Catch me if I fall

Gloved and loved ;)

2011-06-24T01:23:00.010+08:00

I got me my gloves!!!! Okay, actually Eric got me my gloves. Bf rocks! ;)

I'd been looking for fingerless gloves for a looooong time. So hard to find! So today, hitting the Bugis dive shops on a whim (we had a bit of time after our last FSC pre-marriage counselling session =P), I wasn't all that hopeful we'd luck upon a nice pair.

The first couple of shops we came across were closed or closing. Saaaaad. But there was one that Eric wanted to check out at the end of the street, and it was still open! We walked in and they were like, "Sorry, we're closing in 5 minutes." Arghhhh!!!

So okay, gloves. Not that hard to check out, right? I turned around and there they were, a whole rack of gloves. Red gloves, yay!!!! They were all too big though, even the S size. Didn't they have anything smaller? Luckily the dive shop dude was really helpful and said, "Here, try this pair." And they were FINGERLESS GLOVESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

Look Ma, no fingers!!!!!

I pulled them on and they fit like a dream. Eric took one look, smiled and said, "Done!"

For protection, insulation, and the cool factor.

Aaaaaaaaand I have me my gloves. Tada!!!!

Gloves bagus!

Almost ready for our first dive trip together. Make that our first trip together, EVER. I know, so guai right? Haha. Can't wait to be back in the water... Bintan, here we come!!!!

Gorgeousness

2011-06-12T00:58:00.002+08:00

Got our bridal shoot photos!!!!! God, they're beautiful. Heehee. Not gonna upload them on FB till after the wedding - our lucky selected guests will be the first ones to see them at the wedding itself ;P Just one little photo as my profile pic, as a teaser. Can't wait for September... 3 months to go!!!!

Princess me!

2011-04-12T00:18:00.002+08:00

Second photoshoot done! Yayyyyyyy!!!!!!!

Thank God for holding the rain - perfect weather while we were shooting outdoors, and it started raining the moment we stepped into the car right after we finished shooting at our last outdoor location. We were praying that the weather forecast was wrong, and God must have heard our prayers! :)

Thank God for wonderful vendors we can get along so well with. Our bridal boutique, Blessed Brides, kindly let us use their premises for my last change of look today. The shop assistant Sandra was super helpful, even offering to help me 'undo' my hair at the end of the day (I had a zillion hairpins stuck in my gloriously messy 'do). And the dresses! The dresses! MY dresses!!!! Love love love. I'm so glad we discovered this little gem of a shop with the pretty, pretty frocks. Sigh. Makes me wish I had a few more changes of dresses in my shoot ;)

My hair and makeup artist Ivy is fantastic. I gave her photos of the looks I wanted and she just... made them happen. Impressed! Three lovely looks, complete with gorgeous hair accessories and jewellery (shiny shiny!!!!). I wish I could get dolled up like that every day. Dressing up is so fun! =P

Actually, make that 'photoshoots'. Photoshoots are so fun. Monica, our photographer, is such a joy to work with. She makes it really easy. Plenty of suggestions and direction - always a good thing.

Monica: "Girl ah... chin up. Uncle, don't smile so cheesy, can?"
Eric: "I only have one smile, and that's cheesy!"
Me: ...

(Notice she calls me 'Girl' but Eric 'Uncle'. She started off calling him 'Boy'... wonder how he became 'Uncle'. Heehee. Confused my dad once when he was standing nearby. Monica said 'Uncle', meaning Eric, and my dad responded instead! Heh.)

Eric and I did insert a few ideas of our own too. I hope(!!!) that between the three of us, we came up with some really fresh and personal shots! Can't wait for the photos...!!!

Thank God for Dad, who was our very patient and helpful personal chauffeur today. Love you so much, Dad. You're the best!!!

Thank God for Mom! Her attention to detail is awesome. She spots the little things that everyone else misses. Maybe it's a mom thing, I dunno. Whatever it is, thanks Mom!!! You saved me from, erm, a misplaced bustier and 'sideburns' today. Heh. And thanks for lunch and handling the balloons and flowers. We wouldn't have kept to the schedule without your help ;)

And finally... thank God for wonderful HTB who made me laugh 'naturally' throughout the day, helped me totter around in my killer heels and carried them when I gave up tottering in them (my feet will look great in the photos though!), gamely held the same poses until we got the shots we wanted, kept me hydrated while I got my hair done, and told me how pretty I looked the whole day long ;)

This is one of my fave moments of the day (apart from each time I took my heels off!):

Eric and I are waiting outside the bridal boutique for Dad to pick us up to go to our last location. I'm all togged up in a gorgeous evening gown with a gorgeous loooong train, ears and neck sparkling, birdcage veil coquettishly over one eye. We're talking and laughing and all excited. I'm feeling like a million bucks.

Random lady comes up to us and touches me on the arm. She smiles and says, "You look so beautiful, just like a princess."

Awwwwwww. That makes me SO happy. Haha.

And then Eric says, without missing a beat, "She's MY princess."

Eeps. Now I feel like a BILLION bucks. Hee! ;)

Eric's super bingo

2010-10-05T18:08:00.008+08:00

The bf proposed at Marina Barrage today over a game of Scrabble. He was hoarding letters and grumbling that he couldn't get the ones he wanted. "Can I change letters again? I keep drawing the same ones!!!" Good thing I let him.

Eric prepared a yummy spread for us. Potato salad with bacon bits, chicken chunks, sandwiches and grapes. And how do I know he loves me?... He put cheese on everything. Except the grapes. :)

Enjoying my sandwich. Eric's specialty. Luncheon meat, cheese, and lots of love.

"I just need a 'Y'... if I could place my letters, I think it will win me the game." I thought he was saving for some funky bingo word. He was saving for two words, actually. And yeah, they won him (a lot more than just) the game ;)

He never actually got his 'Y' because I had it. And I refused to trade it for his blank tile. He didn't want to use a blank because "blank got no points".

So how? He finally gave up trying to draw a 'Y' from the bag and said, "Ok, for illustrative purposes, let's say I had a 'Y'"... and he took my 'Y' from the board, put it in his tile rack and spun the board around to face me (he later told me he'd bought the Scrabble Deluxe swivel set just for this).

His proposal...

When I saw those two words, it took like 3 seconds to sink in. And then he pulled out the ring. Surprise!!!! =P

I cried, and then I laughed, and then I laughed and cried. I hugged him. And then I placed two letters under his tile rack.

...and my answer ;)

That's a bingo. The best one Eric ever played :)

Oh, happy day ;)

Bald and beautiful

2010-08-08T01:32:00.003+08:00

I did it. I shaved for Hair for Hope!!!!!! See?

Check out the vid my darling boyfriend did here: Mel loses her hair !

I kinda like my new look, to be honest. It's lighter and cooler, I don't have to wait for my hair to dry after my shower, and certainly no more bad hair days =P I get to try out new looks with caps and scarves, and certain people pat/stroke/rub my head a lot these days (I won't name names) - it's actually kinda soothing. Like a head massage. Haha.

Anyways, really really glad I did it, and so happy and thankful for all the generous donors supporting me in my effort to raise funds and awareness for this cause. To date, I have already raised over $700 - I'm hoping to make it an even thousand :) So if you aren't already one of said donors and wish to be, make your donation today!

Do it for the cancer kids. I did ;)

1 more day!

2010-07-24T08:18:00.002+08:00

Hey people,

I'M LOSING MY HAIR TOMORROW!!!!!!

Come support me at Vivocity Central Court (Level 1) at 3pm. The event's on from 10-8 so you can just come check it out yeah.

Thanks to everyone who's supported this cause so far! Anyone else who would like to do so can make a donation at Shave Mel. I'll also have my pledge card till mid-August.

Hairless photos to come...

See ya tomorrow!!!!! :)

For honour

2010-06-10T01:04:00.005+08:00

The Girl Guide Promise

I promise to do my best:
To do my duty to God,
To serve my country and help other people, and
To keep the Guide Law.

It's amazing the things I remember from Guides. 12 years since I last wore the uniform, and the Promise is still word-perfect. And it's not just the Promise. I can see Guiding in many aspects of how I live now... I think Guides had more of an impact on my life than I ever realised.

Here's one of the old campfire standards. I remember the first time my Company Leader taught us this song; the look on her face was so solemn. It really impressed me that she took these words so seriously.

On my honour I will try,
There’s a duty to be done and I say aye,
There's a reason here for a reason above,
My honour is to try and my duty is to love.

People don’t need to know my name,
If I’ve done any harm then I’m to blame,
If I help another I help me
If I open up my eyes to see.

Yeah, good words to live your life by. Not ever for personal glory... but always, above all, for honour.

No hair, much hope

2010-05-29T01:34:00.004+08:00

Phroooooo!!!!! Ok, now I've really gone and done it.

Ahem, ladies and gentlemen, I have a shocking (to most of you, anyway) announcement to make... in 57 days I will be losing my hair. Yes, voluntarily. Yes, ALL of it.

Yes, I will be going botak.

This July I will be taking part in Hair for Hope 2010 in aid of children with cancer.

Please join me in supporting this cause by making a donation at
http://www.hairforhope.org.sg:8080/hfh/donation/create?shaveeid=626

Thank you for your generous support (I have so much faith in all of you!) and all the good-natured ribbing I know I'm going to get along with it.

I'm so looking forward to 25 July ;)

Happy anniversary

2010-05-07T00:51:00.002+08:00

Thank you for a wonderful dinner. Thank you for the music. Thank you for the surprise dedication. *HUGS* Thank you, sweetheart, for a night to remember ;)

I love jazz - good jazz, and this was good - it just makes me so happy. I don't know if you noticed, but I was grinning like a maniac throughout Ruth's set. And then she said, "This morning I got an email from Eric and Mel..."

Hee. Eric!!!!! That was so cute. I can't believe you told her you won me over with her songs! And I can't believe she said it in front of everyone! Hahaha. That was a sweet moment. *blush*

I love the lyrics in the song she dedicated to us:

I can change the world,
I will be the sunlight in your universe
You would think my love was really something good,
Baby if I could change the world

You know what, darling? We are going to change the world, you and I. We'll make the world a better place - I truly believe we can and will achieve that. And I am so so glad we're gonna be doing that together.

Know something else? We've already begun.

Play with me

2010-03-03T20:51:00.006+08:00

"Look!" says the boyfriend, "Race For The Galaxy, online!"

"You're playing it? But I thought you didn't like the game at all!"

"I don't. I'm just practising so I can play it with you."

*grin*

Blogs and eggs don't mix

2010-02-26T01:04:00.004+08:00

Note to self: The boyfriend's blogging is cycle-dependent... mine, apparently.

Me: Hey, you don't blog anymore.
Him: I don't want to make you cry.
Me: But they're happy tears! You can make me cry as long as they're happy tears.
Him: Yeah, I'll blog... eventually. Actually I'm just trying to avoid the emo streak.
Me: ?
Him: You know... when you're done ovulating.

Ok, this relationship is getting complicated. Heh.

P.S. Done! You can blog now =P

Love, me

2010-02-14T02:24:00.004+08:00

To family, friends and my dearest significant other... to all those I love and those who love me (I hope this works both ways!)... to lovers and dreamers... Happy Valentine's Day! ;)

His name is Eric

2010-02-05T01:30:00.003+08:00

He makes me laugh. He tells me I'm beautiful all the time. He sings to me when we're alone. (He calls me up at 6am just to sing 'You Are My Sunshine'!!!) He tucks my hair behind my ear and then kisses me on the nose ;)

He quietly takes my bags so I won't have to carry them. He's not afraid to carry my handbag (though I don't let him do this too often!). He patiently waits for me and never ever complains. He spends an hour sending me home, and then another hour getting back to his place.

He keeps me from getting lost. He gives hugs freely. He says the sweetest things - and really means them.

His name is Eric. He's the boyfriend who rocks.

I thought you'd never ask

2010-01-27T01:44:00.001+08:00

But you did ;)

Happy birthday dearest! *hug*

Suan me. Suan me now.

2010-01-09T13:44:00.005+08:00

I am She Who Walks Into Plants. No kidding.

Our first cell group meeting was hilarious. You had to be there. We had a new girl, Camelia, and I *think* she liked us =P another Harry Potter fan! The girls are so gonna do a movie marathon before the last two movies come out *grinz*.

She'd studied in Sydney, and we wound up telling her about Sam and I visiting Lis there. I said it was a fun trip, except Lis and Sam ganged up against me the whole time. Like when Lis signalled to me to get off the bus and I signalled back that I got it, but *apparently* they both thought I just looked blank. They call this look the 'elevator music' look. (This is in the June 23, 2007 post - I knew I blogged this!)

Humph. So anyway, as I'm telling this story and pouting that my best friend(!) and my own sister(!!) like to gang up on me, my dear Europe holiday buddy Siew May, who's sitting on my left, chips in, "Actually, yeah, she does have that blank look on her face when she wakes up in the morning..."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boo. So much for support from my girls.

And Sam proceeds to recount the 'wrong cinema' story. You know, the one where everyone's waiting for me at Cineleisure, while I'm racing to PS to try to make it in time for the opening credits. (Or was it the other way around? I forget.) Anyway, I make it to the cinema *just* before the movie starts, can't find anyone and call Sam. Only to realise I'm at the wrong cinema. The best part? The tickets had been booked by (you guessed it) yours truly! I remember Pete saying "We'll kill you later" as we finally ran into the right cinema hall. Sorry guys =P

In my defence, I said at least I didn't get lost (for once) getting to the cinema. I just went to the wrong one!

All this time Jason sits across the table with this bemused look on his face. We all know what he's thinking... "Suan me. Suan me now!" Heehee. Well, it IS good entertainment right. Like Camelia said, I bring happiness to everyone. Yeah, 'cos everyone's definitely laughing now ;)

And to compound the evidence for my utter lack of direction, I take two steps out the door as we're leaving... and walk right into a neighbour's plant. "OW!!!!"

Now how on earth did I do that????? Sighness. Now I know where all these scratches that mysteriously appear on my arms and legs come from...

I gotta say though, I really do *heart* my cell girls. I love how they're always there for me, for meals, movies and mayhem (I mean, er, holidays). Already May and I were planning our next Europe trip over dinner before cell. Italy!!!! Whee!!!!!!!! Sam - 15 years of history. *Ouch* =P And I'd had an awesome lunch with Jess that day - always a pleasure babe ;) Glad I still get to see you even though we've split. Honestly, what would I do without my girls?

... Mmmmmm well. I'd still be laughing at myself I guess. But I'd have less people to laugh with me ;)

It's You I live for, everyday

2010-01-07T01:49:00.011+08:00

First CG meeting of 2010 tomorrow (technically, later today, heh). Super excited!!!! Still choosing songs for worship. I thought I'd decided already, but now I'm reconsidering. Wondering whether or not to include this one... it pretty much sums up all that I hope to see for each one of us this year.

Everyday

What to say, Lord? It's

You who gave me life and I

Can't explain just how

Much You mean to me now

That You have saved me, Lord

I give all that I am to You

That everyday I could

Be a light that shines Your name

Everyday, Lord, I'll

Learn to stand upon Your word

And I pray that I

I might come to know You more

That You would guide me in every single step I take, that

Everyday I can

Be Your light unto the world

Everyday, it's You I live for

Everyday, I'll follow after You

Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord

Everyday, Lord, I'll

Learn to stand upon Your word

And I pray that I

I might come to know You more

That You would guide me in every single step I take, that

Everyday I can

Be Your light unto the world

Everyday, it's You I live for

Everyday, I'll follow after You

Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord

It's You I live for, everyday

Everyday, it's You I live for

Everyday, I'll follow after You

Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord

Everyday, it's You I live for

Everyday, I'll follow after You

Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord

And you wonder why I care

2010-01-07T01:36:00.003+08:00

Trawling. It's a little bittersweet. I'm discovering a lot. And a lot of it makes me smile. Ah well. Que sera sera.

Anyway, I think I've gotten to the point where I'm happy to do it. And it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Yay me!

You know... I think I'm actually enjoying this. Quite a fair bit. And that's a very good thing ;)

Two weeks

2010-01-04T23:51:00.005+08:00

Happy New Year y'all! It's 2010 already. Woot!

