To sleep among the stars

In a melancholic mood tonight. Don't know why, I guess I'm just tired from gym (but keyed up so I can't sleep!). Heh. My body pulls weird things on me these days. Anyhoo, I felt like writing. I had a whole piece in my head but I started blogging and realised I couldn't be bothered after all (it was gonna be a pretty long post - maybe next time), so here's a quickie instead. Emoting always makes me feel better =P

I'll sleep among the stars tonight
Wrap myself in velvet sky
Give myself to gentle slumber
As the breeze sighs a lullaby

The moon will watch me as I rest
And wash me in her gentle glow
Till memory fades and I forget
The cares and fears of long ago

A night of calm, ere the day is done
Hours of toil and mortal's schemes
Oh blessed night! That beckons me come
And lose myself in sweetest dreams

I'll drift away into the clouds
And let the darkness hide my face
I'll sleep among the stars tonight
And pray I wake in a better place

It's not easy... to be me

Wow it's been a long long long time since I've last blogged. Was waiting for something big to blog about but as I'm still waiting for the dive pics... =P I decided, screw it, I'll just write anyway.

I walked home today with an old friend of mine, Mui Sin. It was, shall we say, an eye-opening experience (*chuckles darkly to self at private joke*). I was feeling a little down in the dumps earlier in the day, but Mui Sin reminded me, just by being himself, that I have so much to be thankful for. I should be counting my blessings instead of grousing about what I don't have. I was chastened, enlightened, ilumined (ok, I made that last word up). And once again, completely wowed by God's presence in my life.

Every single time I start feeling bad and start complaining, God sends a little reminder my way: Hey Mel, open your eyes! Are you listening to yourself? Look around, see how I have provided for you all your life! See how much I have given you. So many others don't have even a fraction of what you have - your health, your job, your home, your family, your friends, your colleagues, your education, your opportunities, your outlook on life. How can you doubt me even for one moment?

You're right, God. As usual. You haven't failed me yet - ever - and I know You're not going to. Just because I don't have it now, just because I can't see it, doesn't mean I'll never have it or that it'll never happen. It just hasn't happened - yet. Like the AC motto: The best is yet to be!

Ah, I'm just a complaining bitch. Sometimes I need to be reminded of His goodness. And it's not easy staying the course. Y'know, I was saying to God: "Hey, what's with all the pain and persecution? I didn't sign up for this!" And God said: "Oh yes you did." And guess what? He's right (as usual!). I signed up for this - all of this, the good times and the bad times when the world seems against me - when I became a Christian. I willingly chose a life of hardship for His sake, and I willingly (ok, sometimes reluctantly) choose it again every single moment of every single day, when I stick to His standards, refuse to compromise, not take the easy way out.

Why? Because I love Him. Because I know that it's the right thing to do. Because something deep inside of me just won't allow me to leave. I can't leave. Not now. Please God, not ever.

So thank you God, for that subtle knock on the head today. I really needed that. I'll try to remember to count my many blessings the next time I feel like bitching. (*sigh* Won't be easy though.) Amen!

The dreaming

She sits in the darkness and thinks to herself. Quiet thoughts, in black and white like the old photographs treasured away in thick, musty family albums, punctuated only by the occasional unexpected burst of colour of a particularly vibrant new idea. One flickers in her consciousness, tentatively. She reaches out and grasps it with eager hands. Fingers spider-walk quickly over the thought - but no, not this one, not this time. She sighs, rubs the sleep from weary eyes and begins to write.

"Somewhere in eternity, suspended in time
Sleeps the man with my name, that I'm searching to find
All the wishing on wishbones will not make him mine
Until he awakes from his dreaming

Shadows to shadows, stardust to star
Near as a thought and just as far
Will I walk through infinity to find where you are
Until you awake from your dreaming?"

It is an unanswered question. She leaves one darkness for another. And searches for the answer, still.

* Ok this is all metaphorical, so don't worry, I'm pretty sure I'm still all there. Pretty much, anyways. I just felt like writing, is all.

Could be worse ;)

I keep meaning to blog, but life's been busy. Which is something I'm thankful for. I need to be distracted.

