you and a little bit me.

You were right (mostly). I was wrong (sort of). But it'll still be two weeks till I say I'm sorry.

Time goes by...

Why do we love? Because we were first loved.
Why do we give? Because we were first given the gift of life.

Keep loving. Keep giving. Keep living.

Merry Christmas y'all. Hope your Christmas was as meaningful as mine ;)

Leave, love

It's quiet when you're not around
But then you're never really gone
You exist in the starry skies
And in the words of this song
You're like the pull of the ocean-tide
And I'm carried along
Do I mean something to you, love,
Or am I just another heart you've won?

When I look at you I see
A tiny part of me
When you're looking back I wonder
If we could ever be
Looking back and now we know
That nothing comes for free
We've paid our dues, we've earned our right
To possibility

Leave, love, while I'm awake
Let's not recall the give or take
Leave, love, just leave me here
Leave while I still hold you dear

Tomorrow's coming soon enough
We're never out of time
Regret belongs to yesterday
For tonight you're mine
I was all right before you came
And I'll always be fine
But darling, if you steal my heart
You'll have to pay in kind

Leave, love, while I'm awake
Let's not recall the give or take
Leave, love, while you still can
Don't tell me that you'll be my man
Leave, love, just leave me here
Leave while I still hold you dear
Leave while I still want you near

The funny thing is... I think I want you to stay.

Everyone's a winner

Completing a marathon isn't easy, but it is simple.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. And listen to the voice inside your head.

"Run."

Moments of magic

Sunday morning. Wake up to birdsong. The family of kingfishers is at it again outside our window. Gorgeous.

Joined the 'rents at their church today. In the lift going down, Mom looks at Dad and starts shaking her head. She goes, "Mel, look at your dad. Isn't he horrible?" What? I think Dad looks great. But Mom hates his ensemble. Dad says, "At home don't say. Wait until I'm in the lift then tell me." But he says this with a smile. We get down and hotfoot it to the carpark after Dad... only to see him scratching his head. "Where did I park the car???" The old folks burst into giggles. It's music to my ears. Birdsong and laughter. Magic moments.

Min's hen party today. Well really just one big girls' day out. Spa day! Loved the massage, especially since I'd squeezed in a 10km run between service and meeting the girls. My whole body was aching. Mmmmmmm. Much better now. Ice cream from Cedele after the spa, courtesy of our glowing bride-to-be. We couldn't find the flavour she recommended, so we chose four different flavours instead. Stood out on the sidewalk sharing. (Orchard Road is gorgeous this year, by the way. Where we were standing, a symphony of blue and white, shining globes and delicate crystals. Quite lovely.) A total Kodak moment: all four of us with our spoons in one another's little paper cups, joking and laughing. Another moment of magic.

Sigh. I'm gonna miss those moments.

Weekend sweetness

Q: What will you do with your sphere of influence?
A: 'Twilight' them!

Haha. I'm fanning the flames of fandom in the Twilight fans among my GB seniors. Naughty me =P

BBQ at Grace's place today. Watched Shrek 3 with the girls. Tired myself out playing badminton with one of the boys (no actual court so we ended up playing at the entrance to the activity hall - and kept hitting the ceiling and the walls, heh). Got back Eclipse aka Twilight 3 from Zoe, lent her New Moon aka Twilight 2 again, then lent Eclipse to Shihui (hee!). Ate a ton of sausages and chicken wings (actually, just the drumsticks 'cos somebody gave me all her leftovers), fishballs, satay, chips, cupcakes and melty marshmallows. Yummmm. Didn't actually have to do much cooking - not after I'd burnt the first batch of sausages anyway =P Tried not to get too wet from all the splashing from the girls after they jumped into the pool (fully clothed, I might add!). Got kinda sorta serenaded by two of them - they lured me into a dark corner and sweetly sang me a few bars of Jay Chou's Caihong (Rainbow) accompanied by soft strumming on a borrowed guitar.