Last year was a year of ups and downs for me and mine. Who knows what this year will bring? Already it's off to a rollercoaster beginning. Each day a new surprise...

Well, I don't know about tomorrow... but I know Who holds tomorrow ;) So I'll start the year trusting Him, and hope I'll keep trusting Him all year through. It's the only way!

________________________________________________________________

I think I experienced a brief moment of self-doubt today. I was almost tempted to emo. Sheesh. I had to remind myself why I'm doing this. And the reason is enough to keep me going. (It's a good one.) And so instead of emo-ing, I started praying. And found my peace in talking to God.

Incidentally, I know I'm experiencing personal growth when something that would have sent me into a tailspin barely 12 months ago now drives me almost immediately to my knees. Looks like I have found a good balance after all. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

________________________________________________________________

(In case you're actually reading my blog.)

Have you heard the story of the boy with the ball of golden thread? You probably have. If not, I'll tell you the story some day. Anyway, here's something that popped into my head on the train ride home. I'm writing this down before I forget.

********************************************

The boy with the ball of golden thread
Wanted too much too soon
So he skipped all the stars of the Milky Way
'Cos he wanted the Sun and the Moon
But the Sun burned out and the Moon grew cold
And before he knew it he'd gotten so old
And he'd missed the beautiful stars of the Milky Way
'Cos he wanted too much too soon

The boy with the ball of golden thread
Wanted to shed no tears
He shielded himself from each demon and ghoul
'Cos he wanted to face no fears
But he felt no joy 'cos he felt no sorrow
And with nothing to fear all bravery was hollow
So the boy with the golden thread lost his soul
'Cos he never shed any tears

*********************************************

As if it wasn't obvious enough, this is a little bit you and a little bit me.

You were right (mostly). I was wrong (sort of). But it'll still be two weeks till I say I'm sorry.

Time goes by...

2009-12-30T00:16:00.003+08:00

Why do we love? Because we were first loved.
Why do we give? Because we were first given the gift of life.

Keep loving. Keep giving. Keep living.

Merry Christmas y'all. Hope your Christmas was as meaningful as mine ;)

Leave, love

2009-12-09T03:08:00.002+08:00

It's quiet when you're not around
But then you're never really gone
You exist in the starry skies
And in the words of this song
You're like the pull of the ocean-tide
And I'm carried along
Do I mean something to you, love,
Or am I just another heart you've won?

When I look at you I see
A tiny part of me
When you're looking back I wonder
If we could ever be
Looking back and now we know
That nothing comes for free
We've paid our dues, we've earned our right
To possibility

Leave, love, while I'm awake
Let's not recall the give or take
Leave, love, just leave me here
Leave while I still hold you dear

Tomorrow's coming soon enough
We're never out of time
Regret belongs to yesterday
For tonight you're mine
I was all right before you came
And I'll always be fine
But darling, if you steal my heart
You'll have to pay in kind

Leave, love, while I'm awake
Let's not recall the give or take
Leave, love, while you still can
Don't tell me that you'll be my man
Leave, love, just leave me here
Leave while I still hold you dear
Leave while I still want you near

The funny thing is... I think I want you to stay.

Everyone's a winner

2009-12-08T02:08:00.002+08:00

Completing a marathon isn't easy, but it is simple.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. And listen to the voice inside your head.

"Run."

Moments of magic

2009-11-23T01:01:00.002+08:00

Sunday morning. Wake up to birdsong. The family of kingfishers is at it again outside our window. Gorgeous.

Joined the 'rents at their church today. In the lift going down, Mom looks at Dad and starts shaking her head. She goes, "Mel, look at your dad. Isn't he horrible?" What? I think Dad looks great. But Mom hates his ensemble. Dad says, "At home don't say. Wait until I'm in the lift then tell me." But he says this with a smile. We get down and hotfoot it to the carpark after Dad... only to see him scratching his head. "Where did I park the car???" The old folks burst into giggles. It's music to my ears. Birdsong and laughter. Magic moments.

Min's hen party today. Well really just one big girls' day out. Spa day! Loved the massage, especially since I'd squeezed in a 10km run between service and meeting the girls. My whole body was aching. Mmmmmmm. Much better now. Ice cream from Cedele after the spa, courtesy of our glowing bride-to-be. We couldn't find the flavour she recommended, so we chose four different flavours instead. Stood out on the sidewalk sharing. (Orchard Road is gorgeous this year, by the way. Where we were standing, a symphony of blue and white, shining globes and delicate crystals. Quite lovely.) A total Kodak moment: all four of us with our spoons in one another's little paper cups, joking and laughing. Another moment of magic.

Sigh. I'm gonna miss those moments.

Weekend sweetness

2009-11-22T01:45:00.003+08:00

Q: What will you do with your sphere of influence?
A: 'Twilight' them!

Haha. I'm fanning the flames of fandom in the Twilight fans among my GB seniors. Naughty me =P

BBQ at Grace's place today. Watched Shrek 3 with the girls. Tired myself out playing badminton with one of the boys (no actual court so we ended up playing at the entrance to the activity hall - and kept hitting the ceiling and the walls, heh). Got back Eclipse aka Twilight 3 from Zoe, lent her New Moon aka Twilight 2 again, then lent Eclipse to Shihui (hee!). Ate a ton of sausages and chicken wings (actually, just the drumsticks 'cos somebody gave me all her leftovers), fishballs, satay, chips, cupcakes and melty marshmallows. Yummmm. Didn't actually have to do much cooking - not after I'd burnt the first batch of sausages anyway =P Tried not to get too wet from all the splashing from the girls after they jumped into the pool (fully clothed, I might add!). Got kinda sorta serenaded by two of them - they lured me into a dark corner and sweetly sang me a few bars of Jay Chou's Caihong (Rainbow) accompanied by soft strumming on a borrowed guitar.

Awwwwwwwww... well it was a really sweet setup (I'm such a sucker for people singing and/or playing to me!), except they couldn't remember much of the lyrics. So then they happily scampered off to the pool - 'Pool first, sing later!' I never got the rest of the song though, since they were still in the pool by the time I had to go. I did get to sing a few songs with Grace and her daughter Heidi though. They make such a great team. Heidi said her strumming hand was tired so she asked her mother to strum while she played the chords with her other hand. It actually worked! So cool. Haha. And so sweet too. Another 'awwwwwwww' moment ;)

I love the GB people. I love my girls. I love my weekends. (Hen party tomorrow woot! This one very guai lah. Our dear Raspberry requested low key so we shall bow to the bride-to-be's wishes... no strippers, we promise!) *Smile*

Melancholy is just prettier

2009-11-20T00:59:00.006+08:00

Grayscale (Melancholy is just prettier)

You grow up with yourself

You grow old with yourself

You think you know yourself

But you don’t really know yourself at all

And I have to admit I’ve grown blind

To my faults and flaws

I am a law

Unto myself

Can’t tell light from darkness anymore

Mix the black in with the white

Watch it turn to shades of grey

And call it beautiful

Yeah it’s so beautiful

If I took a snapshot of you now

What would I see

What would you be

Monotone monochrome

Or a burst of living colour on a dark dark night

Turn your head and catch the light

Capture your silhouette in my sights

Let’s hear it for gray

‘Cos melancholy is just prettier

The lack of colour

Makes you look past the colour

To the inside

‘Cos we’re all the same inside

We’re all beautiful

********************************

Went shopping with the girls tonight. Great time as usual. You babes never fail me.

Walking out of a shop, we happen across cute pink compacts with stick drawings of smiling girls on the lid. One has a girl wearing a baseball cap and clutching a baseball mitt, with 'Made it to second base!' scrawled under her.

Saf: I always wondered what second base was. Third base too. I know first base is kissing...

Me (equally mystified): And a home run means... sex, right?

Saf: Yeah, so second and third base mean... ?

Far (totally blurts this out): Perky territory!

Say what? We look at one another and crack up.

In another store, after much browsing and consultation, we've finally come to a consensus (PRETTY!). On our way to get our selections gift wrapped, we keep getting inexplicably sidetracked. It's like we're getting sucked from one side of the aisle to the other.

I am first enamored by a pretty pink pillow with a way cool, but very sweet, black flower design. This is maybe ten metres from the gift wrap counter.

Me: Oooooh look at this pillow! I want!

Far: Yeah it would fit right in with your room!

Me: Yeah... (sigh) ok better get to the gift wrap counter.

We don't get very far, however, before Saf spots some funky purple suitcases right opposite, and she's off.

Saf: Look purple luggage!

Me: Don't get sidetracked people, the counter's right there!

Saf: But... it's purple!

Far (almost makes it but looks back): Oh... it IS purple!

Saf reluctantly leaves the funky purple suitcases behind but her attention is almost immediately grabbed by more purple suitcases up ahead. These are bright purple, and one is the hugest-ass suitcase ever.

Saf: Look, it's so purple!

We make it to the counter after about five minutes. And then zigzag our way back out of the store.

But not before we help Saf find some 'suckling plastic'. Huh? Turns out she wanted vacuum packs. Well I've never heard it described quite that way but it does kinda make sense, hey? Suckling plastic. Heheh.

Ai... I'm gonna miss Saf. But yeah she'll be back before we know it. So... bon voyage babe. Hello Pandas forever!

I want you and your beautiful soul

2009-11-19T00:06:00.003+08:00

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
Yeah

You might need time to think it over
But I'm just fine moving forward
I'll ease your mind if you give me the chance
I will never make you cry c`mon let's try

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Am I crazy for wanting you?
Maybe do you think you could want me too?
I don't want to waste your time there's not enough time to hide

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your soul
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
Ooooooo
Beautiful soul, yeaaaah
Oooooo, yeaah
Your beautiful soul yeah yeah yeaah yeaah

- Beautiful Soul (Jesse McCartney)

Looks like the standard of Singapore Idol this year has gone up some. Thank God.

Because I am emo kid

2009-11-18T00:40:00.011+08:00

Today was one of those days where I wake up feeling so good – just happy to be alive. I stretch and wiggle my toes and snuggle a little more under the blanket and bask in the sunlight streaming in through the trees. I look around: pretty cushions on my bed, pretty curtains, pretty pictures on the wall, pretty birdie decal on the glass window, pretty basket of teddies. My room is so pretty. It’s a great room to wake up in.

I hop out of bed, wash up and throw my clothes on. I’m wearing a stripey blue blouse today with my favourite grey slacks, and my signature wide hairband. The blue makes me happy. The stripes make me happy. I smile at myself in the mirror – it’s gonna be a great day.

(Note to self: I am soooooooo easily satisfied. Honestly. *shakes head* No wonder I’m so bloody happy so much of the time. Not that I'm complaining. Happy is good, as long as it's not mindless. Which I don't think I am. Most of the time anyway...)

Yeah so, happy day, right? I'm not even gonna let the stupid people on the train get to me today. I'll just hold my breath as much as I can, try to avoid getting other people's hair in my face, ignore the shoving, squishing and trampling, and pretend guys aren't staring at me again. (Ok lah, better than girls staring. I find it seriously creepy when girls stare at me. Do they think I'm pretty, do I have food on my face, are they les, what? There was this one girl who did that to me the other day on the train. No change in expression, just superintense focus, like she was trying to laserbeam her way into my head. I ignored her at first, but I could feel her staring even when I turned my back on her. I glanced at her a couple of times. Still staring. No embarrassment. Finally I just kinda glared at her. AND SHE STILL WOULDN'T STOP STARING. Majorly weird. Ugh.)

Anyway, I digress. So I stay determinedly happy throughout the day, listening to music and bopping along. Horrible weather outside (makes me miss my bed) but music always gets me through. I'm anticipating Cat Power in Jan and giving serious thought to Muse as well. Oh and Budak Pantai really soon! Wheeee! My poor dear wallet.

So, ok, music. Head bopping. Happy. It's almost 5.30 - time to go! Then my cellphone rings. Turns out to be a sweet Chinese girl who mispronounces my name.

Sweet Chinese girl: Harro... may I speak to ah... Miss Merani Sim?

Me: Yes?

SCG: Hi, I'm from French Bridal.

(Oh, damn.)

SCG: Can I confirm your wedding date?

(Double damn.)

Me: Ah... sorry, I can't.

SCG: Oh, you haven't confirmed your date yet? Maybe you can give me an estimate so you can come down and see our dresses first...

Me: No, I mean... I don't have a date. I'm not.

SCG: Oh maybe you just come down first lah.

Me: No, I mean I'm not. I'm NOT.

SCG: Huh?... Nevermind you don't need a date, just come first...

(Damn damn damn. She's really not getting this is she? Ok, I'm not exactly making it easy for her, but what the heck am I supposed to say? I'm in the office, which isn't exactly the most private place. And I don't need to advertise what happened. I can't very well say what I want to say, can I? Which is really, "I don't have a wedding date I'm not getting married after all screw the freaking package already".)

She finally gets it, at least I think she does, or she might have just given up on me. I hit 'disconnect' and what do you know, that's exactly how I feel. Disconnected. My hands are shaking. I thought I was over this. God knows, it's been long enough. Just when you think it's all behind you... well life sure is funny that way huh. Haha.

So much for my great day.

Most of the time, it really doesn't matter anymore. I don't think about it. It's just another story from my past. A whole other life. I don't need to fight it or bury it or forget it - it just is. And that's okay. But every now and then I get reminded, usually when I least expect it. And it's just so not funny when that happens. I'd just rather let the memories fade away. There isn't much worth saving.

Now I'm all angsty. So I'm emoting it out here. Writing is therapy, catharsis for me. So, here.

I had dinner at Starbucks yesterday. I ordered a vanilla latte. It tasted good. It made me think of you.

I almost dropped my cream cheese bagel. It made me smile. It made me think of you.

I walked past Ben & Jerry's. (That one twinged a bit.) It made me think of you.

I took the train home. Walked back through the light rain. I was cold. It made me think of you.

I listened to my songs all the way home. Barenaked Ladies. In the Car, The Old Apartment, When You Dream, Break Your Heart, Call and Answer. It made me think of you, and you, and you.

A hundred yous, a thousand us-es. A million yesterdays, hellos and goodbyes.

Just one today.

And what I make of it.

A heart of gratitude

2009-11-08T15:32:00.007+08:00

It's a beautiful Sunday afternoon, and I'm just feeling glad, glad, glad. I have so much to be thankful for! As I shared with my parents as we prayed together this morning, I'm just very very blessed. I was telling them about the Girls' Brigade and our team BBQ yesterday and what a great day it was. I love my weekends, I love my girls and I love my team. I'm sooooo glad my colleagues are my friends ;)

Team Rose - October/November babies' birthday celebration.

I haven't done this for a while - actually listed out the things I'm thankful for. I think I did that one birthday. Well, my birthday was a couple of weeks ago and the mini-celebrations (speaking of which, check out the cell group karaoke session heehee!) are finally winding up (last one tonight!) so let's make a list!