So here we go with yet another distraction... It's very very late I know (or very very early, I guess) but I've just had some sinfully yummy chocolate and the resulting sugar rush is keeping me awake. (Note to self: I really should listen to my trainer once in a while. He might actually have a good point there about not eating after 7pm. *sigh* Another one of my New Year's resolutions...) I got this off my bro's Facebook notes. Totally pointless but it looks like fun anyhow, so... let's do it! (Pardon the comments on every answer - blame it on the sugar rush.)

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

4. Tag 10 or more friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from.


IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Happy (Lighthouse Family) - this actually sounds like something I would say

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Up all night (Razorlight) - ooooh err how suggestive =P

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Leaning against the wall (Kings of Convenience) - yup, for a number of reasons

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
This fire (Franz Ferdinand) - awesome answer!

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Unforgetful you (Jars of Clay) - hmmmmmmm

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Change your mind (The Killers) - wahahaha...

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Work (Jimmy Eat World) - wahahahahahahhaha....

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Everlong (Foo Fighters) - well I suppose that would be 'very often'...

WHAT IS 2+2?
Lonelilly (Damien Rice) - weird equation!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Crooked teeth (Death Cab for Cutie) - Sorry Sam! ;)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Danger (Third Eye Blind) - But I haven't figured this one out yet anyway...

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
I dare you to move (Switchfoot) - actually very spot-on. So far. Wow.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Grace is gone (Dave Matthews Band) - ummmmmmmm

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I see you, you see me (The Magic Numbers) - Duh!

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Never think (Robert Pattinson) - Sadded...

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Famous last words (My Chemical Romance) - Doesn't sound good haha

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
You and me (Lifehouse) - should swop this answer with the previous question's...

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Give a little bit (Goo Goo Dolls) - HEY!!!!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Narc (Interpol) - Yeah. All of them.

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Same side of the moon (Corrinne May) - huh??

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Eyes on fire (Blue Foundation) - *Ulp* Not literally I hope.

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Bella's lullaby (Carter Burwell) - No I don't

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Que Sara Sara (Katamari Damacy soundtrack) - Yeah it really really does!

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Innocence again (Switchfoot) - *Gulp* So true...

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Everything to everyone (Everclear) - I'm not sure if this is a yes or no!

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Plastic (Reality Check) - Yeah plastic really scares the crap outta me. Oooooh scary

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Be strong now (James Iha) - Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
In the car (Barenaked Ladies) - Ahehehe.

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
I didn't see her (The Observatory) - Who???

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Could be worse (The Dingees) - Hence this post's title


Ok done! Yay!!!! I'm not gonna tag anyone, the sugar rush is wearing off now so I'm gonna snuggle under the covers and drift off to dreamland while the soft but intensely moving strains of Bella's Lullaby fill my room (I so do not regret this!)... feel free to post this meme on your own blog/Facebook/whatever. Nights and happy CNY everyone!!!!

All the latest buzz

Oh man oh man oh man... so much's been happening lately and I barely have time to take it all in, much less have a moment to myself! So I'd better blog all this before it leaks out of my head. I'm off to Australia on Monday to reunite with the bro and sis, so there'll be more pics and more stories to tell real soon. Okayyyyyyyyyyy! Let's start with Taiwan then ;)
This is gonna be really abbreviated - I'll just let the pics do the talking. I have tons and tons of photos thanks to Gerald! =P Team Taiwan comprised four Rovers committee alumni - Gerald from the 20^th comm., Kailun and Weixi from the 21^st, and me from the 24^th. Nice to know after all these years, the spirit of adventure and friendship still survives ;)

So we arrived in Taipei on 3 Nov and hopped on a train to Jiayi the next day. I had egg rolls for breakfast!!!! An absolute first for me. (There wasn't much else to eat!)

Then another train to Alishan for a night's stay, where we had our first taste of authentic Taiwanese salt-and-pepper chicken.

Mmmmm-mmmmmm! See us clustering round the little bag of chicken like some kinda addicts getting our fixes...

And on to a biiiiig steamboat dinner...

