To sleep among the stars

In a melancholic mood tonight. Don't know why, I guess I'm just tired from gym (but keyed up so I can't sleep!). Heh. My body pulls weird things on me these days. Anyhoo, I felt like writing. I had a whole piece in my head but I started blogging and realised I couldn't be bothered after all (it was gonna be a pretty long post - maybe next time), so here's a quickie instead. Emoting always makes me feel better =P

I'll sleep among the stars tonight
Wrap myself in velvet sky
Give myself to gentle slumber
As the breeze sighs a lullaby

The moon will watch me as I rest
And wash me in her gentle glow
Till memory fades and I forget
The cares and fears of long ago

A night of calm, ere the day is done
Hours of toil and mortal's schemes
Oh blessed night! That beckons me come
And lose myself in sweetest dreams

I'll drift away into the clouds
And let the darkness hide my face
I'll sleep among the stars tonight
And pray I wake in a better place

It's not easy... to be me

Wow it's been a long long long time since I've last blogged. Was waiting for something big to blog about but as I'm still waiting for the dive pics... =P I decided, screw it, I'll just write anyway.

I walked home today with an old friend of mine, Mui Sin. It was, shall we say, an eye-opening experience (*chuckles darkly to self at private joke*). I was feeling a little down in the dumps earlier in the day, but Mui Sin reminded me, just by being himself, that I have so much to be thankful for. I should be counting my blessings instead of grousing about what I don't have. I was chastened, enlightened, ilumined (ok, I made that last word up). And once again, completely wowed by God's presence in my life.

Every single time I start feeling bad and start complaining, God sends a little reminder my way: Hey Mel, open your eyes! Are you listening to yourself? Look around, see how I have provided for you all your life! See how much I have given you. So many others don't have even a fraction of what you have - your health, your job, your home, your family, your friends, your colleagues, your education, your opportunities, your outlook on life. How can you doubt me even for one moment?

You're right, God. As usual. You haven't failed me yet - ever - and I know You're not going to. Just because I don't have it now, just because I can't see it, doesn't mean I'll never have it or that it'll never happen. It just hasn't happened - yet. Like the AC motto: The best is yet to be!

Ah, I'm just a complaining bitch. Sometimes I need to be reminded of His goodness. And it's not easy staying the course. Y'know, I was saying to God: "Hey, what's with all the pain and persecution? I didn't sign up for this!" And God said: "Oh yes you did." And guess what? He's right (as usual!). I signed up for this - all of this, the good times and the bad times when the world seems against me - when I became a Christian. I willingly chose a life of hardship for His sake, and I willingly (ok, sometimes reluctantly) choose it again every single moment of every single day, when I stick to His standards, refuse to compromise, not take the easy way out.

Why? Because I love Him. Because I know that it's the right thing to do. Because something deep inside of me just won't allow me to leave. I can't leave. Not now. Please God, not ever.

So thank you God, for that subtle knock on the head today. I really needed that. I'll try to remember to count my many blessings the next time I feel like bitching. (*sigh* Won't be easy though.) Amen!