I'm thankful for:
1. My beautiful, wonderful family - my supportive, loving parents who are wise in many ways and incredibly patient with me at times (I hope I don't try them too much!) and my darling bro and sis who surprise me every now and then with how sweet and perceptive they are. Awwwww...
2. My friends - all of them! From the really close ones who are always there for me and to whom I can pour my heart out to (and who know ALL my secrets - I'm glad there are some people in this world who know me that well =P), to the ones who encourage and inspire me daily whether they know it or not, to the ones who always make me laugh and think and keep me from dying of stress, boredom or lack of intelligent and meaningful conversation.
3. My home, especially my gorgeous gorgeous room. My sanctuary and instant stress reliever. Not just because of the great colour scheme and decor (heehee) or fantastic view or even my fave books and music, but also because it's filled with lots of love. Most of the objects in my room have a little story behind them, and a large number were gifts from various people in my life. Like the teddy bears on my bed and in the basket behind it, and the little doggies scattered around my bookshelf - almost all came from my dad or my bro or my girlfriends or my guy friends or my ex-schoolmates or, of course, ex-boyfriends. The bowl that holds my potpourri was a Christmas present from an aunt and uncle, as was the perfume on my vanity. The jewellery holder was a birthday present a couple of years ago from my fave bunch of girls - my darling Hello Panda Club! - and the Twilight Calendar behind my CD player was this year's birthday present from my best friend =P I bought the coloured glass bowls on my cabinets on my first visit to my sis in Australia, and the woven handbag on a trip to Phuket with my parents. Even the framed photos on my wall were taken by an ex. So it's a room full of memories. Mostly good ones - at least, those are the ones I focus on ;)
4. My church - my second family! I love the people, I love how I've grown since I've joined it. I love how I have the opportunity to contribute and bless others. Indeed, blessed to bless! ;) I love the Sunday services and how they inspire and refresh me, and help me to keep my eyes on God.
5. My job - my work, my colleagues, and the different opportunities that come with the job. I hope my colleagues will always be my friends - and that we'll keep partying together =P
6. My finances - again and again and again, God meets all my financial needs. Somehow, every time I need money, it just appears. So cool!!!!! I don't think I've ever had to worry about money. It's not like I'm rolling in cash, but I always have just enough to survive on, enough to pay my bills and enough to give away ;) Thank God!!!
7. My youth and my health - I remember how on the Europe trip, Siew May and I were talking to some of the aunties and uncles in our tour group. They were saying they wanted to travel more but there were some places they might not be able to see because they were getting on in years and not in fantastic health. And May and I were so thankful that we could travel while we were still young and fit. Thank God we have the opportunity NOW - and not have to wait till we're retired! And I love running and how it makes me feel - well when the runner's high hits anyway - so alive and free! Same with diving and trekking. I'm trying to pack in as much as I can, while I still can...
8. (Ok this list can go on and on and on, so just the top 8 - I have to leave soon for my last birthday celebration of the year =P) I'm so very thankful I have God in my life. (Is it weird to say thank God for God? Anyhoo.) Yeah, as the song goes, Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt... I'm constantly amazed at how much He cares for me and how much He loves me and how patient He is with me, when some days I must hurt him so deeply. I'll never ever be as good as I strive to be, I keep falling, but He's always there to catch my fall... and He still loves me, this pathetic, fallen, broken human being. Thank God.

I am yours

2009-11-08T00:20:00.004+08:00

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wondering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what you've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who you are

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am
I am yours
I am yours

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again
Who am I?
That the voice that calm the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because what of you've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who you are

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am
I am yours

Not because of who I am
But because of what you've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who you are

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
You told me who I am
I am yours
I am yours

Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cuz I am yours
I am yours

-Who Am I (Casting Crowns)

I just learnt this song this morning, at Girls' Brigade. Beautiful, isn't it? I know Who's gonna catch me when I fall ;)

Bring on the melancholy!

2009-07-31T00:13:00.005+08:00

Yeah ok, you can guess from the title of this post that I'm feeling kinda pensive tonight. So I wrote this. I've probably got another song somewhere with the same title, but I'm too wiped out to think of what, so. Whatever, huh? I'm just really drained right now... meh. Life is unfair... suck it up!

Catch me if I fall

The world is watching
And I get so tired
Of being Superwoman
Your everyday hero
I'm fighting for a cause
That I can't recall
When I'm shot out of the sky
Who will catch me if I fall?

Breaking to pieces
Stretching so thin
I'm giving all I got
But I won't give in
Will I be the same
When the world takes it all?
If there's nothing left of me
Will you catch me if I fall?

There's no one but my shadow
To share my hope and sorrow
No one to listen or try to understand
I wish you were with me
To comfort and guide me
Strong arms to hold me or lend a helping hand

Everything's changing
While I'm standing still
I'll hold it together
'Cos no one else will
Time's not the enemy
Till I hit the next wall
So will you stay with me
Say you'll catch me if I fall

Will you catch me if I fall...
Will you catch me if I fall...
When I've given all I have to give
When I've lived the best life I can live
Will you catch me if I... fall

To sleep among the stars

2009-06-30T01:47:00.006+08:00

In a melancholic mood tonight. Don't know why, I guess I'm just tired from gym (but keyed up so I can't sleep!). Heh. My body pulls weird things on me these days. Anyhoo, I felt like writing. I had a whole piece in my head but I started blogging and realised I couldn't be bothered after all (it was gonna be a pretty long post - maybe next time), so here's a quickie instead. Emoting always makes me feel better =P

I'll sleep among the stars tonight
Wrap myself in velvet sky
Give myself to gentle slumber
As the breeze sighs a lullaby

The moon will watch me as I rest
And wash me in her gentle glow
Till memory fades and I forget
The cares and fears of long ago

A night of calm, ere the day is done
Hours of toil and mortal's schemes
Oh blessed night! That beckons me come
And lose myself in sweetest dreams

I'll drift away into the clouds
And let the darkness hide my face
I'll sleep among the stars tonight
And pray I wake in a better place

It's not easy... to be me

2009-06-13T23:26:00.002+08:00

Wow it's been a long long long time since I've last blogged. Was waiting for something big to blog about but as I'm still waiting for the dive pics... =P I decided, screw it, I'll just write anyway.

I walked home today with an old friend of mine, Mui Sin. It was, shall we say, an eye-opening experience (*chuckles darkly to self at private joke*). I was feeling a little down in the dumps earlier in the day, but Mui Sin reminded me, just by being himself, that I have so much to be thankful for. I should be counting my blessings instead of grousing about what I don't have. I was chastened, enlightened, ilumined (ok, I made that last word up). And once again, completely wowed by God's presence in my life.

Every single time I start feeling bad and start complaining, God sends a little reminder my way: Hey Mel, open your eyes! Are you listening to yourself? Look around, see how I have provided for you all your life! See how much I have given you. So many others don't have even a fraction of what you have - your health, your job, your home, your family, your friends, your colleagues, your education, your opportunities, your outlook on life. How can you doubt me even for one moment?

You're right, God. As usual. You haven't failed me yet - ever - and I know You're not going to. Just because I don't have it now, just because I can't see it, doesn't mean I'll never have it or that it'll never happen. It just hasn't happened - yet. Like the AC motto: The best is yet to be!

Ah, I'm just a complaining bitch. Sometimes I need to be reminded of His goodness. And it's not easy staying the course. Y'know, I was saying to God: "Hey, what's with all the pain and persecution? I didn't sign up for this!" And God said: "Oh yes you did." And guess what? He's right (as usual!). I signed up for this - all of this, the good times and the bad times when the world seems against me - when I became a Christian. I willingly chose a life of hardship for His sake, and I willingly (ok, sometimes reluctantly) choose it again every single moment of every single day, when I stick to His standards, refuse to compromise, not take the easy way out.

Why? Because I love Him. Because I know that it's the right thing to do. Because something deep inside of me just won't allow me to leave. I can't leave. Not now. Please God, not ever.

So thank you God, for that subtle knock on the head today. I really needed that. I'll try to remember to count my many blessings the next time I feel like bitching. (*sigh* Won't be easy though.) Amen!

The dreaming

2009-01-28T00:35:00.003+08:00

She sits in the darkness and thinks to herself. Quiet thoughts, in black and white like the old photographs treasured away in thick, musty family albums, punctuated only by the occasional unexpected burst of colour of a particularly vibrant new idea. One flickers in her consciousness, tentatively. She reaches out and grasps it with eager hands. Fingers spider-walk quickly over the thought - but no, not this one, not this time. She sighs, rubs the sleep from weary eyes and begins to write.

"Somewhere in eternity, suspended in time
Sleeps the man with my name, that I'm searching to find
All the wishing on wishbones will not make him mine
Until he awakes from his dreaming

Shadows to shadows, stardust to star
Near as a thought and just as far
Will I walk through infinity to find where you are
Until you awake from your dreaming?"

It is an unanswered question. She leaves one darkness for another. And searches for the answer, still.

* Ok this is all metaphorical, so don't worry, I'm pretty sure I'm still all there. Pretty much, anyways. I just felt like writing, is all.

Could be worse ;)

2009-01-24T01:31:00.004+08:00

I keep meaning to blog, but life's been busy. Which is something I'm thankful for. I need to be distracted.

So here we go with yet another distraction... It's very very late I know (or very very early, I guess) but I've just had some sinfully yummy chocolate and the resulting sugar rush is keeping me awake. (Note to self: I really should listen to my trainer once in a while. He might actually have a good point there about not eating after 7pm. *sigh* Another one of my New Year's resolutions...) I got this off my bro's Facebook notes. Totally pointless but it looks like fun anyhow, so... let's do it! (Pardon the comments on every answer - blame it on the sugar rush.)

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

4. Tag 10 or more friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Happy (Lighthouse Family) - this actually sounds like something I would say

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Up all night (Razorlight) - ooooh err how suggestive =P

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Leaning against the wall (Kings of Convenience) - yup, for a number of reasons

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
This fire (Franz Ferdinand) - awesome answer!

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Unforgetful you (Jars of Clay) - hmmmmmmm

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Change your mind (The Killers) - wahahaha...

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Work (Jimmy Eat World) - wahahahahahahhaha....

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Everlong (Foo Fighters) - well I suppose that would be 'very often'...

WHAT IS 2+2?
Lonelilly (Damien Rice) - weird equation!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Crooked teeth (Death Cab for Cutie) - Sorry Sam! ;)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Danger (Third Eye Blind) - But I haven't figured this one out yet anyway...

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
I dare you to move (Switchfoot) - actually very spot-on. So far. Wow.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Grace is gone (Dave Matthews Band) - ummmmmmmm

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I see you, you see me (The Magic Numbers) - Duh!

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Never think (Robert Pattinson) - Sadded...

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Famous last words (My Chemical Romance) - Doesn't sound good haha

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
You and me (Lifehouse) - should swop this answer with the previous question's...

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Give a little bit (Goo Goo Dolls) - HEY!!!!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Narc (Interpol) - Yeah. All of them.

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Same side of the moon (Corrinne May) - huh??

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Eyes on fire (Blue Foundation) - *Ulp* Not literally I hope.

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Bella's lullaby (Carter Burwell) - No I don't

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Que Sara Sara (Katamari Damacy soundtrack) - Yeah it really really does!

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Innocence again (Switchfoot) - *Gulp* So true...

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Everything to everyone (Everclear) - I'm not sure if this is a yes or no!

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Plastic (Reality Check) - Yeah plastic really scares the crap outta me. Oooooh scary

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Be strong now (James Iha) - Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
In the car (Barenaked Ladies) - Ahehehe.

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
I didn't see her (The Observatory) - Who???

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Could be worse (The Dingees) - Hence this post's title

Ok done! Yay!!!! I'm not gonna tag anyone, the sugar rush is wearing off now so I'm gonna snuggle under the covers and drift off to dreamland while the soft but intensely moving strains of Bella's Lullaby fill my room (I so do not regret this!)... feel free to post this meme on your own blog/Facebook/whatever. Nights and happy CNY everyone!!!!

All the latest buzz

2008-12-14T01:43:00.048+08:00

Oh man oh man oh man... so much's been happening lately and I barely have time to take it all in, much less have a moment to myself! So I'd better blog all this before it leaks out of my head. I'm off to Australia on Monday to reunite with the bro and sis, so there'll be more pics and more stories to tell real soon. Okayyyyyyyyyyy! Let's start with Taiwan then ;)
This is gonna be really abbreviated - I'll just let the pics do the talking. I have tons and tons of photos thanks to Gerald! =P Team Taiwan comprised four Rovers committee alumni - Gerald from the 20^th comm., Kailun and Weixi from the 21^st, and me from the 24^th. Nice to know after all these years, the spirit of adventure and friendship still survives ;)

So we arrived in Taipei on 3 Nov and hopped on a train to Jiayi the next day. I had egg rolls for breakfast!!!! An absolute first for me. (There wasn't much else to eat!)

Then another train to Alishan for a night's stay, where we had our first taste of authentic Taiwanese salt-and-pepper chicken.

Mmmmm-mmmmmm! See us clustering round the little bag of chicken like some kinda addicts getting our fixes...

And on to a biiiiig steamboat dinner...

And coffee at Starbucks...

while we played bridge of course =P It's a Rovers thing ;)

And on 5 Nov - da da da da! - we started our trek up Yushan, or Jade Mountain. One full day's worth of trekking - 9 to 5! It was just 8.5km but some of it was pretty hard going, especially at the beginning. Man, it was steep! And there were something like 87 bridges... I was counting each one. Ow.

Distance marker along the way. This was at the beginning of the trek. If I recall correctly, at that point, seeing the marker, my reaction was, "We've covered only 0.5km???? No way!!!!"

We took lots of pics along the way - well, Gerald did, anyway. These two are my favourites from the whole trip. I love the second one especially - don't we look cool? ;)

We made it to the lodge, Paiyun Manor, before it got dark. The sunset up there is truly magnficent. Check it out.

We had a quick meal, cooking by headlamp.

I was offered ginger tea by a guy cooking at the next table - it's good to be a girl =P

Then a quick sleep (interrupted by a few minutes of star-gazing while shivering in my socks), and a very early wake up call (2am! Just like Mount K) to tackle the summits. Standing at 3952m at the highest point, Jade Mountain is the highest mountain in East Asia. Whoooo!

The plan was to scale both the North and the Main summits (the furthest and the highest peaks respectively), but I only made the North one. I *might* go back for the other one someday - I totally LOVE Taiwan. Yeah.

"We're freezing our butts off... but we made it!" And was the sunrise worth it?

You betcha. Absolute awesomeness.

Then it was back down to Paiyun, and from there to the start point at Tatajia by 5. And off to Cherry Lodge in Dongpu (an absolutely fantastic little lodge, with an ultra-nice lady boss who cut guava for us at night and specially prepared soya milk for us for breakfast!), with a personal hot springs bath with every room.

Mmmmmm freshly made soy milk. Hearty goodness in every sip.

The lady boss - that's her on the extreme left - was really really nice. She tour guided us around Dongpu. Here we are at the Dongpu bridge, a really really high suspension bridge. Weixi's not so good with heights, so he was quite antsy taking this shot =P That's him in the middle front - he's very bravely not clutching the sides!

Nice lady boss also brought us to Shiuli - bubble tea!!!!! - and Jiji - beef noodles!!! Yum yum. Trekking sure makes you hungry. And Taiwan food is goooooood. See Kailun eating his noodles with such great relish. Heh.

Back to Taipei we went for a shopping/eating spree! We checked out the night market in Jilong...

Fried mushrooms! Whee!!!

Yummy food on sticks! Whee!!!!!

Cheap stuff to buy! Whee!!!! (I bought socks.)

Seafood dinner. "We're eating this lot. What are YOU gonna eat?"

And tons of sweets! Sweeeeeeeeet. "Just one of each... one basket of each."

And we got our feet massaged too. Relaxing. This is before the screaming started. Eaaaaurrrrghhhhhhh!!!!

We trooped around Jiufen...

Yam soup. I had yam AND eggs in Taiwan. Two things I normally avoid like the plague. Wow. Taiwan really does something to me.

Ahhhhhh! So cute! They're little magnets with waggly heads. I bought like $25 worth of these babies back as souvenirs. So cute!!!!!!

Mochi!!!! Big, fat and juicy. Yummmmmm.

More cute stuff at the mochi shop.

Kailun doing product placement.

We explored Ximending...

Do candied apples count as eating healthy? It's still fruit right?

The look on Kailun's face says it all...

Next stop Danshui! On the train...

You gotta love their ads.

After a long hard search we finally found our precious fried mushrooms. We love the magic mushrooms!

'Tie dan' or um, iron eggs? Bleurgh. Everyone else seems to love them though.

Yeah that was the Taiwan trip. Taiwan ROCKS!!!!!! I so wanna go back. Soon =P

In other news, I just completed my second marathon a week ago! The Standard Chartered Marathon 2008! Rowr!

I like this shot the best - see my swishy hair? Nice. Total race time 7:08. Whooooo! Much better than the Sundown. Yeah I think I'll do at least one more next year. Heh... just call me a sucker for punishment ;)

In other other news, we've had our team Christmas dinner! AND we've had our company Year End Party!!!! Which was totally awesome, by the way. I'll post pics when I get them. Meantime, here's my party name tag =P Whooooo!!!!!