And coffee at Starbucks...

while we played bridge of course =P It's a Rovers thing ;)

And on 5 Nov - da da da da! - we started our trek up Yushan, or Jade Mountain. One full day's worth of trekking - 9 to 5! It was just 8.5km but some of it was pretty hard going, especially at the beginning. Man, it was steep! And there were something like 87 bridges... I was counting each one. Ow.

Distance marker along the way. This was at the beginning of the trek. If I recall correctly, at that point, seeing the marker, my reaction was, "We've covered only 0.5km???? No way!!!!"

We took lots of pics along the way - well, Gerald did, anyway. These two are my favourites from the whole trip. I love the second one especially - don't we look cool? ;)

We made it to the lodge, Paiyun Manor, before it got dark. The sunset up there is truly magnficent. Check it out.

We had a quick meal, cooking by headlamp.

I was offered ginger tea by a guy cooking at the next table - it's good to be a girl =P

Then a quick sleep (interrupted by a few minutes of star-gazing while shivering in my socks), and a very early wake up call (2am! Just like Mount K) to tackle the summits. Standing at 3952m at the highest point, Jade Mountain is the highest mountain in East Asia. Whoooo!

The plan was to scale both the North and the Main summits (the furthest and the highest peaks respectively), but I only made the North one. I *might* go back for the other one someday - I totally LOVE Taiwan. Yeah.

"We're freezing our butts off... but we made it!" And was the sunrise worth it?

You betcha. Absolute awesomeness.

Then it was back down to Paiyun, and from there to the start point at Tatajia by 5. And off to Cherry Lodge in Dongpu (an absolutely fantastic little lodge, with an ultra-nice lady boss who cut guava for us at night and specially prepared soya milk for us for breakfast!), with a personal hot springs bath with every room.

Mmmmmm freshly made soy milk. Hearty goodness in every sip.

The lady boss - that's her on the extreme left - was really really nice. She tour guided us around Dongpu. Here we are at the Dongpu bridge, a really really high suspension bridge. Weixi's not so good with heights, so he was quite antsy taking this shot =P That's him in the middle front - he's very bravely not clutching the sides!

Nice lady boss also brought us to Shiuli - bubble tea!!!!! - and Jiji - beef noodles!!! Yum yum. Trekking sure makes you hungry. And Taiwan food is goooooood. See Kailun eating his noodles with such great relish. Heh.

Back to Taipei we went for a shopping/eating spree! We checked out the night market in Jilong...



Fried mushrooms! Whee!!!



Yummy food on sticks! Whee!!!!!



Cheap stuff to buy! Whee!!!! (I bought socks.)



Seafood dinner. "We're eating this lot. What are YOU gonna eat?"



And tons of sweets! Sweeeeeeeeet. "Just one of each... one basket of each."



And we got our feet massaged too. Relaxing. This is before the screaming started. Eaaaaurrrrghhhhhhh!!!!

We trooped around Jiufen...



Yam soup. I had yam AND eggs in Taiwan. Two things I normally avoid like the plague. Wow. Taiwan really does something to me.



Ahhhhhh! So cute! They're little magnets with waggly heads. I bought like $25 worth of these babies back as souvenirs. So cute!!!!!!



Mochi!!!! Big, fat and juicy. Yummmmmm.



More cute stuff at the mochi shop.



Kailun doing product placement.

We explored Ximending...



Do candied apples count as eating healthy? It's still fruit right?



The look on Kailun's face says it all...

Next stop Danshui! On the train...





You gotta love their ads.

After a long hard search we finally found our precious fried mushrooms. We love the magic mushrooms!

'Tie dan' or um, iron eggs? Bleurgh. Everyone else seems to love them though.

Yeah that was the Taiwan trip. Taiwan ROCKS!!!!!! I so wanna go back. Soon =P

In other news, I just completed my second marathon a week ago! The Standard Chartered Marathon 2008! Rowr!



I like this shot the best - see my swishy hair? Nice. Total race time 7:08. Whooooo! Much better than the Sundown. Yeah I think I'll do at least one more next year. Heh... just call me a sucker for punishment ;)

In other other news, we've had our team Christmas dinner! AND we've had our company Year End Party!!!! Which was totally awesome, by the way. I'll post pics when I get them. Meantime, here's my party name tag =P Whooooo!!!!!