Awwwwwwwww... well it was a really sweet setup (I'm such a sucker for people singing and/or playing to me!), except they couldn't remember much of the lyrics. So then they happily scampered off to the pool - 'Pool first, sing later!' I never got the rest of the song though, since they were still in the pool by the time I had to go. I did get to sing a few songs with Grace and her daughter Heidi though. They make such a great team. Heidi said her strumming hand was tired so she asked her mother to strum while she played the chords with her other hand. It actually worked! So cool. Haha. And so sweet too. Another 'awwwwwwww' moment ;)

I love the GB people. I love my girls. I love my weekends. (Hen party tomorrow woot! This one very guai lah. Our dear Raspberry requested low key so we shall bow to the bride-to-be's wishes... no strippers, we promise!) *Smile*

Melancholy is just prettier

Grayscale (Melancholy is just prettier)

You grow up with yourself

You grow old with yourself

You think you know yourself

But you don’t really know yourself at all

And I have to admit I’ve grown blind

To my faults and flaws

I am a law

Unto myself

Can’t tell light from darkness anymore

Mix the black in with the white

Watch it turn to shades of grey

And call it beautiful

Yeah it’s so beautiful

If I took a snapshot of you now

What would I see

What would you be

Monotone monochrome

Or a burst of living colour on a dark dark night

Turn your head and catch the light

Capture your silhouette in my sights

Let’s hear it for gray

‘Cos melancholy is just prettier

The lack of colour

Makes you look past the colour

To the inside

‘Cos we’re all the same inside

We’re all beautiful

********************************

Went shopping with the girls tonight. Great time as usual. You babes never fail me.

Walking out of a shop, we happen across cute pink compacts with stick drawings of smiling girls on the lid. One has a girl wearing a baseball cap and clutching a baseball mitt, with 'Made it to second base!' scrawled under her.

Saf: I always wondered what second base was. Third base too. I know first base is kissing...

Me (equally mystified): And a home run means... sex, right?

Saf: Yeah, so second and third base mean... ?

Far (totally blurts this out): Perky territory!

Say what? We look at one another and crack up.

In another store, after much browsing and consultation, we've finally come to a consensus (PRETTY!). On our way to get our selections gift wrapped, we keep getting inexplicably sidetracked. It's like we're getting sucked from one side of the aisle to the other.

I am first enamored by a pretty pink pillow with a way cool, but very sweet, black flower design. This is maybe ten metres from the gift wrap counter.

Me: Oooooh look at this pillow! I want!

Far: Yeah it would fit right in with your room!

Me: Yeah... (sigh) ok better get to the gift wrap counter.

We don't get very far, however, before Saf spots some funky purple suitcases right opposite, and she's off.

Saf: Look purple luggage!

Me: Don't get sidetracked people, the counter's right there!

Saf: But... it's purple!

Far (almost makes it but looks back): Oh... it IS purple!

Saf reluctantly leaves the funky purple suitcases behind but her attention is almost immediately grabbed by more purple suitcases up ahead. These are bright purple, and one is the hugest-ass suitcase ever.

Saf: Look, it's so purple!

We make it to the counter after about five minutes. And then zigzag our way back out of the store.

But not before we help Saf find some 'suckling plastic'. Huh? Turns out she wanted vacuum packs. Well I've never heard it described quite that way but it does kinda make sense, hey? Suckling plastic. Heheh.

Ai... I'm gonna miss Saf. But yeah she'll be back before we know it. So... bon voyage babe. Hello Pandas forever!

I want you and your beautiful soul

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
Yeah

You might need time to think it over
But I'm just fine moving forward
I'll ease your mind if you give me the chance
I will never make you cry c`mon let's try

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Am I crazy for wanting you?
Maybe do you think you could want me too?
I don't want to waste your time there's not enough time to hide

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your soul
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
Ooooooo
Beautiful soul, yeaaaah
Oooooo, yeaah
Your beautiful soul yeah yeah yeaah yeaah

- Beautiful Soul (Jesse McCartney)

Looks like the standard of Singapore Idol this year has gone up some. Thank God.