Infinitely me

2008-11-20T01:51:00.003+08:00

If I had time
Infinity
A thousand tomorrows
Forever and a day
Would I still say
The things I say
Every day
Would I live like this
With reckless abandon
Disregarding
My limitations
Myself
Where would I be
Would I be free
Or would infinity
Be the death of me

Sometimes I wonder if more time is really a good thing. I never seem to have enough, but then, the very things you desire can become your strongest shackles. I still wonder.

Make me smile

2008-11-16T23:50:00.011+08:00

Wheeeeeeeeee! I finally got my Taiwan pics! Yayayayayayayayayayayay!!!!! But first, team chalet pics! (I've already blogged about this so just pics now.) Here are some of my faves...

The guys get loud while they duke it out...

...while the girls laugh at them =P I shall not post the embarrassing vids here, since I'm planning on living till Christmas, at least.

It's Halloween, so fangs and devil horns come free with the chalet. They suit Eug #1 just fine...

...not sure they work for Eug #2 though. Heehee. I'm *really* not scared. Okay, this cracks me up everytime I look at it. Wahahahahaha...

Dangit. This was actually a pretty nice shot. All together now... hrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

The yummy fruity birthday-cum-anniversary cake shared by 7 people (7 birthdays!!!! Wow). I dropped my piece. So I ate all the fruit off another one. Heeheehee.

Happy shiny people. I love y'all ;)

Next up... TAIWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!! Don't go away. We'll be right back after these messages. *wink*

Look at the stars

2008-11-11T00:54:00.005+08:00

I'm back!!!! And missing Taiwan already. The whole trip was fantastic - what a great holiday! I love trekking. I love these guys. And I absolutely love Taiwan.

I wanna go back.

My feet are still a little sore from all that running around - probably more from trawling the night markets than from the trek! - but the rest of me longs for the mountains still. When you're so close to the heavens that the very stars seem brighter and you hold your breath and try to stop shivering for a moment so you can take it all in... the air is cold and crisp and the night is silent around you and all you can think about is how beautiful the world is. And you think, This, THIS is why I climb mountains.

Until you haul your ass up a steep incline to a lonely little peak and your butt cheeks start freezing. That's when you turn to the poor sap next to you and ask, "Why am I doing this again?"

The sunrise from the mountaintop is gorgeous though. The sun comes up so slowly, and you can see each individual ray, like a lighthouse beacon, radiating from its bright burning centre. The sky turns to soft shades of pink and purple, and you behold mountains, beyond mountains, beyond mountains, beyond mountains, as far as the eye can see. It's so beautiful it's almost hard to believe it's real. Even with the windburn... you forget just how cold you are, if only for a few seconds.

Sigh. I wish I could climb Jade Mountain again. (Funny how treks always seem more fun after the fact.) Yep, I'd even put up with living in dirty sweats and not having working toilets for a couple of days again and surviving on chocolate throughout the day. I do wish all the guys on the mountain were as cute as the aborigine guy we saw though. Mmmmmm... chocolate =P

I'm definitely going back. Maybe I'll do another mountain. But definitely Taiwan.

More updates when I've cleared all the backlog. Waiting for the photos ;) TAIWAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!

Fun fun fun

2008-11-03T00:32:00.003+08:00

I've just had the funnest weekend. KTV on Fri night (even though the whole day was a mad rush so we could leave as early as possible) where we crooned, bopped, cheered and screamed ourselves hoarse, a great day out at Escape Theme Park on Saturday (where I again screamed myself hoarse *blush*) and a BBQ in the evening with delish food courtesy of a bona fide hotel chef (this time I think we went hoarse because we all ate way too much)!!! I have to say this again, I love my team so much! I must be really blessed when it comes to the people I work with, 'cos I've loved every single one of the teams I was ever a part of. But the current one really rocks. Can't wait for the photos and videos. Ahahahahaha.

I have never enjoyed dueting so much.
I have never seen anyone sing 'I don't wanna miss a thing' with so much passion/gusto/angst.
I have never screamed so long or so loudly on an amusement park ride. (Yes, contrary to what some people may think now, I'm actually very comfortable with heights. I just screamed to distract myself from the stomach churning. Hey, it worked!)
I have also never been on a rollercoaster ride where I didn't even feel like screaming. Ahahaha.
I have never heard such a variety of ghost stories in one sitting.
I have never celebrated so many birthdays at the same time (seven people! I guess that makes things much easier huh).
I have never been attacked by a vampire AND a devil!

What can I say? The weekend was awesome ;)

Even managed to squeeze in a walk at the Bukit Timah Nature Reserve after I got home from the chalet. Last minute 'training' for the mountain! It's fun to walk in the rain - good thing I brought an umbrella. I hope the weather over there will be better. Packing for Taiwan now... what a happy, busy life I have. Heehee =P Life really is good, after all.

Crashing

2008-10-27T00:41:00.002+08:00

I. Am. So. Freaking. Exhausted. 10 km today, and everything hurts. My ass is aching, my back is sore, my legs feel so tight. That's what I get for not training. Hahaha. And this is just a little taster - minuscule, really - for Taiwan. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I'm just glad it's over. Gonna crash now. Thank God tomorrow's a holiday!

... I think I'm sort of getting my runner's form back though. It's hard to tell, it's been way too long. *blush* Let's hope I'll be back in shape by the time Dec rolls around. Taiwan is just training for the Stanchart marathon, after all =P

A mission of reconnection

2008-10-26T12:19:00.003+08:00

It's birthday week, and it's been so great. Thank you everyone for all the birthday wishes, presents, treats and outings! Love all you guys and girls ;)

I'm glad I got to meet up with old friends this week and in the weeks before (and a few more soon) - and some of you are really really really old friends! This year marks 10 years of friendship with some of you people - the friends I got to know in JC - and for some, I'm proud to say we've been friends more than half our lives. Wow. I guess one good thing about getting older is that the really good friendships get stronger and the really good friends get dearer. I find I love you all more and more every year =P

I wish I saw more of some of you though. I know it's hard to meet up sometimes now that most of us are working and travelling and have other commitments, but I've got a little more time now, so this year I'm gonna try to meet up with as many of you as I can, as much as I can. Let's call it my mission of reconnection. So if I haven't already seen you recently, I'll probably be in touch soon. Or if you don't hear from me, then well I guess it's up to you to call me up haha. See you soon! XP

Lost magic

2008-10-18T23:13:00.008+08:00

Two of my fave songs by the Magic Numbers...

Love's A Game

Oh maybe I think, maybe I don’t
Maybe I will, maybe I won’t
Find my way this time
I hear you calling me soon

One of these days
Somebody stays and somebody pays
It happens all the time
I’ll be leaving, believing you wanted me to

Maybe I’m a fool
For walking in line
Maybe I should try to lead this time
I’m an honest mistake that you made
Did you mean to?
Did you mean
Did you mean

Love is just a game
Broken all the same
And I will get over you
Love is just a lie
Happens all the time
Swear I know this much is true

And they collared you up
And collared you down
And coloured you in
And I’ve been waiting so long
To take you home

And maybe I think, maybe I don’t
Maybe I will, maybe I won’t
Find my way tonight
But I hear you calling me soon

Maybe I’m a fool
For walking in line
Maybe I should try to lead this time
I’m an honest mistake that you made
Did you mean to?
Did you mean
Did you mean

Love is just a game
Broken all the same
And I will get over you
Love is just a lie
Happens all the time
Swear I know this much is true

Maybe I’m a fool
For walking in line
Maybe I should try to lead this time
I’m an honest mistake that you made
Did you mean to?
Did you mean
Did you mean

Love is just a game
Broken all the same
And I will get over you
Love is just a lie
Happens all the time
Swear I know this much is true

I See You, You See Me

I never wanted to love you, but that's ok
I always knew that you'd leave me anyway
But darling when I see you, I see me

I asked the boys if they'd let me go out and play
They always said that you'd hurt me anyway
But darling when I see you, I see me

It's alright I never thought I'd fall in love again
It's alright I look to you as my only friend
It's alright I never thought that I could feel this something
Rising, rising in my veins
Looks like it's happened again

I never thought that you wanted for me to stay
So I left you with the girls that came your way
But darling when I see you, I see me
I often thought that you'd be better off left alone
Why throw a circle round a man with broken bones
But darling when I see you, I see me

It's alright I never thought I'd fall in love again
It's alright I look to you as my only friend
It's alright I never thought that I could feel this something
Rising, rising in my veins
Looks like it's happened again

You always looked like you had something else on your mind
But when I try to tell you, you'd tell me never mind
But darling when I see you, you see me

I wanna tell you that I'll never love anyone else
You wanna tell me that you're better off by yourself
But darling when I see you, you see me

This is not what I'm like [x4]
This is not what I do
This is not what I'm like
I think I'm falling for you

I never thought - This is not what I'm like
I never thought - This is not what I do
I never thought - This is not what I'm like
I never thought - I think I'm falling for you
I never thought -
I never thought -
That I could feel this something
Rising, rising in my veins
Looks like it's happened again

And it looks like
I feel this something
Rising, rising in my veins
Looks like it's happened again

The magic's lost now. I wonder if I'll ever find it again... I really hope so.

Beautiful Sunday

2008-10-13T00:52:00.002+08:00

Two verses I really like:

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Came to me right after I finished QT. And I thought I was done. Guess He wasn't =P

And the song for today:

God sent His son, they called Him Jesus
He came to love, heal and forgive
He gave His life to buy my pardon
An empty grave is there to prove my Saviour lives!

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know, I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living, just because He lives!

How sweet to hold a newborn baby
And feel the pride and joy he gives
But greater still the calm assurance
This child can face uncertain days because He Lives!

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know, I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living, just because He lives!

And then one day, I'll cross the river
I'll fight life's final war with pain
And then as death gives way to vict'ry
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives!

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know, I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living, just because He lives!

YAY ;)

Every time you call

2008-10-12T01:41:00.007+08:00

I'm finding my inspiration in the gym these days. Mostly at the end of a workout, when I'm lightheaded with exhaustion (and relief). That's when I start getting songs in my head. I finish them up in the shower, which is why my showers are sometimes almost as long as the workout. I don't sing the songs in the shower - that's probably bad form - but I do dance. Whoooooo!

Anyway, these two songs were inspired by friends and what they're going/have gone through. Neither one is based solely on one person - they're amalgations of various situations, experiences and reactions, which sort of mirror my own as well - but if any part of the song speaks to you, well then that song was probably written for you. (I hope you don't mind my 'borrowing' your experiences for my musical fodder =P Indulge me my vainglory, I'm in a melancholic mood and music always helps.) Thanks for the inspiration, babes. Enjoy.

Song #1 - A rock song. I kept thinking of Chris Daughtry when I came up with this one.

Best that she could be

She wakes up gasping in the middle of the night
Wonder why she's taking fright
There's nothing there but the echo of a name
She lies awake with her eyes tight shut
Tries to tell herself it don't matter much
The world's still turning and she's not the one to blame

Every new beginning comes from an end
She takes her chances, calls hope a friend
Wonder how many will fall along the way
She cries inside but she holds her head high
Won't let nobody ever hear her sigh
Prays for the strength to get her through the day

And it hurts her more than she cares to tell
No she won't admit how much it took
Or how hard she fell
And she's screaming, how could I be so wrong
Can't believe the time she wasted
How did it take so long
For her to see
This was not the best that she could be

She looks at the world with her big brown eyes
She says, it's good to feel hurt 'cos I know I'm alive
Every new cut is another page in my story
But all the pain's driving me insane
I'm getting leached away till just the bones remain
Now here I am in all my faded glory

So will you take me as I am, and then
Maybe one day I'll rise again
Maybe one day I'll be high enough to fall
My paper heart's been ripped to shreds
Can you piece it together with a needle and thread
Can you tell me that I'm all right after all

And it hurts her more than she cares to tell
No she won't admit how much it took
Or how hard she fell
And she's screaming, how could I be so wrong
Can't believe the time she wasted
How did it take so long
For her to see
This was not the best that she could be

Song #2 - This one's a boyband pop song =P Switchfoot meets The Moffatts.

Every time you call

Now it's over but I'm having trouble really letting go
Yeah it's over but there are some things I think you ought to know
After all these years we've been together, feelings running deep
Of all the things I said, there is one promise that I'll always keep

Every time you sigh
I will be right over
Every time you cry
I will dry every tear
But every time you lie
I will run away
'Cos there are things you shouldn't say
But I will love you till my dying day

Oh-oh-oh-ooh-oooh

Now we've said goodbye but I can't seem to stay away from you
Yeah you know I've tried but I can't help it, nothing I can do
Sometimes I wish I'd close my eyes and you would disappear
But then I look at you and I know I will always be here

Every time you call
I will be at your door
Every time you fall
I'll pick you up off the floor
But if you tell me that all
You'll ever need is me
Then baby I'd say can't you see
I love you but we're never meant to be

Oh-oh-oh-ooh-ooooh
Oh-oh-oh-ooh-ooooh
Oh-oh-oh-ooh-ooooh
Oh-oh-oh-ooh

Every time you call
(I will be there baby)
Every time you fall
(It's not a maybe)
Don't you tell me that's all
That you want from me
'Cos baby I'd say can't you see
I love you but we're never meant to be

An exercise in trust

2008-10-10T02:14:00.002+08:00

From CG reading today:

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and now grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

- Isaiah 40:28-31

It's good to know that small and insignificant as I am, my God is almighty, awesome, magnificent. He is, well, God! He created the heavens and the earth, He put the stars in their place. Surely He can make my way straight. I just have to trust Him - and yes that is the difficult part. But I'm trying to, every day. One baby step at a time.

Sing The Blues

2008-10-08T23:14:00.004+08:00

I've got Switchfoot reverberating in my head. Well maybe not reverberating, just playing on a loop. The lead singer has a gorgeous voice - deep and mellow and slightly husky. Delicious. I wish I could sing like that. (Well not exactly like that - I'd scare everyone, including myself. But I wish I could sing better than I currently do.) I wake up and go to sleep with the songs in my head.

Is this the new year or just another night
Is this the new fear or just another fright
Is this a new tear or just another desperation
Is this the finger or just another fist
Is this the kingdom or just a hit and miss
I miss direction most in all this desperation
Is this what they call freedom
Is this what you call pain
Is this what they call discontented fame
It'll be a day like this one when the world caves in
When the world caves in
I'm singing this one like a broken piece of glass
For broken hearts and broken noses in the back
Is this the new year or just another desperation
You push until you're shoving
You bend until you break
Do you stand on the broken fields where your fathers lay
It'll be a day like this one when the world caves in
When the world caves in

- From Switchfoot's 'The Blues'

Sigh. I hate to admit it but... I do miss you still. A little bit. I miss you talking me to sleep every night. I miss hearing your voice on the phone... your warm velvet voice reaching out like a caress to wrap me in layers of soft slumber and tuck me in under the blankets. I miss falling asleep, sometimes with the phone still in my hand, to that last softly breathed, "Goodnight, sleep tight, I'll see you tomorrow" and knowing that you'll be there the next day waiting to enfold me in a warm hug. I miss that certainty. I miss that. Darn... I'm tearing. And I thought I was past this. Deep breath... Whooooo. I will not do this. I will NOT. I can be stronger than this, I have to be, I'm so much better than you deserve (your words), I'm okay. I don't even know if you read any of this. Or if you still think of me. I'm trying not to think of you. You've taken enough already.

Ow. Looks like I still have a long way to go.

Tea and sympathy

2008-10-06T01:01:00.003+08:00

Wheeeee!!!! So it looks like I'm getting my holiday after all. I'm going trekking! Jade Mountain in Taiwan, 3-9 November. I'm *hoping* I don't die up there - it's been absolutely eons since I was last on a mountain. Sigh. So out of shape...

Okay, maybe not that out of shape. I have been gymming fairly regularly. Did a 4 km run with Dad this morning - he ran all the way. Not bad for an old man ;) - and I don't feel it at all. (Which I shouldn't, anyway!) I've got a 10km run coming up at the end of the month, about a week before the trip, so hopefully the training for the run will help with the trek. Still, I'd probably better hit Bukit Timah Hill a couple of times first. Wish I didn't have to carry a full pack up. Sigh. Oh well, can't have it all. I'm just happy to be going somewhere. To be among nature's wonders again. Breathing the fresh air, hearing the birdsong...