Infinitely me

If I had time
Infinity
A thousand tomorrows
Forever and a day
Would I still say
The things I say
Every day
Would I live like this
With reckless abandon
Disregarding
My limitations
Myself
Where would I be
Would I be free
Or would infinity
Be the death of me

Sometimes I wonder if more time is really a good thing. I never seem to have enough, but then, the very things you desire can become your strongest shackles. I still wonder.

Make me smile

Wheeeeeeeeee! I finally got my Taiwan pics! Yayayayayayayayayayayay!!!!! But first, team chalet pics! (I've already blogged about this so just pics now.) Here are some of my faves...



The guys get loud while they duke it out...



...while the girls laugh at them =P I shall not post the embarrassing vids here, since I'm planning on living till Christmas, at least.



It's Halloween, so fangs and devil horns come free with the chalet. They suit Eug #1 just fine...

...not sure they work for Eug #2 though. Heehee. I'm *really* not scared. Okay, this cracks me up everytime I look at it. Wahahahahaha...

Dangit. This was actually a pretty nice shot. All together now... hrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

The yummy fruity birthday-cum-anniversary cake shared by 7 people (7 birthdays!!!! Wow). I dropped my piece. So I ate all the fruit off another one. Heeheehee.

Happy shiny people. I love y'all ;)

Next up... TAIWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!! Don't go away. We'll be right back after these messages. *wink*

Look at the stars

I'm back!!!! And missing Taiwan already. The whole trip was fantastic - what a great holiday! I love trekking. I love these guys. And I absolutely love Taiwan.

I wanna go back.

My feet are still a little sore from all that running around - probably more from trawling the night markets than from the trek! - but the rest of me longs for the mountains still. When you're so close to the heavens that the very stars seem brighter and you hold your breath and try to stop shivering for a moment so you can take it all in... the air is cold and crisp and the night is silent around you and all you can think about is how beautiful the world is. And you think, This, THIS is why I climb mountains.

Until you haul your ass up a steep incline to a lonely little peak and your butt cheeks start freezing. That's when you turn to the poor sap next to you and ask, "Why am I doing this again?"

The sunrise from the mountaintop is gorgeous though. The sun comes up so slowly, and you can see each individual ray, like a lighthouse beacon, radiating from its bright burning centre. The sky turns to soft shades of pink and purple, and you behold mountains, beyond mountains, beyond mountains, beyond mountains, as far as the eye can see. It's so beautiful it's almost hard to believe it's real. Even with the windburn... you forget just how cold you are, if only for a few seconds.

Sigh. I wish I could climb Jade Mountain again. (Funny how treks always seem more fun after the fact.) Yep, I'd even put up with living in dirty sweats and not having working toilets for a couple of days again and surviving on chocolate throughout the day. I do wish all the guys on the mountain were as cute as the aborigine guy we saw though. Mmmmmm... chocolate =P

I'm definitely going back. Maybe I'll do another mountain. But definitely Taiwan.

More updates when I've cleared all the backlog. Waiting for the photos ;) TAIWAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!

Fun fun fun

I've just had the funnest weekend. KTV on Fri night (even though the whole day was a mad rush so we could leave as early as possible) where we crooned, bopped, cheered and screamed ourselves hoarse, a great day out at Escape Theme Park on Saturday (where I again screamed myself hoarse *blush*) and a BBQ in the evening with delish food courtesy of a bona fide hotel chef (this time I think we went hoarse because we all ate way too much)!!! I have to say this again, I love my team so much! I must be really blessed when it comes to the people I work with, 'cos I've loved every single one of the teams I was ever a part of. But the current one really rocks. Can't wait for the photos and videos. Ahahahahaha.

I have never enjoyed dueting so much.
I have never seen anyone sing 'I don't wanna miss a thing' with so much passion/gusto/angst.
I have never screamed so long or so loudly on an amusement park ride. (Yes, contrary to what some people may think now, I'm actually very comfortable with heights. I just screamed to distract myself from the stomach churning. Hey, it worked!)
I have also never been on a rollercoaster ride where I didn't even feel like screaming. Ahahaha.
I have never heard such a variety of ghost stories in one sitting.
I have never celebrated so many birthdays at the same time (seven people! I guess that makes things much easier huh).
I have never been attacked by a vampire AND a devil!