Because I am emo kid

Today was one of those days where I wake up feeling so good – just happy to be alive. I stretch and wiggle my toes and snuggle a little more under the blanket and bask in the sunlight streaming in through the trees. I look around: pretty cushions on my bed, pretty curtains, pretty pictures on the wall, pretty birdie decal on the glass window, pretty basket of teddies. My room is so pretty. It’s a great room to wake up in.

I hop out of bed, wash up and throw my clothes on. I’m wearing a stripey blue blouse today with my favourite grey slacks, and my signature wide hairband. The blue makes me happy. The stripes make me happy. I smile at myself in the mirror – it’s gonna be a great day.

(Note to self: I am soooooooo easily satisfied. Honestly. *shakes head* No wonder I’m so bloody happy so much of the time. Not that I'm complaining. Happy is good, as long as it's not mindless. Which I don't think I am. Most of the time anyway...)

Yeah so, happy day, right? I'm not even gonna let the stupid people on the train get to me today. I'll just hold my breath as much as I can, try to avoid getting other people's hair in my face, ignore the shoving, squishing and trampling, and pretend guys aren't staring at me again. (Ok lah, better than girls staring. I find it seriously creepy when girls stare at me. Do they think I'm pretty, do I have food on my face, are they les, what? There was this one girl who did that to me the other day on the train. No change in expression, just superintense focus, like she was trying to laserbeam her way into my head. I ignored her at first, but I could feel her staring even when I turned my back on her. I glanced at her a couple of times. Still staring. No embarrassment. Finally I just kinda glared at her. AND SHE STILL WOULDN'T STOP STARING. Majorly weird. Ugh.)

Anyway, I digress. So I stay determinedly happy throughout the day, listening to music and bopping along. Horrible weather outside (makes me miss my bed) but music always gets me through. I'm anticipating Cat Power in Jan and giving serious thought to Muse as well. Oh and Budak Pantai really soon! Wheeee! My poor dear wallet.

So, ok, music. Head bopping. Happy. It's almost 5.30 - time to go! Then my cellphone rings. Turns out to be a sweet Chinese girl who mispronounces my name.

Sweet Chinese girl: Harro... may I speak to ah... Miss Merani Sim?

Me: Yes?

SCG: Hi, I'm from French Bridal.

(Oh, damn.)

SCG: Can I confirm your wedding date?

(Double damn.)

Me: Ah... sorry, I can't.

SCG: Oh, you haven't confirmed your date yet? Maybe you can give me an estimate so you can come down and see our dresses first...

Me: No, I mean... I don't have a date. I'm not.

SCG: Oh maybe you just come down first lah.

Me: No, I mean I'm not. I'm NOT.

SCG: Huh?... Nevermind you don't need a date, just come first...

(Damn damn damn. She's really not getting this is she? Ok, I'm not exactly making it easy for her, but what the heck am I supposed to say? I'm in the office, which isn't exactly the most private place. And I don't need to advertise what happened. I can't very well say what I want to say, can I? Which is really, "I don't have a wedding date I'm not getting married after all screw the freaking package already".)

She finally gets it, at least I think she does, or she might have just given up on me. I hit 'disconnect' and what do you know, that's exactly how I feel. Disconnected. My hands are shaking. I thought I was over this. God knows, it's been long enough. Just when you think it's all behind you... well life sure is funny that way huh. Haha.

So much for my great day.

Most of the time, it really doesn't matter anymore. I don't think about it. It's just another story from my past. A whole other life. I don't need to fight it or bury it or forget it - it just is. And that's okay. But every now and then I get reminded, usually when I least expect it. And it's just so not funny when that happens. I'd just rather let the memories fade away. There isn't much worth saving.