I've missed trekking, so so much.

Yeah, I'm glad I'm going. Next up, Sipadan! I hope. I've just found myself two potential dive buddies - my freshie Zhiping (you'll always be my freshie, dear!) and my dear Panda friend Far. She's already got her advanced! Whooooo! So next year hopefully we'll get to do a couple of dives together.

And if all goes well I'll get in a few more trips next year too. Exciting! Now to save up...

It's been a good week. I got to meet friends nearly every day. I love you people - okay, I love my boys, but I love my girls more. Muackers everybody! It was really good seeing all of you. Let's do this again soon yeah? And thanks all for the tea and sympathy. And for agreeing (especially the guys) that men are a*******. Yeah, that really makes me feel tons better ;)

Sam: Love you much, babe. Let's go catch a movie sometime. And shop!!!!!
Jess: Babe thanks for your prayers and positivity. I don't think you know how much I appreciate the talks we've had - you're a fantastic girlfriend!
Zhiping: Thanks for cheering me up and giving me a new perspective on the situation. Let me know when you're going diving!
Far: Have a great trip, girl. Be safe. We'll meet up once you get back yeah. Really glad I have you in my life.
Saf: Take care of your hand and don't hurt yourself any more! Hope you have an awesome second trip ;)))))
Min: Happy birthday (again)! Enjoy the perfume, our dearest 'bra' =P
Pete: Thanks for listening and sympathising - it's nice to hear guys face this too. What can I say? Sometimes we can be bitches - not me, fortunately or unfortunately - still, like the song goes, take heart. Standards aren't meant to be lowered, not ever.

Time for bed. My dreams will be sweeter for knowing so many people care. Nights ;)))))

Somewhere far away from here

2008-10-03T00:17:00.002+08:00

I need a holiday. Somewhere far away from here.
I need to run away. To a place with lots of beer.
I need to lose myself. And all that has been said.
I need to get away. I need to get out of my head.
I think I'll take a dive. Down into the sea.
Or jump into the sky. Somewhere I can be free.
I'm hanging up my chains. I'm gonna lose control.
I gotta save myself. I gotta extricate my soul.
I'll take a holiday. Somewhere nobody goes.
I'm gonna run away. Just where, nobody knows.
Oh run away with me. And take me by the hand.
I'm gonna find myself. And find out who I am.

Saying goodbye

2008-10-02T02:14:00.003+08:00

So we finally said goodbye. It was a lot easier and also a lot harder than I thought it would be. Easier, because I'd almost forgotten how comfortable I am with you, and how I can tell you absolutely anything (I wish we were that honest earlier!) and harder, because now we've said it there's no turning back. The finality... I'm still coming to terms with. It'll take a while to sink in. I'm just letting it ferment now. Give me awhile, I'll be back to normal. Eventually.

I'm glad we got to spend the day together, even if it was to say goodbye. Even if all we did was eat and talk and cry bucketloads. At least I know I did mean something to you. Okay, a lot. And I kinda wish you'd realised that sooner and saved us all the heartache. But, well. These things happen. And things happen for a reason. There's a time and a season for everything, and I guess for us this just wasn't the time.

Still. Thanks for everything. We did have some amazing times, times I'll always treasure. I'm glad we parted as friends. And I'm so proud of myself for having enough self-control not to knee you in the groin. Repeatedly. (Yes, you're right, you do deserve it.) I should get a medal for that.

I'm glad I got to say all the things I wanted to say to you. Now I can stop worrying about losing my resolve and breaking down completely (okay, so we both did that the whole of today). I've had this conversation with you a thousand times over, in my head, and they always end badly, so today wasn't very bad, all things considered! And I'm glad you had a chance to tell me all that stuff too - in a way it made me feel better knowing how you really felt. Thank you for being honest, one last time.

Remember what I said to you. And remember what you said to me. I really hope you keep to it. Don't lose faith, don't stop believing. Ever. I won't.

In His love, and mine,

Mel

You are the one

2008-09-28T00:08:00.004+08:00

And I can't seem to understand
The reason why I'm hurting
Was this part of Your plan
And is it going to end?
I've been running for so long
And the sky is getting darker
I'm looking for a place
Where I can stand until it ends

The grass is greener on the other side
Where I don't belong
Sometimes it's lonely but I'll stand
Until I see Your face again

You are the one who brings the rain
That falls to wash away my pain
And in the darkness I can see
Your light of hope alive in me

And I believe You when You say
Your eye is on the sparrow
I know You're watching me
I know You set me free
From all the fear that used to hold me down
A better way I've found
It's time to heal and time to grow
Into the child You used to know

You are the one who brings the rain
That falls to wash away my pain
And in the darkness I can see
Your light of hope alive in me

- 'You are the one', Seven Day Jesus

A really, really, reeeeeally good someone

2008-09-20T23:51:00.003+08:00

I was chatting with a friend on MSN the other day and somehow my situation came up (it almost always does these days). This is his take: "You always needed someone, but you also needed a really, really, really good someone. You just allowed the former to take precedence."

I agreed with him, and on further reflection I also came up with a good reason why I always 'allowed the former to take precedence' - because no one I've met has yet lived up to my standards and expectations. And so I invariably end up 'settling' for someone, even though I tell myself I'm not. I think I'm afraid that I'll never find anyone good enough, that maybe there isn't such a person out there - I don't exactly have the highest opinion of guys. Perfect guys only exist in books and dreams. In real life, the guys I meet just don't cut it, at least not for me. I don't need, or indeed want, a perfect guy - I'd be overjoyed with just a good one. (Not even a really, really, really good one!) And I don't mean good in terms of wealth or career or social standing - anyone who really knows me also knows I don't care for these things very much! Just a nice stand-up guy who values family and God, who's a gentleman, who's honest and steady and kind. Everything else is just gravy. Is that really so hard to find?

But it seems like - and I've said this and heard this said a thousand times over - all the good ones are ancient, taken or gay. The sad truth.

I don't know. Maybe as my girlfriend says, I just need to widen my social circle. Maybe I've just been meeting all the wrong guys. (So where are the right guys hiding???) Or maybe my standards are just too high. But then if this is what happens when I lower my standards then obviously that isn't the way to go...

So what now?

I guess I keep my standards and keep looking. And waiting. And praying. And maybe someday...

Okay. No more 'settling for' anyone. It's time to raise the bar.

Fragile things

2008-09-19T00:41:00.002+08:00

I've been reading a lot lately. Well, I've had a lot to read lately. The Twilight series and lots of Neil Gaiman - I just bought myself a Books of Magic graphic novel (Oh yeah and I just discovered two magic/fantasy fans today. Yay.). And now I hear there's gonna be a sixth Hitchhiker's book next year, even though the writer of the series has expired some time past. Whoooooooo!

So I'm also reading Neil Gaiman's Fragile Things and it's so awesome I'm inspired to write my own stories. Was. Heh. The feeling sorta wore off on the way home. Musta left it on the train.

Oh well. Maybe tomorrow, then.

It is really pretty awesome though. There's a story written for the website of The Matrix, a set of stories meant to accompany a Tori Amos CD, and one discussing the problem of Susan - the one from Narnia. I always wondered about her. The story's pretty disturbing though...

And one of my personal favourites is Other People. A story about the afterlife, or one of the options anyway. I wonder if Hell really is like that? Owwwwwwww. I'll be good now! Promise.

I love the book's opening. The first line of the introduction - 'I think... that I would rather recollect a life misspent on fragile things than spent avoiding moral debt.' Hmmmmmmm. Food for thought. That certainly describes me, although I suspect I'm getting too old (physically and emotionally) for this. Someday I'll have to stop.

Maybe tomorrow.

But...

Hearts, dreams, people. What is life, after all, without these fragile things?

I have a dream

2008-09-18T00:19:00.003+08:00

Mamma Mia! What a show! Whoa I wasn't expecting that much, really, but who knew Abba would still rock me this way? I enjoyed this so much, and I loved the songs...!!!

Maybe it's 'cos I seem to be living my life in songs these days. There's always one in my head, keeping me going. Some are angry, some are boppy, some are downright joyous. But mostly they make me cry.

Lately I've been listening to Switchfoot again. Their songs always make me happy, even when the songs aren't. This is from 'I Dare You to Move'.

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

Really puts things in perspective huh? And this one I think is just beautiful. Abba's 'I Have a Dream'.

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

Beautiful.

Now where's my angel? ;)

Lessons in rejection

2008-09-14T00:27:00.003+08:00

What Melanie Means

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.

You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.

You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Hmmmmmm I guess that's pretty accurate. Though I'm not so sure about pulling it together for the important things now. *sigh* Anyway.

Spent the morning selling flags with the parents for Focus on the Family. It's appropriate, doing it as a family - wish the siblings could have joined us too. It was surprisingly fun. Maybe because this is one cause I really believe in - keeping families together. It saddens me to hear of the rising divorce rates and how parents and kids don't get along. Sometimes I feel like screaming at these people, "You have so much, how can you throw it all away? Don't you see what you're doing???"

I'd like to think if I had my own family someday, I'd just know what to do. Not make the same mistakes so many other people make. I'd be so careful to cherish and protect what I had. Now that's a big if. If I ever get that someday... we'll see.

These days I'm not entirely sure I want that anymore.

Oh, I do still want that, in itself. I'm scared of what it takes to get there though. I'm definitely not ready to go down that road again. To pour my heart and soul into a relationship, hold nothing back, give 110%. To trust, to believe, to love. And then have it all taken away, for no apparent reason. No, I definitely don't want that. I really don't know if I'll ever have the courage to try again. Right now, it hurts way too much to even contemplate. Hurts beyond believing. So. Maybe someday.

Back to selling flags. If you've ever done that, you'll know how people react to flag-sellers... it varies from the heartwarming to the downright rude. But you have to keep that smile on your face and keep at it, till your stickers run out or you're dead on your feet. Hey, it's all for charity, right? It certainly thickens your skin though.

And I guess, like in all tough situations, there are lessons to be learnt. Here's what I picked up today on how to sell flags:
1. Generally, people are too shy to just approach you. That doesn't mean they're not willing to give though. All you have to do is make the first move!
2. Patience and persistence are very important. You are going to get rejected more than a few times, but just get over it - the next person may be much nicer.
3. Always be polite, no matter how rude the other party is.
4. People respond much better to a sweet smile than to aggression.
5. Even when you get rejected, however rudely, just smile and say 'thank you'. And really mean it.

And I suppose these can be applied to relationships too. Heh. Hmmmmm, I'd say I've been pretty good at keeping to the rules (both today and in my relationships). Even the last one. That was really tough though. Looking back now, I can't believe I did it... wow. I amaze myself sometimes.

Yeah... that's what I mean by way too nice. I should take Mr W's advice and be more of a bitch. Haha. Somehow I don't think I could even if I wanted to. I'm such a bad liar anyhow.

Okay, enough. Enough enough enough. Time to snap out of this. I've spent enough time wallowing. Yeah I know, I'll say this about 10 time more before I actually do it. This is just the first of many. It's a start, at least.

And in other news... Sam's got me totally hooked now on the Twilight series. It's all about vampires and werewolves and it's surprisingly good. No, not good. Totally awesome. I just got my hands on the third and fourth books. I've already devoured the third and I'm so afraid to touch the fourth because there's no more after that. (Oh, the horror!) I just can't put the books down, once I start. And I just found out Twilight's been made into a movie! And it comes out on Christmas day!!! And guess who plays the lead vampire, Edward???? None other than Robert Pattinson, aka Cedric Diggory of Harry Potter fame. Argh!!!!!!!!! (Although in my mind Edward always looked like Jason Behr aka Max Evans from the TV series Roswell. Especially since I've seen him play a vampire before - in a bad movie, it's true - and he looked so gorgeous there. But then I guess Robert Pattinson looks loads more English, and that suits Edward...) Can't wait for the movie. I've booked Sam already. And I thought Harry Potter was good. Haha.

Off to dreamland now... and I know what I'll be dreaming of tonight. Rowr.

Die, die, die my darling

2008-09-10T01:06:00.002+08:00

I love my friends. Especially my girlfriends (no offence to the dudes, but I'm not exactly a huge fan of that particular half of the population at the moment). Amazing how you babes catch up so quickly... I guess it's good to know people are keeping tabs on me. Or something. Anyways, I'll be all right. And I WILL talk about it, eventually. Just not right now. I'm still too angry, I think. Keep me away from baseball bats, axes and choppers. And guys. Cheers!

I think things are getting a little bit clearer, day by day. Certainly can't ignore the tons of advice, and the horror stories are very comforting, in a strange way. At least I know I'm not alone. Not by a long shot... but still. Sigh. I still feel like kicking things...!!!!

Far suggested kickboxing. I might take her up on that.

Or something a bit bloodier...

These days I vacillate between super energetic, almost hyper - that's when I finish all my work too fast and comtemplate asking for more (bad idea!) or I totally kill myself at the gym and make my trainer very happy (I swear, the guy's a sadist, he laughs when I whimper in pain) - and so lifeless I'm borderline comatose.

...

Still feel like kicking things. Hard. Guess I'm in the energetic phase right now.

Listening to lots of angry music. My Chemical Romance's 'Famous Last Words' and Shinedown's 'Second Chance' in particular.

My eyes are open wide/
By the way I made it through the day/
I watch the world outside/
By the way I'm leaving out today

I'm not angry, I'm just saying/
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance...

Yeah. Oh and I really like this one:

Die, die, die my darling
Don't utter a single word
Die, die, die my darling
Shut your pretty mouth
I'll be seeing you again
I'll be seeing you, in hell

- Die, Die My Darling. Metallica

Hmmmmmm. You can see the direction my thoughts have taken. It's pretty dark, this road. And perhaps, this way madness lies.

But what the heck.

I've just devoured two awesomely thick novels Sam lent me. Twilight and New Moon. I finished each one in about four hours each, which is impressive, even by my standards. But as Sam says, don't you just love Edward? And indeed I do. I think I've just developed a major crush on a fictional character, which says something about what I think of real guys right now - especially considering Edward's a vampire. Heh. I think I'm developing a streak of dark humour somewhere there...

Moody. I'm about done with the ranting for today, though I'm still fighting the urge to kick things, hard, which would probably mean three broken toes and a concussion, knowing me, so I won't - but I'm not exactly chipper. Argh. Stupid guys.

I'm still being too bloody nice, aren't I? Dangit.

Rollercoaster ride

2008-09-06T09:34:00.002+08:00

Life's a rollercoaster, that's what they say. And I'm not enjoying the ride anymore. I'm really not in a good place right now. It's just a royal mess, and I don't know where to begin to clean it up... I'm not sure I really want to. Maybe when I've got my head screwed back on straight. Then I'll start picking up the pieces, one little shard at a time. And I'll put myself back together, and I'll hope I don't get shattered again.

This time I'll use Superglue.

I'm all ranted out, so I won't bother with venting. Not today, anyway. I'm trying hard to look for the little silver lining. And I think I'm finding it, some of it quite unexpected. I'm pleasantly surprised. Just when you lose your faith in people, someone else comes along to restore it. Maybe not quite the same way, but still.

You guys get me through it. Thank God for people like you. I didn't think I'd be smiling and laughing again so soon, but I am, thanks to you. So here's to a better tomorrow, whatever it may bring. I hope you'll still be there. Stick around... the rollercoaster's on its upward climb now, but it just might plunge again. I don't think it's over yet. It's just begun.