What can I say? The weekend was awesome ;)

Even managed to squeeze in a walk at the Bukit Timah Nature Reserve after I got home from the chalet. Last minute 'training' for the mountain! It's fun to walk in the rain - good thing I brought an umbrella. I hope the weather over there will be better. Packing for Taiwan now... what a happy, busy life I have. Heehee =P Life really is good, after all.

Crashing

I. Am. So. Freaking. Exhausted. 10 km today, and everything hurts. My ass is aching, my back is sore, my legs feel so tight. That's what I get for not training. Hahaha. And this is just a little taster - minuscule, really - for Taiwan. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I'm just glad it's over. Gonna crash now. Thank God tomorrow's a holiday!

... I think I'm sort of getting my runner's form back though. It's hard to tell, it's been way too long. *blush* Let's hope I'll be back in shape by the time Dec rolls around. Taiwan is just training for the Stanchart marathon, after all =P

A mission of reconnection

It's birthday week, and it's been so great. Thank you everyone for all the birthday wishes, presents, treats and outings! Love all you guys and girls ;)

I'm glad I got to meet up with old friends this week and in the weeks before (and a few more soon) - and some of you are really really really old friends! This year marks 10 years of friendship with some of you people - the friends I got to know in JC - and for some, I'm proud to say we've been friends more than half our lives. Wow. I guess one good thing about getting older is that the really good friendships get stronger and the really good friends get dearer. I find I love you all more and more every year =P

I wish I saw more of some of you though. I know it's hard to meet up sometimes now that most of us are working and travelling and have other commitments, but I've got a little more time now, so this year I'm gonna try to meet up with as many of you as I can, as much as I can. Let's call it my mission of reconnection. So if I haven't already seen you recently, I'll probably be in touch soon. Or if you don't hear from me, then well I guess it's up to you to call me up haha. See you soon! XP

Lost magic

Two of my fave songs by the Magic Numbers...

Love's A Game

Oh maybe I think, maybe I don’t
Maybe I will, maybe I won’t
Find my way this time
I hear you calling me soon

One of these days
Somebody stays and somebody pays
It happens all the time
I’ll be leaving, believing you wanted me to

Maybe I’m a fool
For walking in line
Maybe I should try to lead this time
I’m an honest mistake that you made
Did you mean to?
Did you mean
Did you mean

Love is just a game
Broken all the same
And I will get over you
Love is just a lie
Happens all the time
Swear I know this much is true

And they collared you up
And collared you down
And coloured you in
And I’ve been waiting so long
To take you home

And maybe I think, maybe I don’t
Maybe I will, maybe I won’t
Find my way tonight
But I hear you calling me soon

Maybe I’m a fool
For walking in line
Maybe I should try to lead this time
I’m an honest mistake that you made
Did you mean to?
Did you mean
Did you mean

Love is just a game
Broken all the same
And I will get over you
Love is just a lie
Happens all the time
Swear I know this much is true

Maybe I’m a fool
For walking in line
Maybe I should try to lead this time
I’m an honest mistake that you made
Did you mean to?
Did you mean
Did you mean

Love is just a game
Broken all the same
And I will get over you
Love is just a lie
Happens all the time
Swear I know this much is true

I See You, You See Me

I never wanted to love you, but that's ok
I always knew that you'd leave me anyway
But darling when I see you, I see me

I asked the boys if they'd let me go out and play
They always said that you'd hurt me anyway
But darling when I see you, I see me

It's alright I never thought I'd fall in love again
It's alright I look to you as my only friend
It's alright I never thought that I could feel this something
Rising, rising in my veins
Looks like it's happened again

I never thought that you wanted for me to stay
So I left you with the girls that came your way
But darling when I see you, I see me
I often thought that you'd be better off left alone
Why throw a circle round a man with broken bones
But darling when I see you, I see me

It's alright I never thought I'd fall in love again
It's alright I look to you as my only friend
It's alright I never thought that I could feel this something
Rising, rising in my veins
Looks like it's happened again

You always looked like you had something else on your mind
But when I try to tell you, you'd tell me never mind
But darling when I see you, you see me