Now I'm all angsty. So I'm emoting it out here. Writing is therapy, catharsis for me. So, here.

I had dinner at Starbucks yesterday. I ordered a vanilla latte. It tasted good. It made me think of you.

I almost dropped my cream cheese bagel. It made me smile. It made me think of you.

I walked past Ben & Jerry's. (That one twinged a bit.) It made me think of you.

I took the train home. Walked back through the light rain. I was cold. It made me think of you.

I listened to my songs all the way home. Barenaked Ladies. In the Car, The Old Apartment, When You Dream, Break Your Heart, Call and Answer. It made me think of you, and you, and you.

A hundred yous, a thousand us-es. A million yesterdays, hellos and goodbyes.

Just one today.

And what I make of it.

A heart of gratitude

It's a beautiful Sunday afternoon, and I'm just feeling glad, glad, glad. I have so much to be thankful for! As I shared with my parents as we prayed together this morning, I'm just very very blessed. I was telling them about the Girls' Brigade and our team BBQ yesterday and what a great day it was. I love my weekends, I love my girls and I love my team. I'm sooooo glad my colleagues are my friends ;)

Team Rose - October/November babies' birthday celebration.

I haven't done this for a while - actually listed out the things I'm thankful for. I think I did that one birthday. Well, my birthday was a couple of weeks ago and the mini-celebrations (speaking of which, check out the cell group karaoke session heehee!) are finally winding up (last one tonight!) so let's make a list!

I'm thankful for:
1. My beautiful, wonderful family - my supportive, loving parents who are wise in many ways and incredibly patient with me at times (I hope I don't try them too much!) and my darling bro and sis who surprise me every now and then with how sweet and perceptive they are. Awwwww...
2. My friends - all of them! From the really close ones who are always there for me and to whom I can pour my heart out to (and who know ALL my secrets - I'm glad there are some people in this world who know me that well =P), to the ones who encourage and inspire me daily whether they know it or not, to the ones who always make me laugh and think and keep me from dying of stress, boredom or lack of intelligent and meaningful conversation.
3. My home, especially my gorgeous gorgeous room. My sanctuary and instant stress reliever. Not just because of the great colour scheme and decor (heehee) or fantastic view or even my fave books and music, but also because it's filled with lots of love. Most of the objects in my room have a little story behind them, and a large number were gifts from various people in my life. Like the teddy bears on my bed and in the basket behind it, and the little doggies scattered around my bookshelf - almost all came from my dad or my bro or my girlfriends or my guy friends or my ex-schoolmates or, of course, ex-boyfriends. The bowl that holds my potpourri was a Christmas present from an aunt and uncle, as was the perfume on my vanity. The jewellery holder was a birthday present a couple of years ago from my fave bunch of girls - my darling Hello Panda Club! - and the Twilight Calendar behind my CD player was this year's birthday present from my best friend =P I bought the coloured glass bowls on my cabinets on my first visit to my sis in Australia, and the woven handbag on a trip to Phuket with my parents. Even the framed photos on my wall were taken by an ex. So it's a room full of memories. Mostly good ones - at least, those are the ones I focus on ;)
4. My church - my second family! I love the people, I love how I've grown since I've joined it. I love how I have the opportunity to contribute and bless others. Indeed, blessed to bless! ;) I love the Sunday services and how they inspire and refresh me, and help me to keep my eyes on God.
5. My job - my work, my colleagues, and the different opportunities that come with the job. I hope my colleagues will always be my friends - and that we'll keep partying together =P
6. My finances - again and again and again, God meets all my financial needs. Somehow, every time I need money, it just appears. So cool!!!!! I don't think I've ever had to worry about money. It's not like I'm rolling in cash, but I always have just enough to survive on, enough to pay my bills and enough to give away ;) Thank God!!!
7. My youth and my health - I remember how on the Europe trip, Siew May and I were talking to some of the aunties and uncles in our tour group. They were saying they wanted to travel more but there were some places they might not be able to see because they were getting on in years and not in fantastic health. And May and I were so thankful that we could travel while we were still young and fit. Thank God we have the opportunity NOW - and not have to wait till we're retired! And I love running and how it makes me feel - well when the runner's high hits anyway - so alive and free! Same with diving and trekking. I'm trying to pack in as much as I can, while I still can...
8. (Ok this list can go on and on and on, so just the top 8 - I have to leave soon for my last birthday celebration of the year =P) I'm so very thankful I have God in my life. (Is it weird to say thank God for God? Anyhoo.) Yeah, as the song goes, Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt... I'm constantly amazed at how much He cares for me and how much He loves me and how patient He is with me, when some days I must hurt him so deeply. I'll never ever be as good as I strive to be, I keep falling, but He's always there to catch my fall... and He still loves me, this pathetic, fallen, broken human being. Thank God.