Playing tag

2008-04-19T00:35:00.003+08:00

I haven't blogged in ages, I know. It's not that nothing's been happening, rather, I'd say too much has been going on! Too much to blog about, anyway. I've never been exactly concise with my writing and the days are passing too quickly to spend in front of a computer when I'm not at work. Anyway, for anyone who does still read my blog, yes, I'm still alive, yes, I'm still happy and sane and everything's peachy. Work is great, if anything, better than ever, and so far the year looks set to be an awesome one. In a way I can't wait to get through it, but... nah, I'll be patient and just enjoy the ride. Lots to do! *excited*

Anyhoo, this isn't gonna be much of a post. Mr W got tagged and tagged me, so I'm posting a quickie. Because playing tag is so fun! =P

This is how it goes:
a. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
b. Tag seven people to do the same.
c. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag “whoever wants to do it”.

a. Weird stuff about Mel
1. I can't drink. I mean, seriously. I could get drunk on beer fumes (I think I actually have, a couple of times). Give me a couple of sips and I'll turn red, start giggling like a maniac and pass out on the floor. Not so fun for me but highly entertaining for everyone else, or so I've been told.
2. I am a compulsive list-maker. I can't do anything (not happily, anyway) without making a comprehensive list first. I don't leave home without my organiser, and if you ever get a chance to peek in it, you'll see that everything's ticked off on the previous days' lists. Even if I didn't do it. Heh.
3. I like my spaces neat, but I'm not so good with keeping them dust-free. If you've ever been in my room, you'll know what I mean.
4. I have no sense of direction. I mean, none. If I'm late for a meeting, it's usually because I got lost along the way (but was too embarassed to admit it). Nick's used to it by now!
5. I hate durian, prawns, bananas and almost anything that tastes strongly of egg.
6. I love word games. Scrabulous is practically the only reason I still log on to Facebook.
7. I want to retire at 55 and travel around the world (in style!), among other things. And I want to do it with one particular person.

b. Tag! You're it!
1. Farah
2. Safiyya
3. Shimin
4. Samantha
5. Lisa
6. Greg
7. Ok I give up, I don't know who'd still check my blog after such a long hibernation!

Till we meet again...

Our first Valentine's

2008-02-16T13:13:00.015+08:00

Happy V Day peeps! Hope y'all had a great one.

Nick took me out for dinner at Ma Maison on Valentine's, and gave me two presents: a 'cool' one and an 'uncool' one (his words!). Let's just say I like the uncool one sufficiently to want to wear it out, and the cool one I love so much I finished it that night and went to bed lamenting that there wasn't more ;)

Took Friday off to hit the beach with Nick - an extended V Day, since it was our first =P It was really cool to have the beach almost all to ourselves for once, since it was a weekday. Blue skies, gentle waves and loooooong stretches of glorious beach. Luxury.

We managed to snag one of the beach shelters on Siloso Beach. It was such a perfect situation for napping... I was so tempted to just fall asleep on the beach mat!

Getting drowsy at Siloso. Nick either doesn't smile or gives a really cheesy smile in photos. In the end he just gave up and did this. Heh. Why do I love this guy so much? He makes me laugh. A lot.

Anyway. Nick prodded me awake to do what we went there to do - play frisbee!!!! Lisa left me her pretty orange frisbee with the grouchy eye on it (it's on loan till she gets back, if we haven't lost it/damaged it beyond repair by then) which we've since christened 'Cyclops'. So we tossed that around for a bit - thankfully, we lack Lisa's skill with the frisbee so we managed to avoid doing any grievious hurt to each other - till another couple, Wayne and Hui Pin, asked to join in. It was pretty fun. Gotta drag more peeps to the beach one day to play frisbee. Thinking of buying a cheapo one for beach play though, 'cos sand scratches, and Cyclops is too precious and pretty to risk defacing.

Wayne and Hui Pin went off to find grub after a while, which was a good thing I think, 'cos Nick and I were getting winded! Throwing distance increases proportionally to number of people playing. Heh. We counted down a few last good throws and catches and called it a day. Playing frisbee is tiring!

Off we went to find juice, and took some pictures along the way.

Nick getting friendly with a random tree. See what I mean by cheesy grin? Well, he's smiling! The tree, on the other hand, was badly traumatised and had to be sent to the sanitorium immediately after.

Me standing on one of the 'Siloso' letters. It's such a touristy thing to do, I know, but I couldn't resist. It felt like a holiday.

We found juice, and seats. Another reason why I love this guy so much: the foot massages. Aaaaaaaaaaah. My feet aren't exactly dainty - they very definitely belong to a runner. But all Nick says is, "It takes a runner to appreciate a runner's feet." before laying on the massages. Sweeeeeeeet.

We took a quick dip and were enjoying the swim till I started getting painful pinpricks on my skin. Ow! Little sea mutants! Headed back to shore in a jiffy. We were planning to go to Cafe Del Mar for drinks after dinner, but we couldn't find nice food so back at Vivo we went. Dinner at Bakerzin: Oh mamma!

Pumpkin soup. Nice and light but still kinda buttery. I really wanna try making this someday.

Ham and bacon penne in pink sauce. I ordered this solely because I was intrigued by the pink sauce. It was pink. I have no idea what they put in the sauce, besides tomatoes, but it tasted heavenly. I absolutely loved this.

Nick's spaghetti with meatballs - the biggest you ever saw! The minced beef is quite tender and really tasty. Another winner.

Dessert? Definitely! We ordered tapas - you get a choice of 3, 5 or 7 mini desserts from a selection of 8. We had (clockwise from top left) strawberry chocolate fondue, coupe cheesecake, vanilla panna cotta. Delectable!

Hmmmmm... strawberries. This better be good.

Mmmmm-mmmm! Definitely good. Great. Excellente.

Happiness.

Sunshine and giggles. So pink.

2008-02-13T00:31:00.000+08:00

Curtains up! *giggle* And now, ladies and gentlemen, may I present... my new room!!!!!

View from the doorway. I love my rocking chair (complete with pink Mogu from Nick). Great for chilling out with a good book and a hot cuppa. Scenery's cool too - there's a big tree right outside my window, some mornings I actually wake up to birdsong!

My cupboard!

My dresser! (See anything familiar, girls? =P)

My 'jewellery boxes'! (Souvenirs from Sydney...)

My bookcase! Jam packed, but I got it nice and neat anyway.

... Aaaaaaaaaaand my bed!!!! This is the prettiest part of my room. Just looking at it makes me smile ;)

Sigh. I love my room. Such a pink dream. *bursts into rapturous giggling* Hee, I'm so giggly today. I had a great swim at the club with Dad after work, and a yummy dinner, and I got to catch a full episode of CSI and Grey's Anatomy, Mom saved me chickpeas, and Thursday is V Day!!!! Took Friday off - an extended Valentine's. Haha. Can't wait ;) Ahhhhhh... Life is good. *giggle*

Good enough to eat

2007-12-29T00:18:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!! And what a Christmas it's been. It's been really, really good. First, I'm thankful for all that I have (I have a lot to be thankful for) and all that's to come. Second, I've had a whole week off from work, which meant that I got to spend some awesome quality time with my baby. And third...

I have moved!!!!!!!!! And I HAVE A NEW ROOM!!!!! Whooooo!!!! The past couple of weeks have been insanely hectic - ordering new furniture, packing everything, bringing stuff over to the new house, unpacking everything, setting up my new room... I thought I'd never get my packing done in time 'cos by the morning of the day before the big move I'd only packed about half my stuff, but I hadn't counted on Nick's super packing abilities. He came over to help me pack at 1am, and in just 2 hours packed everything neatly in boxes and bedsheets. Incredible. There's something to be said for army training. Heh. Thanks babe!!!! Couldn't have done it without you.

I'm finally (almost) done. Just waiting for the curtains to come in (have to wait till end Jan!) but otherwise I'm all set. And all the effort's been worth it. My new room is GORGEOUS. I love it to bits! (Even without the curtains.) I'll post more pics when the curtains go up. For now, feast your eyes on the prettiest corner of my room - my bed! It's a sofa bed (incidentally, it's my birthday present from Nick - a very big and pretty present!), so I can sprawl out there and read when I'm feeling lazy (I've got a reading corner too - more on that later). I've got my two fave teddies to keep me company, Zack bear, from my bro, and Chris bear, so named because he's one of my Christmas presents from Nick. He even talks! Hee.

My beeyootiful bed. Isn't it just de-lish?

Zack bear and Chris bear enjoying my bed together. Heh.

Gotta go now. Stay tuned for more photos!

The purrrrrrfect day

2007-10-23T00:42:00.000+08:00

I'm in the sky tonight. Feeling so good. Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes! I love you guys too ;)

Ahhhhhhh!!!!! I'm 25! Officially a quarter of a century old. All grown up now! Well okay, not quite, at least not always, at least in some ways, at least to the people who know me best. Especially to one very very special, very very dear person, whom I've just spent my birthday with ;) It's been such a fantastic day! I'm so contented that I'm purring. (Something else that very dear person is familiar with.) Haha. The purrfect day indeed.

Can I just say that my boyfriend's a total sweetheart? I love you, baby. I know I say it all the time, but I don't think you mind very much =P So I'll say it again. And again. I'm so very lucky, so blessed, to have you in my life. Thank you for a wonderful birthday. Thank you for spending the day with me, for planning the surprise (even though I guessed!), for telling me how much I mean to you, for making me laugh and cry at the same time ;) And thank you for your sweet birthday present. My mom thinks you're cute. Haha. Well, she thinks the present is cute anyway =P

It's funny, I just described my perfect day to Grace M a few days ago, and - you guessed it - it was a day at the beach. I didn't know then what you were planning. Guess you know me pretty well. I loved everything - swimming with the dolphins, stroking the sharks, feeding the stingrays, lazing by the sea... you know what? I think the lazing was my favourite time =P Just being with you, talking, laughing, making plans. Just enjoying each other's company. All I need, really, for the perfect day, is you ;) Thanks for simply being there, sweetheart.

Shan't go into details - I'll let the pictures do the talking now.

Petting the dolphins... they are just gorgeous! Wish I could take one home with me ;)

A pink dolphin doing its thing during the show. The dolphins are incredibly sweet. Nick calls them swimming Elvises =P

Nick showing how sharp his teeth are. I think the sharks still win though.

I'm just happy to be at Sentosa. Very happy.

Did I mention I was happy? I think we both were. Are ;)

In His hands

2007-10-03T22:08:00.000+08:00

In His hands
Learning His ways
In His footsteps
Living each day

Though my life
Broken may be
I'm healed by His love
Woken in me

Through His might
I'll work through my pain
By His grace
I'm growing again

Help me Lord, Father,
To rest in Your hands
To trust in Your wisdom
In Your perfect plans

And help me to show
By my words and my deeds
Your power to rescue
When souls are in need

Let me not stop proclaiming
That which I love best
For safe in Your hands
Is where I find my rest

I. Am. Sooooooooooo. Blessed. I really truly am. I've felt it an awful lot this year, but especially recently. Counting my blessings...

1. I have a wonderful family that's remarkably close-knit, despite my sis being in Australia and my bro mostly in camp. I'm thankful I had the chance to take my bro out for a movie last weekend, even if it was Balls of Fury =P
2. I have an awesome group of friends who I absolutely love to bits - my girls, my boys, and my cell. Hanging out with any of them is total stress relief!
3. I have amazing colleagues who make work seem like play. The cool bit is that the line between 'colleagues' and 'friends' gets awfully blurred for me these days. I love my teams! *group hug* Even you, Nethia, you eviiiiil gurl.
4. I have incredibly exciting plans for next year to look forward to - I'm insanely impatient and head-boppingly happy half the time, which makes for amusing watching if you're a certain someone who spends a lot of time watching me =P
5. I have that certain someone to execute my plans with, to keep me sane when I'm rushed off my feet, to rub my feet after a 10km run, to buy me chrysanthemum tea when I'm hacking my lungs up, to laugh at me when I trip over things and pretend not to see when I drop other things, to nag me to sleep early when I've brought home work, to take me home when I get high on (one sip of) my lychee martini, to talk to me, pray with me, encourage me, praise me, flatter me, sayang me, cuddle me, love me to bits. Eeeeps. I really am blessed ;)

And now I have a new job. Wheeeeee!!!!!! With better hours and higher pay, in a great location near a certain someone's part-time office, working with ex-colleagues-turned friends. So much fun!

I'm really thankful. Thankful that the interview went well despite my coughing my way through it. Thankful that I got the interview at all. Thankful that I got the offer. Thankful that it came so soon 'cos I was in a state of nervous excitement whenever I actually had time to think about it. Thankful that the bonus came right before I got the offer so I didn't have anything to worry about. Thankful that everyone was so encouraging. Thankful for everything.

I was worrying about it a little last night. More than before the interview. I had a good feeling about it going in, mainly because I knew I had a whole bunch of lovely people praying for me. Not necessarily that I'd get the job, but that God would direct my path and that I would be able to trust to Him to take care of me. So I just did my best, and I knew deep down that whatever happened I would be content with the outcome (although possibly slightly more content if I got the offer). But afterwards, when I started to over-analyse things, I got a bit worried. Thanks to a certain someone who calmed me down very nicely by praying with me. Love you, sweetheart! ;) What would I do without you?

Right now, I'm just very very very very happy. There is so much to look forward to... I can't wait for December. Haha. I love making plans. Which makes it difficult to trust to His plans sometimes. Divine irony again, as you would say =P Either way, it's all good. And like you said, we've barely just begun! I'm excited. Aren't you?

Escapism

2007-09-22T14:45:00.000+08:00

Something's gonna happen, I know it
The winds of change are in the air
It's gonna rock, if I don't blow it
This could be so good if I just dare

Coming off a high from a great dinner last night. You guys kick ass!!!!!!! Hohoho... revenge is sweet. *rubs hands together in gleeful anticipation* I just wish we'd thought of this sooner. I'm so looking forward to next week.

Can I just say that I love you people? ;)

Random. Just call me Random.

2007-07-30T23:44:00.000+08:00

Lately I've been too busy to blog. I'm still busy, so I'll just post pics. Starting with these two.

At Sentosa with Greg. Fun in the sun before he flies off to HK. Take care, dear. You'll be missed.

The best dang fruit salad I've ever tasted. Fuji apples, oranges, green seedless grapes, raisins, walnuts, pinenuts and the piece de resistance... mango-flavoured NATA DE COCO!!!!!! Mmmmmm.... so so good. The grapes were very slightly sourish, which, when combined with the nuts, nicely balanced out the sweetness of the apples and nata de coco syrup. Which tasted like wine... mmmmmmmmm.

I gotta make me more of these salads.

Reasons to smile

2007-07-15T01:39:00.000+08:00

Up till Friday night, it'd been a pretty horrible week. Bullie's passing on Tuesday was the worst of it. Finding out on Wednesday that yet another colleague had resigned didn't improve my mood, and this week's submissions only added to the stress - I could barely focus as it was, and they took up wayyyy too much of my time, time that I could have been spending doing things that mattered more. I was so busy Friday that I almost missed Nick's farewell, and barely made it in time to say goodbye to Lis before she flew back to Sydney that night. It didn't help that I'd planned to come home early on Thursday night to at least have dinner with her or something, then ended up working past midnight in the office...

I was very tempted to tear my hair out at some point that night. Or scream wildly. Or both. Not that anyone would have taken any notice, given that I was all alone in the building. Until a Saint materialised behind me, laden with an offering of fruit and Yakult, to make good on his threat to 'drag me out of there'. And then he helpfully shut down my computer and pulled me bodily out the door (failed attempt to figure out how the light switches work notwithstanding).

Stuff like that reminds me that no matter how crappy things get, there are still always reasons to smile. Thanks, dear Saint. I'm smiling.

Goodbye, brown dog

2007-07-13T12:47:00.000+08:00

In loving memory
Bullie Sim
11 good years

I'll see you in heaven, boy. You will always be loved.

Kiss me Kate

2007-07-03T01:53:00.001+08:00

Got this off Saf's blog. Spell your name with these babies and see what you get. I think mine's spot-on... all of it ;)

M: makes dating fun
E: Freakin' beautiful eyes!
L: REALLY easy to fall in love with
A: Gorgeous
N: the best gf/bf you could ever ask 4
I: Loves to kiss
E: Freakin' beautiful eyes!