I wanna tell you that I'll never love anyone else
You wanna tell me that you're better off by yourself
But darling when I see you, you see me

This is not what I'm like [x4]
This is not what I do
This is not what I'm like
I think I'm falling for you

I never thought - This is not what I'm like
I never thought - This is not what I do
I never thought - This is not what I'm like
I never thought - I think I'm falling for you
I never thought -
I never thought -
That I could feel this something
Rising, rising in my veins
Looks like it's happened again

And it looks like
I feel this something
Rising, rising in my veins
Looks like it's happened again

The magic's lost now. I wonder if I'll ever find it again... I really hope so.

Beautiful Sunday

Two verses I really like:

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Came to me right after I finished QT. And I thought I was done. Guess He wasn't =P

And the song for today:

God sent His son, they called Him Jesus
He came to love, heal and forgive
He gave His life to buy my pardon
An empty grave is there to prove my Saviour lives!

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know, I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living, just because He lives!

How sweet to hold a newborn baby
And feel the pride and joy he gives
But greater still the calm assurance
This child can face uncertain days because He Lives!

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know, I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living, just because He lives!

And then one day, I'll cross the river
I'll fight life's final war with pain
And then as death gives way to vict'ry
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives!

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know, I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living, just because He lives!

YAY ;)

Every time you call

I'm finding my inspiration in the gym these days. Mostly at the end of a workout, when I'm lightheaded with exhaustion (and relief). That's when I start getting songs in my head. I finish them up in the shower, which is why my showers are sometimes almost as long as the workout. I don't sing the songs in the shower - that's probably bad form - but I do dance. Whoooooo!

Anyway, these two songs were inspired by friends and what they're going/have gone through. Neither one is based solely on one person - they're amalgations of various situations, experiences and reactions, which sort of mirror my own as well - but if any part of the song speaks to you, well then that song was probably written for you. (I hope you don't mind my 'borrowing' your experiences for my musical fodder =P Indulge me my vainglory, I'm in a melancholic mood and music always helps.) Thanks for the inspiration, babes. Enjoy.

Song #1 - A rock song. I kept thinking of Chris Daughtry when I came up with this one.

Best that she could be

She wakes up gasping in the middle of the night
Wonder why she's taking fright
There's nothing there but the echo of a name
She lies awake with her eyes tight shut
Tries to tell herself it don't matter much
The world's still turning and she's not the one to blame

Every new beginning comes from an end
She takes her chances, calls hope a friend
Wonder how many will fall along the way
She cries inside but she holds her head high
Won't let nobody ever hear her sigh
Prays for the strength to get her through the day

And it hurts her more than she cares to tell
No she won't admit how much it took
Or how hard she fell
And she's screaming, how could I be so wrong
Can't believe the time she wasted
How did it take so long
For her to see
This was not the best that she could be

She looks at the world with her big brown eyes
She says, it's good to feel hurt 'cos I know I'm alive
Every new cut is another page in my story
But all the pain's driving me insane
I'm getting leached away till just the bones remain
Now here I am in all my faded glory

So will you take me as I am, and then
Maybe one day I'll rise again
Maybe one day I'll be high enough to fall
My paper heart's been ripped to shreds
Can you piece it together with a needle and thread
Can you tell me that I'm all right after all

And it hurts her more than she cares to tell
No she won't admit how much it took
Or how hard she fell
And she's screaming, how could I be so wrong
Can't believe the time she wasted
How did it take so long
For her to see
This was not the best that she could be


Song #2 - This one's a boyband pop song =P Switchfoot meets The Moffatts.