I am yours

Who am I? That the Lord of all the earth, Would care to know my name, Would care to feel my hurt Who am I? That the bright and morning star, Would choose to light the way, For my ever wondering heart Not because of who I am But because of what you've done Not because of what I've done But because of who you are I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling, And you told me who I am I am yours I am yours Who am I? That the eyes that see my sin Would look on me with love And watch me rise again Who am I? That the voice that calm the sea, Would call out through the rain, And calm the storm in me Not because of who I am But because what of you've done Not because of what I've done But because of who you are I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling, And you told me who I am I am yours Not because of who I am But because of what you've done Not because of what I've done But because of who you are I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling, You told me who I am I am yours I am yours Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I fear? 'Cuz I am yours I am yours -Who Am I (Casting Crowns) I just learnt this song this morning, at Girls' Brigade. Beautiful, isn't it? I know Who's gonna catch me when I fall ;)

Bring on the melancholy!

Yeah ok, you can guess from the title of this post that I'm feeling kinda pensive tonight. So I wrote this. I've probably got another song somewhere with the same title, but I'm too wiped out to think of what, so. Whatever, huh? I'm just really drained right now... meh. Life is unfair... suck it up!

Catch me if I fall

The world is watching
And I get so tired
Of being Superwoman
Your everyday hero
I'm fighting for a cause
That I can't recall
When I'm shot out of the sky
Who will catch me if I fall?

Breaking to pieces
Stretching so thin
I'm giving all I got
But I won't give in
Will I be the same
When the world takes it all?
If there's nothing left of me
Will you catch me if I fall?

There's no one but my shadow
To share my hope and sorrow
No one to listen or try to understand
I wish you were with me
To comfort and guide me
Strong arms to hold me or lend a helping hand

Everything's changing
While I'm standing still
I'll hold it together
'Cos no one else will
Time's not the enemy
Till I hit the next wall
So will you stay with me
Say you'll catch me if I fall

Will you catch me if I fall...
Will you catch me if I fall...
When I've given all I have to give
When I've lived the best life I can live
Will you catch me if I... fall

To sleep among the stars

In a melancholic mood tonight. Don't know why, I guess I'm just tired from gym (but keyed up so I can't sleep!). Heh. My body pulls weird things on me these days. Anyhoo, I felt like writing. I had a whole piece in my head but I started blogging and realised I couldn't be bothered after all (it was gonna be a pretty long post - maybe next time), so here's a quickie instead. Emoting always makes me feel better =P

I'll sleep among the stars tonight
Wrap myself in velvet sky
Give myself to gentle slumber
As the breeze sighs a lullaby

The moon will watch me as I rest
And wash me in her gentle glow
Till memory fades and I forget
The cares and fears of long ago

A night of calm, ere the day is done
Hours of toil and mortal's schemes
Oh blessed night! That beckons me come
And lose myself in sweetest dreams

I'll drift away into the clouds
And let the darkness hide my face
I'll sleep among the stars tonight
And pray I wake in a better place

It's not easy... to be me

Wow it's been a long long long time since I've last blogged. Was waiting for something big to blog about but as I'm still waiting for the dive pics... =P I decided, screw it, I'll just write anyway.

