Bikini girl sez hi!

Second time at PLMC today (okay technically third, but the first was so long ago it doesn't count). The more I go the more I like it. Yes I've only gone twice (or thrice if you wanna be nit-picky) but, you know, I think this is a church I could really settle down in.

Although right after service something happened that made me wonder if I should... well anyway that's a story for another time. Maybe. Complications complications... hahaha.

Anyway. Gave blood today, I'm exhausted now. I wanted to take photos of the blood bag and stuff. I brought my big ol' digicam to church, I watched the blood pumping out of my vein, I got the nurse to take a photo... and then I realise my cam has low batt!!!!! Argh!!!!!

Sigh. So much for putting my blood in print. Heehee... nevermind. Some other time I guess.

This week's gonna be really busy. Besides probably putting in extra hours at work to make up for my day's MC last week, there's housework to be done tomorrow (well I WAS gonna do it today but my right arm is sore. They only had right-handed blood donor chairs available.), guitar on Tuesday, cell group on Wednesday (and that's after the office party thingy after work. Office party??? So strange.), more housework on Thursday plus packing for the weekend, and the dive trip over the weekend whee!!!!!

Can't wait for diving. Except that I'm still fat. How?????? More running I guess. Ran on Wednesday and Saturday morning... so far so good. At the very least I'm getting myself back in shape, though it's a long slow process and it's early days yet. But still.

Time for bed now... need my beauty sleep. From what I've heard so far, there'll be some hot chicks this weekend (hey guys, wanna join in now? Think there's still space for a couple more. ). Sigh. It's not that I don't enjoy looking at beautiful girls, 'cos I do. It's just that they're really bad for my ego sometimes. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! I think I'm getting old.

Sunshine after all

You should see the canals are freezing
You should see me high
You should just be here
Be with me here
It doesn't seem there's hope for me
I let you down
But I won't give in now
Not for any amount

Don't it feel like sunshine after all
The world we love, forever gone
We're only just as happy
As everyone else seems to think we are


I love Jimmy Eat World's Futures. The World You Love is one of my fave songs on the album... I guess cos it's a break up song and I'm in the mood for those right now. I suppose it's ironic that Greg burned all these great songs for me, and I listened for awhile and then forgot about them till now. Then suddenly, it's like, hey, these are great songs! Why didn't I get that before? I mean, these are just gorgeous, melancholic, super-addictive tunes.

Maybe I'm just sad.

I dunno, I'm up and down all the time. Crazy mood swings, like I'm constantly PMS-ing. (Gack!) One minute I'm like, yeah I'm alright, I'm good, it was fun but it's time it was over... next minute I'm missing the heck out of him again. I don't know if I'll ever be really over him. Maybe I'll love him the rest of my life and waste away pining.

It's just, some couples are meant to be, you know? Maybe we are. Maybe we should get back together. Maybe... WHAT THE HECK AM I SAYING????

Get a grip girl! Hello, live in the real world, can?

*Sigh* Single life is frickin' hard. I'm honestly not enjoying it very much right now. Then again, maybe that's just 'cos I don't have any pretty boys to distract me from my heartache. Where are all the pretty boys? And isn't that a line from a Tanya Chua song?

Where does one go to meet guys? I want a nice respectable guy this time so clubs probably aren't a great place to go. Work's out of the question - there aren't a whole lot of guys to choose from, and whatever's available aren't really. They're married, or old, or just plain weird.

I don't get out much these days 'cos work's crazy, and when I do get out I just hang with old pals. I don't wanna lose touch with my friends, especially now I don't have a 'special friend' anymore. I've never believed in dating friends, so...

Church? Tough, I'm not even settled in. Though I guess since I'm looking for a decent guy it's a good place to start. Oh well. Oh well oh well oh well.

Maybe I'll have to start dating friends. (Oh man!!!!! No...) Or something.

Till then, I've got Jimmy to keep me company.

Some days are hard to get by

Joined Alvin and Sam for church service at PLMC today. It's definitely a break from what I'm used to. No frills, no entertainment, just a simple message and time of worship that in its own way was powerful. I enjoyed it.

The message spoke to me, especially when the pastor said, is there someone in your life that you've been holding on to, that you know you have to let go of. That kinda shook me, I all but broke down. Started crying, couldn't stop. And I thought I had it all under control. These days church services tend to get me a bit weepy. Oh well. Time to start afresh.

Guess I'll try out the cell, see how it goes. Hope it's a better fit than the others I've tried. As it happens, one of the cell leaders is my ex-classmate from Crescent. That's a positive sign, right? At least I know people there. That helps some.

Another little thing that perked me up: I was leafing through The Peak Performance Woman the other day in the bathroom (uh kay, I need to read when I'm in there. So now you know. Too much info? Haha.) and I came across a couple of quotes I really liked. The first one goes: When God wants to send you a gift, He wraps it up in a problem. The bigger the problem, the bigger the gift. Nice. I guess my gift's gotta be pretty big then. Heh. Oh well at least I'm trying to think positive.

The second quote goes: You develop courage by acting courageously whenever you feel like acting otherwise. I like that. Courage.

Anyway, I got this book for my 22nd birthday. Thanks Pete! There are some really great quotes in there ;) Good little lessons to take to heart, really.