Every time you call

Now it's over but I'm having trouble really letting go
Yeah it's over but there are some things I think you ought to know
After all these years we've been together, feelings running deep
Of all the things I said, there is one promise that I'll always keep

Every time you sigh
I will be right over
Every time you cry
I will dry every tear
But every time you lie
I will run away
'Cos there are things you shouldn't say
But I will love you till my dying day

Oh-oh-oh-ooh-oooh

Now we've said goodbye but I can't seem to stay away from you
Yeah you know I've tried but I can't help it, nothing I can do
Sometimes I wish I'd close my eyes and you would disappear
But then I look at you and I know I will always be here

Every time you call
I will be at your door
Every time you fall
I'll pick you up off the floor
But if you tell me that all
You'll ever need is me
Then baby I'd say can't you see
I love you but we're never meant to be

Oh-oh-oh-ooh-ooooh
Oh-oh-oh-ooh-ooooh
Oh-oh-oh-ooh-ooooh
Oh-oh-oh-ooh

Every time you call
(I will be there baby)
Every time you fall
(It's not a maybe)
Don't you tell me that's all
That you want from me
'Cos baby I'd say can't you see
I love you but we're never meant to be

An exercise in trust

From CG reading today:

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and now grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

- Isaiah 40:28-31

It's good to know that small and insignificant as I am, my God is almighty, awesome, magnificent. He is, well, God! He created the heavens and the earth, He put the stars in their place. Surely He can make my way straight. I just have to trust Him - and yes that is the difficult part. But I'm trying to, every day. One baby step at a time.

Sing The Blues

I've got Switchfoot reverberating in my head. Well maybe not reverberating, just playing on a loop. The lead singer has a gorgeous voice - deep and mellow and slightly husky. Delicious. I wish I could sing like that. (Well not exactly like that - I'd scare everyone, including myself. But I wish I could sing better than I currently do.) I wake up and go to sleep with the songs in my head.

Is this the new year or just another night
Is this the new fear or just another fright
Is this a new tear or just another desperation
Is this the finger or just another fist
Is this the kingdom or just a hit and miss
I miss direction most in all this desperation
Is this what they call freedom
Is this what you call pain
Is this what they call discontented fame
It'll be a day like this one when the world caves in
When the world caves in
I'm singing this one like a broken piece of glass
For broken hearts and broken noses in the back
Is this the new year or just another desperation
You push until you're shoving
You bend until you break
Do you stand on the broken fields where your fathers lay
It'll be a day like this one when the world caves in
When the world caves in

- From Switchfoot's 'The Blues'

Sigh. I hate to admit it but... I do miss you still. A little bit. I miss you talking me to sleep every night. I miss hearing your voice on the phone... your warm velvet voice reaching out like a caress to wrap me in layers of soft slumber and tuck me in under the blankets. I miss falling asleep, sometimes with the phone still in my hand, to that last softly breathed, "Goodnight, sleep tight, I'll see you tomorrow" and knowing that you'll be there the next day waiting to enfold me in a warm hug. I miss that certainty. I miss that. Darn... I'm tearing. And I thought I was past this. Deep breath... Whooooo. I will not do this. I will NOT. I can be stronger than this, I have to be, I'm so much better than you deserve (your words), I'm okay. I don't even know if you read any of this. Or if you still think of me. I'm trying not to think of you. You've taken enough already.

Ow. Looks like I still have a long way to go.

Tea and sympathy

Wheeeee!!!! So it looks like I'm getting my holiday after all. I'm going trekking! Jade Mountain in Taiwan, 3-9 November. I'm *hoping* I don't die up there - it's been absolutely eons since I was last on a mountain. Sigh. So out of shape...

Okay, maybe not that out of shape. I have been gymming fairly regularly. Did a 4 km run with Dad this morning - he ran all the way. Not bad for an old man ;) - and I don't feel it at all. (Which I shouldn't, anyway!) I've got a 10km run coming up at the end of the month, about a week before the trip, so hopefully the training for the run will help with the trek. Still, I'd probably better hit Bukit Timah Hill a couple of times first. Wish I didn't have to carry a full pack up. Sigh. Oh well, can't have it all. I'm just happy to be going somewhere. To be among nature's wonders again. Breathing the fresh air, hearing the birdsong...

I've missed trekking, so so much.

Yeah, I'm glad I'm going. Next up, Sipadan! I hope. I've just found myself two potential dive buddies - my freshie Zhiping (you'll always be my freshie, dear!) and my dear Panda friend Far. She's already got her advanced! Whooooo! So next year hopefully we'll get to do a couple of dives together.

And if all goes well I'll get in a few more trips next year too. Exciting! Now to save up...