I walked home today with an old friend of mine, Mui Sin. It was, shall we say, an eye-opening experience (*chuckles darkly to self at private joke*). I was feeling a little down in the dumps earlier in the day, but Mui Sin reminded me, just by being himself, that I have so much to be thankful for. I should be counting my blessings instead of grousing about what I don't have. I was chastened, enlightened, ilumined (ok, I made that last word up). And once again, completely wowed by God's presence in my life.

Every single time I start feeling bad and start complaining, God sends a little reminder my way: Hey Mel, open your eyes! Are you listening to yourself? Look around, see how I have provided for you all your life! See how much I have given you. So many others don't have even a fraction of what you have - your health, your job, your home, your family, your friends, your colleagues, your education, your opportunities, your outlook on life. How can you doubt me even for one moment?

You're right, God. As usual. You haven't failed me yet - ever - and I know You're not going to. Just because I don't have it now, just because I can't see it, doesn't mean I'll never have it or that it'll never happen. It just hasn't happened - yet. Like the AC motto: The best is yet to be!

Ah, I'm just a complaining bitch. Sometimes I need to be reminded of His goodness. And it's not easy staying the course. Y'know, I was saying to God: "Hey, what's with all the pain and persecution? I didn't sign up for this!" And God said: "Oh yes you did." And guess what? He's right (as usual!). I signed up for this - all of this, the good times and the bad times when the world seems against me - when I became a Christian. I willingly chose a life of hardship for His sake, and I willingly (ok, sometimes reluctantly) choose it again every single moment of every single day, when I stick to His standards, refuse to compromise, not take the easy way out.

Why? Because I love Him. Because I know that it's the right thing to do. Because something deep inside of me just won't allow me to leave. I can't leave. Not now. Please God, not ever.

So thank you God, for that subtle knock on the head today. I really needed that. I'll try to remember to count my many blessings the next time I feel like bitching. (*sigh* Won't be easy though.) Amen!

The dreaming

She sits in the darkness and thinks to herself. Quiet thoughts, in black and white like the old photographs treasured away in thick, musty family albums, punctuated only by the occasional unexpected burst of colour of a particularly vibrant new idea. One flickers in her consciousness, tentatively. She reaches out and grasps it with eager hands. Fingers spider-walk quickly over the thought - but no, not this one, not this time. She sighs, rubs the sleep from weary eyes and begins to write.

"Somewhere in eternity, suspended in time
Sleeps the man with my name, that I'm searching to find
All the wishing on wishbones will not make him mine
Until he awakes from his dreaming

Shadows to shadows, stardust to star
Near as a thought and just as far
Will I walk through infinity to find where you are
Until you awake from your dreaming?"

It is an unanswered question. She leaves one darkness for another. And searches for the answer, still.

* Ok this is all metaphorical, so don't worry, I'm pretty sure I'm still all there. Pretty much, anyways. I just felt like writing, is all.

Could be worse ;)

I keep meaning to blog, but life's been busy. Which is something I'm thankful for. I need to be distracted.

So here we go with yet another distraction... It's very very late I know (or very very early, I guess) but I've just had some sinfully yummy chocolate and the resulting sugar rush is keeping me awake. (Note to self: I really should listen to my trainer once in a while. He might actually have a good point there about not eating after 7pm. *sigh* Another one of my New Year's resolutions...) I got this off my bro's Facebook notes. Totally pointless but it looks like fun anyhow, so... let's do it! (Pardon the comments on every answer - blame it on the sugar rush.)

