I am a French bitch

Was watching Coupling yesterday. One of my fave shows. Didn't catch all the shows previously (downloaded from various sources =P) so I try to watch on Sundays when I'm free, which actually doesn't happen too often. Steve was hilarious! When he got super carried away and said that line about women sprouting extra feet at night and galloping the streets shouting "Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"... hooboy, that was classic. I think Steve's my favourite character. He's just got such a serious face and he says his lines in such a deadpan manner. Rocks.

There was this bit later on where Sally and Jane were pretending to be French... "I am Giselle. *whiplash* I am a French Bitch."... I totally loved that. Corny, yes, but you gotta love them anyway. My sis says it's a crap show with no values but what does she know? She watches Arrested Development and Family Guy and Extras and actually thinks they're good. Ha! Okay, so I know Greg likes those shows too (you people have such weird taste) but whatever, not my thing. Different, shall we say, plane of humour. Anyhoo.

That phrase stuck in my mind, about being a French bitch. Wouldn't it be great to be a bitch? For like, a day maybe, and just be bitchy. Like Jane's crazy evil twin. Heh. I'm just so super super super super super stressed out right now with everything that's going on, and on top of all that I have to deal with... bitchy people. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Hey, you know, it's hard work being nice all the time. You turn the other cheek and people just throw **** in your face. That's not the way it's supposed to work! Why do nice guys have to finish last? It isn't fair. Why can't people at least be civil?

I'm... so... sick... of people treating me like crap. Like I don't have feelings, like I don't count, like I'm not there. I mean, what have I ever done to you, that you have this personal vendetta against me? It's so messed up. I mean, ****.

*Deep breath Mel, deep breath* Honestly, as if my life isn't complicated enough. I feel like Meredith Grey. My home life's complicated, my love life's complicated, my friends' lives are complicated, and then I've got a bitchy third party who's always hovering around. I mean... seriously! Leave me alone already.

I think today I almost snapped. Enough is enough. Being nice means people take advantage of you, okay, I give them the benefit of the doubt, I'm okay with being a nice fool sometimes. But there are some things a girl just won't stand for. I do have self-respect, you know. If I say something I mean it. I'm not kidding around so don't just pretend you didn't hear me, or act like it doesn't matter. Because it DOES. I don't like being lied to, especially by the people I trust, the people who, above everyone else, aren't supposed to lie to you. Is nothing sacrosanct in this world anymore? Can everything that you ever believed in, everything you held dear, be torn down just like that, in one breath, one devastating, gut-wrenching, soul-twisting, faith-destroying moment?

Oh dear, I seem to have gone off on a tangent. There really is a lot going on in my head right now. Been wrestling with most of it for awhile... it's just so complicated. Who can I talk to? The ones I trust most have problems of their own at the moment. And sometimes I don't know who I can trust anymore.

I'm feeling kinda lost.

At least I took a stand today. It was hard, but I did it. I'm nice, but there's only so far I can be pushed. I'm not a friggin doormat! It was hard enough forgiving, and believe me, when I say hard, it really means something. Insulting me is one thing, but disrespecting my relationship with my boyfriend is way over the limit. We've fought long and hard for us, we're still fighting. I'm not gonna let anything hurt us.

Sometimes though, I wish you'd take a stand too. Yes I love that you're a nice guy, but do you HAVE to be so nice all the time, to everyone? I mean, you're my boyfriend. If you don't stand up for me, who will? I'm not saying I need you to defend me, I think women should know how to take care of themselves... but a little support would be nice. Back-up, yeah?

Sigh. Back to being nice, I guess. I just don't want people to walk all over me. I'll always err on the side of niceness, but don't take me for granted, okay? Nice doesn't mean I don't hurt, too.