A: Gorgeous
B: Loves people
C: Best Smile
D: Has one of the best personalities ever
E: Freakin' beautiful eyes!
F: wild and crazy, people adore you
G: Never let people tell you what to do
H: Easy to fall in love with
I: Loves to kiss
J: Freaking Rowdy
K: Really silly
L: REALLY easy to fall in love with
M: makes dating fun
N: the best gf/bf you could ever ask 4
O: Is a freak in bed
P: Popular with all types of people
Q: A hypocrite
R: great girlfriend/boyfriend
S: Lives life for fun
T: GREAT kisser
U: gets blamed for everything
V: Not judgmental
W: Very broad minded
X: Never let people tell you what to do
Y: Loved by everybody
Z: Lives life for fun

And so it is

2007-07-03T01:15:00.000+08:00

And so it is
Something's happened
Something's changed
We're growing up and moving on
We've reached the next chapter in our story at last

And so it ends
One last look behind
To the way we used to be
Things are different now
It was never easy
To change
But we have

And so it begins
Something sweeter
Another day, another week
Another page we're writing now
One more time
One last time
A chance to say goodbye
And hello again

The holiday so far

2007-06-23T18:40:00.000+08:00

Internet access! Yessssss!

I'm at the sister's, hogging her laptop. Not that there wasn't Internet access in Brisbane, but since it was Sam's friend and her friend we were staying with, paisay to ask lah. But now it's Lis, so... heheheh.

Anyway this is just a filler for my fans (I know I have one, at least =P) and also 'cos I think I'd forget stuff if I don't blog it as I go along. Lis just said I'd probably take hours to complete my entry if I blogged when I got back, considering how long I'm taking on this. I said I'd probably take the whole day, which means I'd be too busy to blog when I got home, and then I'd never blog at all. So. On to the entry proper, then.

Because my memory's going already, this is just for today. Everything I can remember. More when I get my photos sorted out enough to jog my memory. I'm getting old. Heh.

Saturday, 23 June

We headed down to the Sydney Fish Market for breakfast this morning. Ordered the seafood platter for two, but it was quite a challenge for the three of us. Check out the platter.

Lis holding the seafood platter. Shock and awe! And this is just breakfast.

(Pardon the sideways-ness. Lis refuses to help me turn the picture the right way up. "Tell people to turn their heads." is her advice. I'll right the pictures when I get back to Singapore. In the meantime, turn your heads, people.)

It was HUGE. Loaded with battered fish, calamari, giant prawns, baby octopus, cheesy oysters and mussels topped with bacon bits, and a ton of fries. We didn't quite manage to polish off the whole thing, but I think we pretty much did justice to it. Check out the remains of our breakfast.

We had to fend off the birds. A flock of noisy seagulls eyeballed us as we ate. A couple of ibis stalked around in the background, and one tried to quietly sneak up on us. We caught it in the act though. It just looked at us and then nonchalantly turned around and walked away, like, "I was just having a stroll. I wasn't trying to steal your food, honest!"

Man, we were sooooo stuffed after breakfast. Like, all the way till dinner-time! The following exchange ensued while we were trying to settle on a place for dinner.

Me: French onion soup... I think that's all I can handle now. Anything more than that, my stomach will explode.
Lis: Right now, the thought of eating scares me.

We walk past a stall selling baked potatoes.

Me: Wow. For the first time in my life, baked potato doesn't excite me.
Lis: This is sad. I'm not even hungry. I'm still, like, burping up seafood.

We collapse into inane giggles. And head to Cole's to pick up kiwis and mandarin oranges for dinner.

****************

At Cole's. For some reason, Shrek is huge here. I don't understand what the big deal is. No puns intended =P

****************

I've dropped food everywhere. In Brisbane and Sydney, at Sam Chia's and Lisa's, in restaurants and shops and sidewalks and roads, even on the plane. I've pretty much left a trail of dropped stuff behind me.

Drop #1 - On the plane from Singapore to Brisbane:
The air stewardess is handing out drinks. She's serving the passenger across the aisle. As she fills a plastic cup with ice, one cube drops from the tongs and bounces off my tray onto the floor among our feet and bags. "Oops," she smiles at me. Sam and I smile back and I assure her that it's ok. And I really have no right kicking up any sort of fuss since not one minute later as I tuck into dinner, my butter ends up next to the ice cube, sneakily jumping off my plate when I'm not looking. Sam says, "I guess there's gonna be a lot of stuff on the floor." She says it matter-of-factly. She's used to me dropping stuff by now.

Drop #? - At Lisa's, where I'm having oranges and kiwis for dinner:
I'm writing this post at the table in the living room, Lisa's in her room around the corner. I pick up a slice of orange, start to say something to Sam who's eating beef horfun across from me (Lis is afraid we're starving her. I'm just amazed she's still hungry after all that seafood in the morning.), when "Fwaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!" My orange slice somehow leaps out of my hands onto the floor. From her room, Lisa yells, "Now what did she drop?" Lisa's really used to me dropping stuff. I grin sheepishly and take the orange slice to the kitchen sink for a quick wash, and Lisa, still from her room, yells, "Don't eat it Mel, throw it away!!!!" I mumble and grumble and dither a bit, and finally toss the sad bit of orange into the bin. It wasn't dirty. Not really.

Lis yells at me a lot. At least, she did back in Singapore. She's doing it slightly less here, but she's still suaning me, lots. She says she doesn't have enough people to suan here. Sigh. Anyway I said I'd put up with it since I haven't seen her in such a long time and I'll be gone in a few days. Deep down, I actually kinda missed it. Heh.

Out of the blue, she turns to me and says, "Mel, when people look at you on the bus and signal to you with their eyes that it's time to get off, you have to have that spark in your eyes to show you understand, okay?" She refers, I think, to us being separated on the bus earlier. I'm flabbergasted, "But but... I did. I signalled to you with my eyes that I got it. Right?" I turn to Sam for back-up, but Sam's ganging up on me with Lis, though she refuses to admit it, "Well yeah, you looked like you got it for a moment, but then you had that blank stare on your face. It's like, the lights are on but nobody's home. (pause) It's not that I'm ganging up on you." I pout. Sam looks at me... and adds, "It's like, you've got elevator music in your head." Lis, "Yeah, yeah! Elevator music!" She and Sam collapse into giggles. Dang. I pout some more.

And every time I laugh now, Lis laughs at me. Sam laughs at us. We all laugh. It's inane. But fun. Inane fun.

I didn't realise till I got here how much I missed Lisa's weird noises too. Walking around, she'll suddenly go, "Doodeedoodeedoo." I'll give her a funny look, and she'll shrug and say, "I was bored." Making weird noises runs in the family. Guess we get it from Mom.

Lis is taking care of us though. Well, sort of. Sam just asked, "Krispy Kreme, anyone?" Like the horfun she just wolfed down wasn't enough. Where does she put it???? Anyway, we all had a Krispy Kreme (we bought a dozen the other day and we're slowly eating our way through the box). Actually, we all took one and then took bites out of one another's. Share and enjoy! But afterwards, I started coughing.

Lis: Drink water, Mel!
Me: Okay, okay.

Then Sam starts coughing.

Lis: Drink water, Sam!
Sam: Okay...

But of course we don't. Sam's still watching TV and I'm still blogging. Heh.

*************

Ok, more later. Time to shower. And check how much money I've got left. I'm spending waaaaaay too much in Sydney. The shopping! The food! The shopping!!!!!!

I'm definitely having fun ;)

***************

Edit: I thought I was done blogging, but I have to add this little kicker.

I was about to shut down the laptop. I picked up a kiwi half from the bowl of cut kiwis and a spoon and started scooping up kiwi.

Me to Lis: Do I have to eat everything?
Lis: No, I'll put the kiwis in the fridge.
Me: You're just afraid I'll get kiwi juice on your laptop.

(Lis had just scolded me for getting orange pulp on the laptop screen, though I honestly have no idea how it got there.)

Lis: No, I'm not afraid of that...
Me: You say that now...

I give her a look and wave the spoon at her and before the words are even properly out of my mouth the kiwi half somehow leaps out of my grasp and tumbles merrily onto the carpet. I make a wild dive but fail to save it while Lis rolls her eyes at me.

Lis: ... That's what I was afraid of.

Sam laughs at me and I laugh at myself and even Lis cracks a smile. So everybody's happy. Heh. Hey, at least I make them laugh, right?

***********

I seem to bump my head a lot. I take it as a given by now.

Head bump #1 - In the car in Brisbane:
Sam Chia and Jen, the girls we were staying with in Brisbane, had rented a car to ferry us all around. It was a cute yellow two-door. Pretty, but treacherous. I found that out the first time I rode in it. I somehow cracked my skull a good one as I got in the back. "Ow!" I yell. I rub my head as Sam gets in after me. She's laughing.

Head bump #? - This morning, at Lisa's:
I was putting the milk back in the fridge after breakfast, when I somehow managed to whack my head backing out of the fridge. "Ow!!" I yell. Lis, at the kitchen sink, turns to me with a huge scowl on her face. Very fiercely she hisses, "Shhhhh!!!!!" Whimpering and sniffling and clutching my head in pain, I stumble to the bed to sit down. Sam's in the room. She looks at me and tsktsks a bit. And laughs at me.

Oh and I stub my toes too.

Like this morning. Right after I bumped my head in the fridge. Packing my bag for the day's activities, my right foot decides to force an introduction with the bedpost. It's brief, but painful. "Ow!!!" I yell, then hop around a bit in a fit of uncontrollable giggles. Lis says, "You know, most people just say 'ow', but you have to say 'ow' and then laugh." I say, "Hey, considering how often I do this, it's a good thing I laugh about it!"

It's time to go

2007-06-17T16:47:00.000+08:00

Life has been soooooooo busy these past few weeks. Especially the last two. Especially last week! Work was insane, and I'm not just talking about the workload and deadlines. So much going down in the office. Sometimes I just have to distance myself from it all. Trying not to let it get to me, but it is kinda depressing when your buddies start leaving one by one. Now it's down to the last few soldiers, bravely trying to field the hail of bullets. Not many have come my way yet, for which I'm profoundly grateful to the Big Guy Above, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my lucky streak continues. It's no secret that I'm pretty much in love with all the people I've worked with so far (I mean that in a completely non-creepy, friendly, platonic kinda way) and I'd like to keep things flowers-and-rainbows, thank you very much. Maybe I'm just nice enough that people are nice back. Maybe I'm lucky. And maybe there's something to be said about obliviousness after all ;)

Well, whatever it is, I'm still hanging on. If this is a sinking ship (and I'm praying hard that it's not) then I guess I'm going down with it. With a smile on my face. I'd die fighting, but I'd die happy.

For now, at least. I think I'll need to factor in other things and other people eventually. But that's a story for later.

Right now I've got more important things to deal with. Like packing for Australia. Given that I've gotta be at the airport at about 7.30 and it's 5 now and I haven't so much as packed a toothbrush, I think it's gonna be a rush job. A mad rush. So what's new? =P

I can't wait to get to Australia! So much to do, so much to see. People to hug, and talk to, and shop with ;) I miss the sis, glad I'm gonna get to see her soon. And honestly, I so need this holiday. Before I go completely off my rocker, or lose all my hair, or start spewing blood. Been coughing my lungs up lately (no thanks to the late nights in the office) and I just need to stop working, get some sleep, and go shopping. (You can tell why I'm so hyped up about this trip can't you?)

I'll miss *ahem* certain people in sunny Singapore though. That in itself is exciting ;) Oh positivity! Life's always good when you look on the bright side.

Well, I'm off. Be good, you all. I'll try to smuggle back a joey or two.

Sing out loud, sing out long

2007-05-31T23:41:00.000+08:00

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee! Great week so far. Started off with meeting up with my freshie Zhiping for dinner on Monday. Okay, so he's way past being just my freshie, but every time I see him I never fail to 'suan' him by reminding him of that fact. On Monday night we were reminiscing about Rovers and sighing about how much we missed being in the committee and I was like, hey, you owe it all to me - I told you you would never regret joining the comm! Haha. Yeah. Those were awesome times man.

We decided we'd try to revive our roving spirit just a little bit more - I'm meeting him again at the end of the month and hopefully we'll be able to set up some concrete plans for a trek soon after. I miss trekking SO MUCH. Just being out there... on a mountain somewhere where there are no toilets, no restaurants, no air-con or electricity and your handphones don't work and oh yeah have I mentioned the mosquitoes and leeches and (Zhiping just scared me with this) deadly sea snakes?

But I love it. Absolutely. Bathing in icy-cold rivers, sleeping in a leaky tent on rocky ground, hauling yourself up a steep incline with a huge pack on your back. Challenging yourself, pushing yourself to give just that little bit more when you think you're completely exhausted, and finding that you can make it after all. Bring it on!!!!! The more I do it, the more addicted I am to it. No matter how busy I get or how long it's been since the last one, I just can't escape the call. It's been way too long. I gotta go. Soon.

Anyway. As Zhiping and I were talking about old times, who should happen upon us but my dear ACJC mate Mao Jie, who also happens to be a Rovers boy and another one of my freshies. Haha. I was looking at them and thinking, Way cool!!!!!! Both these boys were once my freshies and look at them now... all grown up and still roving! *tear*

Heh. Anyway Mao had just ended his exams and had a month of freedom before he started work. He was so excited about doing a grad trip. Well we started talking about Hawaii and after a few minutes he was like, All right! Hawaii it is! I can't wait to go and see the Jap girls do the Hawaiian dance (this is where he made the Hawaiian dance moves with his hands) in their grass skirts...

Argh! I wanna go to Hawaii too! *envy* Mao's gonna be there for 2 weeks and he's diving too!!!!!! *envyenvyenvyenvyenvy* Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! Need to dive need to dive need to dive. Somewhere besides Pulau Aur. I need to get a good dive camera, and my torch fixed so I can do the night dives too, and then I'm so going diving. Anyone wanna come with? =P

Anyway. Let's see, what else has happened this week? Went running on Tuesday night. About 8 km I guess, in an hour. Need to be faster, need to do longer distances. On the upside, it's only like the fourth time I've run all the way to the Sea Sports Club from our usual start point, and maybe the second time I've run beyond it, and I think the first time I've run so far beyond the end of the road. So hey, that's something. I'll add a bit more distance first, then start working on speed. Love running! Gotta get me new shoes though, my current pair is starting to fall apart. Heh.

Wednesday night - Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End! Soooooooooooo good. Close on 3 hours of unabated action, coolness and laughs. Don't you just love witty Jack Sparrow? He's the awesomeness.

Thursday - KTV-ing with the cell (well, half the cell, since only six of us made it, plus a special guest =P) at Party World. Found out today that Mandarin songs are actually quite fun to sing along to. Some of them, anyway. And Jess can really sing. I hope that girl gets talent scouted or something. I would vote for her ;)

Some nice duets going on today. And all the boyband songs!!!!!! Hahahahaha. Sorta fun, in an ultra-cheesy kinda way. We all had fun lah, and that's what counts, right?

Dinner at Komala's at ECP to celebrate the promos. Mmmmmmm. I do love my chappati. And lassi. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

It's been a great week so far. And it's only Thursday! And I've got exciting plans for the rest of the week. Well... we'll see how things turn out, anyway. Hey, the company's gonna be good, and that's more than enough to make things exciting ;)

Phew! Been so happy lately. Wonder how long it'll last. Haha. Let's not jinx it. I'll just enjoy it while I can, and then we'll deal with whatever comes next, when it actually happens. For now, I'm just gonna keep smiling. Life is good.

Sunshine and rainbows

2007-05-28T01:17:00.000+08:00

Night cycling last night. Whoohoo!!! It was great. Kinda brought back memories of uni days... I missed organising stuff like that. So glad that everything went pretty smoothly - even though we lost both keys to the bike chains even before we really got started! Haha. But the weather was great throughout, traffic was just fine, the pace was steady and no one got hurt. Not that I was expecting anyone to, given the safe route we had planned. Still, we had three first-aid kits among the 13 of us. Call it kiasu or kiasee, I just feel safer having my kit with me. Guiding has taught me well. At least it's fully stocked up now, so maybe I should be planning a trek next, or more diving =P

First stop: Food Village. Where we lost the keys to the bike chains.

MV and NJ, CK and ES...

... and the Nike gang, BH and DL, MS and NT.

Couples that play together, stay together...? We could be an ad for SDU.

The girls sitting pretty...

... while the guys try to make their escape (from???) a la Prison Break.