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

4. Tag 10 or more friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from.


IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Happy (Lighthouse Family) - this actually sounds like something I would say

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Up all night (Razorlight) - ooooh err how suggestive =P

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Leaning against the wall (Kings of Convenience) - yup, for a number of reasons

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
This fire (Franz Ferdinand) - awesome answer!

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Unforgetful you (Jars of Clay) - hmmmmmmm

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Change your mind (The Killers) - wahahaha...

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Work (Jimmy Eat World) - wahahahahahahhaha....

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Everlong (Foo Fighters) - well I suppose that would be 'very often'...

WHAT IS 2+2?
Lonelilly (Damien Rice) - weird equation!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Crooked teeth (Death Cab for Cutie) - Sorry Sam! ;)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Danger (Third Eye Blind) - But I haven't figured this one out yet anyway...

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
I dare you to move (Switchfoot) - actually very spot-on. So far. Wow.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Grace is gone (Dave Matthews Band) - ummmmmmmm

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I see you, you see me (The Magic Numbers) - Duh!

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Never think (Robert Pattinson) - Sadded...

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Famous last words (My Chemical Romance) - Doesn't sound good haha

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
You and me (Lifehouse) - should swop this answer with the previous question's...

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Give a little bit (Goo Goo Dolls) - HEY!!!!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Narc (Interpol) - Yeah. All of them.

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Same side of the moon (Corrinne May) - huh??

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Eyes on fire (Blue Foundation) - *Ulp* Not literally I hope.

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Bella's lullaby (Carter Burwell) - No I don't

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Que Sara Sara (Katamari Damacy soundtrack) - Yeah it really really does!

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Innocence again (Switchfoot) - *Gulp* So true...

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Everything to everyone (Everclear) - I'm not sure if this is a yes or no!

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Plastic (Reality Check) - Yeah plastic really scares the crap outta me. Oooooh scary

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Be strong now (James Iha) - Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
In the car (Barenaked Ladies) - Ahehehe.

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
I didn't see her (The Observatory) - Who???

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Could be worse (The Dingees) - Hence this post's title


Ok done! Yay!!!! I'm not gonna tag anyone, the sugar rush is wearing off now so I'm gonna snuggle under the covers and drift off to dreamland while the soft but intensely moving strains of Bella's Lullaby fill my room (I so do not regret this!)... feel free to post this meme on your own blog/Facebook/whatever. Nights and happy CNY everyone!!!!

All the latest buzz

Oh man oh man oh man... so much's been happening lately and I barely have time to take it all in, much less have a moment to myself! So I'd better blog all this before it leaks out of my head. I'm off to Australia on Monday to reunite with the bro and sis, so there'll be more pics and more stories to tell real soon. Okayyyyyyyyyyy! Let's start with Taiwan then ;)
This is gonna be really abbreviated - I'll just let the pics do the talking. I have tons and tons of photos thanks to Gerald! =P Team Taiwan comprised four Rovers committee alumni - Gerald from the 20^th comm., Kailun and Weixi from the 21^st, and me from the 24^th. Nice to know after all these years, the spirit of adventure and friendship still survives ;)

So we arrived in Taipei on 3 Nov and hopped on a train to Jiayi the next day. I had egg rolls for breakfast!!!! An absolute first for me. (There wasn't much else to eat!)

Then another train to Alishan for a night's stay, where we had our first taste of authentic Taiwanese salt-and-pepper chicken.

Mmmmm-mmmmmm! See us clustering round the little bag of chicken like some kinda addicts getting our fixes...

And on to a biiiiig steamboat dinner...

And coffee at Starbucks...

while we played bridge of course =P It's a Rovers thing ;)

And on 5 Nov - da da da da! - we started our trek up Yushan, or Jade Mountain. One full day's worth of trekking - 9 to 5! It was just 8.5km but some of it was pretty hard going, especially at the beginning. Man, it was steep! And there were something like 87 bridges... I was counting each one. Ow.