It's been a good week. I got to meet friends nearly every day. I love you people - okay, I love my boys, but I love my girls more. Muackers everybody! It was really good seeing all of you. Let's do this again soon yeah? And thanks all for the tea and sympathy. And for agreeing (especially the guys) that men are a*******. Yeah, that really makes me feel tons better ;)

Sam: Love you much, babe. Let's go catch a movie sometime. And shop!!!!!
Jess: Babe thanks for your prayers and positivity. I don't think you know how much I appreciate the talks we've had - you're a fantastic girlfriend!
Zhiping: Thanks for cheering me up and giving me a new perspective on the situation. Let me know when you're going diving!
Far: Have a great trip, girl. Be safe. We'll meet up once you get back yeah. Really glad I have you in my life.
Saf: Take care of your hand and don't hurt yourself any more! Hope you have an awesome second trip ;)))))
Min: Happy birthday (again)! Enjoy the perfume, our dearest 'bra' =P
Pete: Thanks for listening and sympathising - it's nice to hear guys face this too. What can I say? Sometimes we can be bitches - not me, fortunately or unfortunately - still, like the song goes, take heart. Standards aren't meant to be lowered, not ever.

Time for bed. My dreams will be sweeter for knowing so many people care. Nights ;)))))

Somewhere far away from here

I need a holiday. Somewhere far away from here.
I need to run away. To a place with lots of beer.
I need to lose myself. And all that has been said.
I need to get away. I need to get out of my head.
I think I'll take a dive. Down into the sea.
Or jump into the sky. Somewhere I can be free.
I'm hanging up my chains. I'm gonna lose control.
I gotta save myself. I gotta extricate my soul.
I'll take a holiday. Somewhere nobody goes.
I'm gonna run away. Just where, nobody knows.
Oh run away with me. And take me by the hand.
I'm gonna find myself. And find out who I am.

Saying goodbye

So we finally said goodbye. It was a lot easier and also a lot harder than I thought it would be. Easier, because I'd almost forgotten how comfortable I am with you, and how I can tell you absolutely anything (I wish we were that honest earlier!) and harder, because now we've said it there's no turning back. The finality... I'm still coming to terms with. It'll take a while to sink in. I'm just letting it ferment now. Give me awhile, I'll be back to normal. Eventually.

I'm glad we got to spend the day together, even if it was to say goodbye. Even if all we did was eat and talk and cry bucketloads. At least I know I did mean something to you. Okay, a lot. And I kinda wish you'd realised that sooner and saved us all the heartache. But, well. These things happen. And things happen for a reason. There's a time and a season for everything, and I guess for us this just wasn't the time.

Still. Thanks for everything. We did have some amazing times, times I'll always treasure. I'm glad we parted as friends. And I'm so proud of myself for having enough self-control not to knee you in the groin. Repeatedly. (Yes, you're right, you do deserve it.) I should get a medal for that.

I'm glad I got to say all the things I wanted to say to you. Now I can stop worrying about losing my resolve and breaking down completely (okay, so we both did that the whole of today). I've had this conversation with you a thousand times over, in my head, and they always end badly, so today wasn't very bad, all things considered! And I'm glad you had a chance to tell me all that stuff too - in a way it made me feel better knowing how you really felt. Thank you for being honest, one last time.

Remember what I said to you. And remember what you said to me. I really hope you keep to it. Don't lose faith, don't stop believing. Ever. I won't.

In His love, and mine,

Mel

You are the one

And I can't seem to understand
The reason why I'm hurting
Was this part of Your plan
And is it going to end?
I've been running for so long
And the sky is getting darker
I'm looking for a place
Where I can stand until it ends

The grass is greener on the other side
Where I don't belong
Sometimes it's lonely but I'll stand
Until I see Your face again

You are the one who brings the rain
That falls to wash away my pain
And in the darkness I can see
Your light of hope alive in me

And I believe You when You say
Your eye is on the sparrow
I know You're watching me
I know You set me free
From all the fear that used to hold me down
A better way I've found
It's time to heal and time to grow
Into the child You used to know

You are the one who brings the rain
That falls to wash away my pain
And in the darkness I can see
Your light of hope alive in me

- 'You are the one', Seven Day Jesus