Doubt your doubts

In the scheme of things when you think about it
Far and away is the best view of it
You just can't hide your heart away from it
So swallow your foolish pride
Let the clouds get in your eyes
- Clouds

Oh, gloom. Even Elmo doesn't make me happy.

Been feeling a little down lately. It's kinda like my heart is a little numbed. Maybe it's work. I'm working so hard I have no time to feel anymore. Maybe I'm just tired. There's been a lot going on the past couple of weeks. Maybe too much to absorb?

I don't know. So much has been weighing on my mind. In Sunday service, I just had this feeling... that maybe I should do something. But what?

I hate it when things happen like this. You think you know your world, that some things will never change, right? Well, of course not, DUH. Change happens, and you can't stop it. The question is, am I the change?

Sometimes I think I'm such a pessimist now. So different from the way I used to be, all sugar and sunshine and sweetness and light. But then, I've still got an unquenchable little streak of positivity in me. B+, remember? I'll always be an idealist. Maybe the real change is, I grew up. I gained perspective, I hope, a little wisdom. I know, long ways to go. But still.

Do I really know better now?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

I'm not sure where this is going, really. Just a pointless introspective ramble. I kinda miss that. I used to do it all the time. When did I stop?

It's so messed up. I know I'm right. But I wish I knew how to do this. Is it wrong to feel this way? Oh well.

*Sense of impending loss*

More Elmo then.