Distance marker along the way. This was at the beginning of the trek. If I recall correctly, at that point, seeing the marker, my reaction was, "We've covered only 0.5km???? No way!!!!"

We took lots of pics along the way - well, Gerald did, anyway. These two are my favourites from the whole trip. I love the second one especially - don't we look cool? ;)

We made it to the lodge, Paiyun Manor, before it got dark. The sunset up there is truly magnficent. Check it out.

We had a quick meal, cooking by headlamp.

I was offered ginger tea by a guy cooking at the next table - it's good to be a girl =P

Then a quick sleep (interrupted by a few minutes of star-gazing while shivering in my socks), and a very early wake up call (2am! Just like Mount K) to tackle the summits. Standing at 3952m at the highest point, Jade Mountain is the highest mountain in East Asia. Whoooo!

The plan was to scale both the North and the Main summits (the furthest and the highest peaks respectively), but I only made the North one. I *might* go back for the other one someday - I totally LOVE Taiwan. Yeah.

"We're freezing our butts off... but we made it!" And was the sunrise worth it?

You betcha. Absolute awesomeness.

Then it was back down to Paiyun, and from there to the start point at Tatajia by 5. And off to Cherry Lodge in Dongpu (an absolutely fantastic little lodge, with an ultra-nice lady boss who cut guava for us at night and specially prepared soya milk for us for breakfast!), with a personal hot springs bath with every room.

Mmmmmm freshly made soy milk. Hearty goodness in every sip.

The lady boss - that's her on the extreme left - was really really nice. She tour guided us around Dongpu. Here we are at the Dongpu bridge, a really really high suspension bridge. Weixi's not so good with heights, so he was quite antsy taking this shot =P That's him in the middle front - he's very bravely not clutching the sides!

Nice lady boss also brought us to Shiuli - bubble tea!!!!! - and Jiji - beef noodles!!! Yum yum. Trekking sure makes you hungry. And Taiwan food is goooooood. See Kailun eating his noodles with such great relish. Heh.

Back to Taipei we went for a shopping/eating spree! We checked out the night market in Jilong...



Fried mushrooms! Whee!!!



Yummy food on sticks! Whee!!!!!



Cheap stuff to buy! Whee!!!! (I bought socks.)



Seafood dinner. "We're eating this lot. What are YOU gonna eat?"



And tons of sweets! Sweeeeeeeeet. "Just one of each... one basket of each."



And we got our feet massaged too. Relaxing. This is before the screaming started. Eaaaaurrrrghhhhhhh!!!!

We trooped around Jiufen...



Yam soup. I had yam AND eggs in Taiwan. Two things I normally avoid like the plague. Wow. Taiwan really does something to me.



Ahhhhhh! So cute! They're little magnets with waggly heads. I bought like $25 worth of these babies back as souvenirs. So cute!!!!!!



Mochi!!!! Big, fat and juicy. Yummmmmm.



More cute stuff at the mochi shop.



Kailun doing product placement.

We explored Ximending...



Do candied apples count as eating healthy? It's still fruit right?



The look on Kailun's face says it all...

Next stop Danshui! On the train...





You gotta love their ads.

After a long hard search we finally found our precious fried mushrooms. We love the magic mushrooms!

'Tie dan' or um, iron eggs? Bleurgh. Everyone else seems to love them though.

Yeah that was the Taiwan trip. Taiwan ROCKS!!!!!! I so wanna go back. Soon =P

In other news, I just completed my second marathon a week ago! The Standard Chartered Marathon 2008! Rowr!



I like this shot the best - see my swishy hair? Nice. Total race time 7:08. Whooooo! Much better than the Sundown. Yeah I think I'll do at least one more next year. Heh... just call me a sucker for punishment ;)

In other other news, we've had our team Christmas dinner! AND we've had our company Year End Party!!!! Which was totally awesome, by the way. I'll post pics when I get them. Meantime, here's my party name tag =P Whooooo!!!!!