Group shot taken by a random stranger to get us out of the way =P

Definitely more activities lined up. Work hard, play harder. It's the only way to go. Work can get pretty crazy these days, and I need a release. Planning and organising and doing fun stuff like night cycling is a good one. Plus, it's a great way to stay in touch with the wonderful people who are no longer my colleagues but my friends... I'm thankful. For friends, family and God's blessings in my life and in the lives of those I love. Right now, there's so much to be thankful for, and I'm pretty sure I'll be counting more blessings in the days ahead.

I'm still riding high. Not coming down just yet ;)

Crazy Times

2007-05-24T18:05:00.000+08:00

You know I'm seriously stressed out at work when I have a minor panic attack 'cos I can't find my red pen, and after five minutes of frantic scrabbling at the piles of proofs on my desk I give up and grab a new red pen, only to find that I'd been sitting on the lost pen the whole time. Meh. Now how'd that get down there?

Not that I'm complaining. I'm still loving most moments. Even the panic attacks. At least they're comic relief. And there's an awful lot of those these days =P My team is TEH AWESOMENESS LAH. Hahaha. Even Bio wasn't this much fun, and I thought that was way cool.

Oh hahahaha. Shawn just looked over with a cute little-boy pout. Sarah and I burst out laughing. I asked him why he was pouting and he said, "Miserable." But it can't be that bad, he was bouncing.

Yay! We're done! Off for dinner now. Finally. And I have spare muffins. Freeeeeeeeeo! I love my life.

Apple walnut muffins. Made with lots of love, laughter and finger-licking. Yummy!

Hey you, get up here

2007-05-21T02:00:00.000+08:00

You said it. Life is good. Life is awesome. I'm loving every moment. And I can't wait either ;)

So... we'll see.

The bliss continues

2007-05-16T00:17:00.000+08:00

... And life just got even better. Wheeeeee!

I'm glad it finally happened. If I had had to wait much longer, I might have decided not to wait at all. So I guess I'm staying ;) Like I wanted to. Now I've got one good reason.

Wait, make that two =P I'm still constantly surprised... but pleasantly. It's a good feeling.

Blissed out

2007-05-14T12:27:00.000+08:00

Life has been really really really good lately.

I'm happy. Extremely.

It's in your eyes

2007-05-12T11:11:00.000+08:00

Your eyes say you're Naturally Stunning

Fresh and laid-back, you take the same approach to your makeup as you do to life: Easy does it. We'd guess you're a no-muss, no-fuss kind of gal who doesn't like to spend too much time in front of the mirror. But that doesn't mean you still don't love to look great. You just do it in your own effortless way.

Truth be told, it's your grounded nature and straightforward sensibilities that make you so attractive. When someone looks you in the eyes, they immediately sense your integrity and down-to-earth spirit. And what could be more beautiful than that?

What Do Your Eyes Reveal?

Brought to you by Tickle

Starry-eyed surprise

2007-05-10T01:38:00.000+08:00

Life has a way of surprising you in the strangest fashion. Nothing's ever certain.

I feel like fireworks unexpectedly exploded right in front of me. I'm thrilled and a little scared and wide-eyed and breathless with anticipation of what comes next. I'm fascinated.

My emotions are going into overdrive. Running high on caffeine and hormones. Heh. I'm getting dizzy. But I'm not stopping just yet. Whatever happens, right now, this is just too good to let go of.

Moving On Up

2007-05-06T18:16:00.000+08:00

It's finally over. Screw you, Lionel.

Enough is enough. I've given you way more chances than you deserve, and all you do is break my heart again and again and again. I have absolutely no idea what you're playing at, but I'm not playing this stupid game with you anymore. You could have at least had the decency to end this on a semi-sweet note. Well, whatever. I don't care anymore.

Your photos are gone. Just like you. Goodbye.

******************************************************

Okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, now that that's out of the way, let's have a happy post! I did say I'd post soon. Happy things, now. This has been an incredibly eventful week.

First, I'm officially dating again. More than one guy right now, and open to more ;) 'cos I really don't want to rush into the next one. My mom just gave me a pep talk on 'taking it slow'. Funny, I thought she wanted me to find someone else. Apparently, she does - she just agreed with me that Lionel's 'the biggest ass in history' - but also wants me to take my time about it.

I am. I think. Well, I intend to? Let's just say I'm having loads of fun so far =P

One of the guys I don't need to identify, since by now it's pretty much an open secret anyway. Okay, so we're not too good at keeping things under the table =P Well, here's to getting to know each other. I hope neither of us runs away screaming ;) Cheers!

Back to this week.

Monday: Mel V's farewell, including dinner at Billy Bomber's at Central at Clarke Quay (where I ran into Rey and finally was intro'd to his gf Jasmine!) followed by a brief visit to MOS. Didn't really dance that much, but boy, Is sure can dance. You go, Is! You got da moves!!!!! I'm impressed. Supper at Lau Pa Sat with Mel V, Is and Nick. It's great hanging out with you guys - let's do it again!

Tuesday: Cycling at ECP in the afternoon and dinner at Mark's. A couple of fun games (I learn more about my colleagues every day. They're weird - and I like them that way.), cocktails and pizza. Got to pat Mark's schnauzer Gatsby, although I'm not entirely sure the little guy enjoyed it. He just stood there looking at us almost the whole time. Finally got him to sit, and then he looked a little happier. Thanks for putting up the slideshow, Mark! Haha... ah memories. Supper at some roti prata place with Mel V, Is and Nick. This is getting to be a habit =P

Wednesday: Dinner and shopping with Greg. Got all the stuff I needed for my D and D costume, including the kimono, courtesy of Alanna. Thanks! Too tired to make the katana when I got home so I left it for...

Thursday: Watched a play at the Drama Centre at the National Library: Memory - Human Remains, with Nick, Is, Grace Koh, Jasmine, Shasha and Shasha's fiance. The play was pretty depressing. Ugh. Need to watch something happier next time. Is sent me home as usual. I'm getting really used to sitting in the passenger seat of his car, and he's already memorised the route to my place and Mel V's! Heh. Stayed up to make my katana. I love it - it's so... black.

Friday: Early release from work at 1pm, went home for a nap which turned out to be much longer than I'd intended, woke up close to 7pm and had to rush to get ready for D and D. Got there at about 8 but apparently I didn't miss much. The rest of the evening was pretty fun though. Kudos to the RC team - well done, guys! I'll post pics when I get them. I seem to have gone on a rampage of some sort with my pretty katana - to quote my character O-ren Iishi: "I collect your fucking head!!!!!"

Saturday: Lunch with Lin, Mel V and Nick in Little India. (Nick, Mel V and Is are my new fun-time buddies!) Good to see Lin again. She's looking really well. Lunch was mostly a gossip session, accompanied by great food from the Indian restaurant Mustard. Yum. I love my naan and lassi. Dinner with Boon Hwee, Dave, Yuli and Nick at Swensen's in Orchard. Happy birthday Yuli! ;) I'd wanted to catch Spiderman 3 but couldn't get tickets earlier. As luck would have it, there was a spare ticket for the movie after dinner so I got to watch it after all. Cool! It's not bad, but it's not great either. Love Spidey's black suit though.

Sunday: Church service, BBK class, nap at home, dinner with Rey at Clarke Quay in half an hour, so I gotta run. Cheers! =P

I hope every week is this good.

Now THIS is me ;)

2007-05-03T12:46:00.000+08:00

Your Inner Gender is Male

You are rational, matter of fact, and quite dominant.
You like to get things done, without any emotional messiness.
You truly don't understand most women. And you definitely feel more comfortable around men.
No doubt about it. You're a guy - at least on the inside.

What's Your Inner Gender?

Woot! Explains why I'm so much more comfortable with guys than with girls. Except for the HPC. Hahaha. I do love my guys.

Even if you cannot hear my voice

2007-04-29T21:52:00.000+08:00

Well, Lionel's exams are over. Talked to him this morning, asked him to take the next few days to think things over and call me on Saturday evening. I'm a little scared to talk to him again... I'm expecting the worst, I guess. But a part of me is still hoping. Well. I don't know if I should still be, honestly... it hurts to hope. It hurts to think I might never hold him again, never laugh with him, never have his scent on me. We might never take his sis out for ice cream together, never quietly gaze out from the top floor of a point block, arms around each other. I might never have his babies... never grow old with him. It hurts, all of it. So much.

Sigh.

I keep thinking I'm getting over him... I'm leaving it behind and he can't hurt me anymore. But then something will happen that reminds me of him, of us. A smell, a picture, a place, a song. Something that just evokes so many memories, and sends me spinning off into a hopeless void of aching. Like today. I was shopping at The Heeren, and a song started playing in the shop I was in. It was Snow Patrol's Run.

I'll sing it one last time for you
And then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

At first I couldn't help but smile and sing along - it's a great song, I love it so much - but it made me think of all the times I ever heard that song with Lionel. And the times he sang it for me. And the last time I heard it, when we were still together.

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Inside, my heart just cried 'Lionel' and by the end of the song, I was almost in tears.

Have heart, my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I wonder how long it'll be till I can think of him or say his name without feeling like my heart is breaking into a million little pieces. I suspect it'll be a long long time. I know... I'll heal... eventually. But it'll take time, lots of it. And patience, and prayer. And Hope.

Would it be right to wish it were easy to move on from this? 'Cos it's so frickin' hard. I guess the fact that it's affected me so deeply shows just how much I cared. And I wonder if it even affected him at all. What do you do when you love someone so much but he acts like he doesn't even give a damn?

Reminds me of another favourite song. Chris Martin got it right when he sang this:

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can sleep
Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try
To fix you

High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try
To fix you

I am trying. Because I need to know. Even if the truth is brutal, I need to know. How much am I worth to him? How much were we worth?

I think trying to fix him, or hoping to or even wanting to, might just be too naive on my part. First, because nobody is changed till they want to be, and second, because right now I need some fixing myself.

Feels like I'm standing at the edge of a huge chasm, and I'm just starting to build a bridge over to the other side. So afraid I'll fall. But I'll keep building, though it's hard work, and the other side seems so very far away. And who knows what lies on the other side? *shrug* I just want to get there.

Maybe by then, I'll have healed. Maybe I'll be ready to give my heart again someday. Right now, I don't think I have much heart left to give.

My May Days

2007-04-29T01:30:00.000+08:00

So exhausted. Had lotsa fun wakeboarding (or trying to) today - still learning to stand, haha. It's really not that easy! But it looks so frickin' cool. Can't wait to try again. Maybe in May - my account book looks quite terrifying at the moment.

Had a good Bible Study, though I was a few minutes late. Aiyah. So paiseh. Shall be there extra extra early next time hehe. BS is getting more and more comfortable and enjoyable, maybe 'cos the faces are becoming familiar! It's getting much easier to share there, praise the Lord! I'm loving it.

Full day tomorrow - have lots of stuff to shop for after church. If I'm not too tired I'll try to put together a little surprise of my own tomorrow night... but I have a feeling I'll have to postpone it. Seriously shacked out now.

I was just glancing through my organiser, looks like I'm booked up for the next couple of weeks at least. Next week there's Mel's farewell, May Day plans, a play at the Drama Centre, the company Dinner and Dance, Seth's birthday celebration, lunch with Lin on Sat and dinner with Rey on Sun. Hmmmmmmm. Looks like a lot of stuff with colleagues and ex-colleagues! Haha. The following week there's the Tuesday prayer meeting, CG at my place, Bible Study on Sat, and Phantom of the Opera with the CG girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So that week I'll be spending lots of time among Christian friends ;) After that there's Farah's birthday, followed by Sam's birthday, so that means a meet-up with the HPC and possibly an outing with the CG. Entz Nite! Let's go karaoke. Or something. Lots of good movies coming out. It seems it's the month for trilogies - Spiderman 3, Pirates of the Caribbean 3, Shrek 3. Who wants to catch them with me? ;) Oh and Wild Hogs too! Heheheh. May looks like a great month.

Fun-tastic Friday

2007-04-28T01:19:00.000+08:00

It's been a long and exhausting week so far, but I made it to the weekend! Phew! Now I can kick back and relax... I'm so looking forward to the next couple of days. Today was a great start.

Played soccer with the guys during lunch. Since it was Mel's last chance to play (as an MCIS staff at least), she decided to give it a shot, and Boon Hwee and I joined in too. Boon Hwee on one team and Mel and I on the other. End result: 2-0 with our team winning. Mel scored one of the 2 goals. Go girl!

The winners. Rah rah rah!!!

Maybe I'll join in again sometime. Was definitely more fun than a lunchtime run! And not really as tiring as I expected. Felt good at the end of the match... although maybe the bottle of 100-plus I was chugging had something to do with it, haha.

The workweek ended with a great Friday Faze - 'Who has the ...?' and Twister. Cameras flashed and some very compromising positions were forever immortalised today, but hey, as long as everyone had fun, right? And I'm sure we all did. Kudos to the organisers, FF rocks! So glad it's back. I want more...

CG at Dan's. Got there early so I ended up watching some Korean drama on TV, and arguing with Dan over which character was prettiest. Haha. I guess attractiveness comes in many forms. I think I have good taste though, in both guys and girls!

Had a lot of fun as usual at cell. Mark and Louisa joined us today - hope you enjoyed it too, guys! Later, we went for dessert at Holland V. The 'original' cell sans Jason, who looked really really really sleepy. If I get the pics from Sam, I'll post them, though I'm not optimistic about getting hold of those pics considering our track record when it comes to Sam passing me photos! Let's just say that the desserts were delectable... yum yum yum!!!!!

We ordered 4 desserts between the 6 of us: the muddy mudpie which was absolutely humongous and came with its very own 'cesspool' of chocolatey sin, the solid, minty-fresh Oreo cheesecake, the light-n-fruity and very very chio mango cake, and the king - the mouth-watering Vienna chocolate cake which oozed thick melted chocolate between layers of chocolate-frosted spongey chocolate cake. Mmmmmmmmmmmm... desserts to make you dream. Top it all off with a mochaccino and chocolate chip cookie, and it's no wonder I'm still awake at 3.15am. Which is a good thing, and what I was aiming for really, given that there's Bible Study tomorrow and I'm not done preparing for it as I've been busy all week, and I'm wakeboarding in the afternoon before BS wheeeeeeeeeee!!! So I gotta stay up for awhile. But I'll gratefully hit the sack as soon as I can, 'cos I'm sooooooooooo tired. Prob do half now and the rest in the morning... Can't tahan liao. Like I said, long week so far. I badly need a break. And I'm going to get it.

Weekend, whooooooooooooooo!!!!!

This is who I am. Right.

2007-04-27T00:35:00.000+08:00

http://www.myheritage.com

So I guess for the D & D I'll be dressed up as a Japanese or Korean actress or pop star...

M is for Me

2007-04-27T00:23:00.000+08:00

What Melanie Means

M is for Mushy

E is for Enlightened

L is for Lucky

A is for Amazing

N is for Neat

I is for Important

E is for Emotional

What Does Your Name Mean?

Haha all of it's quite true! Especially the mushy part =P I just haven't had a chance to show it much lately.

Shall we dance?

2007-04-26T10:51:00.000+08:00

Listening to my iTunes. I have itchy feet - I sooooo wanna dance. Can't wait for Monday ;) Badadadum!!!!!

Love in new wave

2007-04-26T09:31:00.000+08:00

Wheeeeeeeeeeee!!!! I'm happy today. Woke up and remembered something that happened yesterday. After dinner at NYDC, this young, trendy-looking waitress asked me while handing me the bill if my hair were natural. I told her it had been coloured but the colour was fading fast, and she shook her head and said no, she meant were my curls natural. I proudly told her yes. Haha. Too bad, girl, I can't recommend a hairstylist if you want my waves - like Peiyu said, my mummy did them for me! That was a nice encounter, given that the waitress had really nice (but ultra-straight) hair herself. I do love my hair. It's so easy to manage. I don't even have to comb it at night now - it's messily gorgeous! Love love love. Haha. I'm happy =P

Wake me up

2007-04-26T01:56:00.000+08:00

Switchfoot's new video 'Awakening'. Yowza!