Listening to the Blank Walls CD now, the latest offering by The Observatory. All I can say is, Whoa. I love this album so much, it's way cooler than the first one. Already I'm hooked on Acid Pills. And Sea of Doubts is just beautiful, Leslie's voice is so smooth on that one. I'm just sad they didn't include the passing rain song, been waiting for it for so long. Still, downloads available on their new site. Check them out at http://theobservatory.com.sg/main.php?content=content/news.php&currid=0. They're awesome.

Their gig at the Esplanade recital studios on Friday night was just amazing. Despite the hiccups with the sound, they gave a fantastic show. I got the CD, poster and T-shirt, which has a gorgeous funky design. Love love love it. And the CD cover rocks! It looks like a blank black cover, but it's actually heat-sensitive. Under heat the same design that's on the shirt shows up, well a little more of it really. Should have gotten the poster autographed as well, it's up on my wall now. It would look so good with all their autographs on it. Well at least I got the CD cover autographed. Viv addressed it to Mel =P Evan drew a cat haha. Greg got his addressed to Crapshoot. I'm jealous.

And oh the drums! The guitars! The bass! Let's hope someday I play half as well as Victor... I'm totally in awe of him. Man. More guitar practice!!!!!

Which reminds me... Tuesday's a 'holiday' for me. Whee! Planning what to do with my free day now. Probably watch The Cave with Sam. Hope it's good. Maybe I'll watch March of the Penguins then too, if I don't get to watch it tomorrow. We'll see. Looking forward to the movies. I miss the cinema.

Time for bed. Been so tired this week. Trying to sleep earlier but it hasn't been easy. So little time, so much to do. Been trying to SPICE up my life lately (haha okay that's a personal joke, I don't expect anyone to get it). Happy to report that so far I've done (more or less) what I set out to do from last weekend on. Here's my list, or the top 6 anyway...
1. Go out with friends more often, at least once a fortnight
2. Try new churches and join a cell
3. Morning runs on Wed and Fri
4. New and funkier clothes
5. Learn to play guitar
6. More outdoor activities - trekking, diving, kayaking, etc

So far I've:
1. Met up with Sabrina, crashed the GEP party, had dinner with Greg and Alvin, gone bikini shopping with Greg (does he count as a friend? I guess) and I'm planning to meet up with Rey soon. There's also Penguins and The Cave this week. Friends definitely helping with the depression thingy.
2. Tried Sam's church and will try the cell this week
3. Gone for morning runs on Wed and Fri and loved them
4. Bought 1 new funky shirt (guess what colour?), 3 new pairs of undies, and 5 new bikinis. Now I've got something to wear for diving ;) It's nice to shop with an ex, I value his opinion 'cos he knows my body best, and I don't have to worry about awkwardness, 'cos there isn't any. The upside of breaking up. I guess.
5. Had 1 guitar lesson so far. Learned 9 chords and Kumbaya. Sort of.
6. Signed up for diving in a couple of weeks. Hence the bikinis. Whee!

So far, so good. Let's see if I can keep this up.

acid pills
twice a day
down to half a pack of smokes a day
have a drink or two
when i've quit a few
watch the habit catch up with you

give me hope
take me home
gently rub my back
i may breathe shallow
i never know these things
i'm afraid of things
yes i might have blown a fuse or two you know

maybe now
i may rest
turn the sound of hustle-bustle off
i've always made mistakes
it's just my mental state
watch the fear it keeps up with you

some days are hard to get by


Oh yeah anybody interested in the Nokia Starlight Cinema thingy? I wanna go on the 19th for Madagascar.

So Little Time

If Wednesday was good, Friday's better.

On Wednesday morning I had my first run in a long long time. Work was all right. Had a nice dinner after work at Sketches in Bugis Village with my 'sister' Sabrina (we had so much fun trading guy stories! That, and whining about how most guys are jerks. Haha.) and then we crashed my neighbour's birthday celebration. 'WyBe' the pyrotechnic guy was right on form, so we ended the day with fireworks. What can I say? These guys love playing with fire, and I don't blame them. It's pretty fun, although I don't think Sab found it very amusing.

Well, it's Friday (already??? How time flies. I'm glad.) and I'm proud to say it got off to a running start. Waking up earlier than usual and hauling my fat ass out of the driveway has been surprisingly easy so far. And SHOCKINGLY, pounding the pavement is actually as fun as I remember. Whee! Ahhhhh... now I remember why I used to love cross-country running. It's addictive. Seriously. Second session and already I'm experiencing runner's euphoria. It's amazingly relaxing, I have songs going through my head all the time I'm running. 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams' this time. Ending off with 'Complicated'. Apt.

I had a cookie for breakfast. Milk chocolate macadamia, mmmmm... I've only had cookies like those once, when I was in hospital and someone (Jon and Weiwen?) bought me some. They rock! And I had juice and a ham-and-cheese sandwich. Breakfast was good. It doesn't take a lot to keep me happy when it comes to food. I'm a 'jiak loti' girl. And 'kantan'. Haha.

Work's been okay so far. Hopefully I won't have to stay late. :rushrushrushrushrush: 'Cos I got a date with The Observatory tonight!!!!! Whoooooooooooo!!!!!!! So fun. I've been waiting for their new album for a looooong time.

Something to look forward to. Haha. Ok, now back to work. *sigh*