Moments of magic

Sunday morning. Wake up to birdsong. The family of kingfishers is at it again outside our window. Gorgeous.

Joined the 'rents at their church today. In the lift going down, Mom looks at Dad and starts shaking her head. She goes, "Mel, look at your dad. Isn't he horrible?" What? I think Dad looks great. But Mom hates his ensemble. Dad says, "At home don't say. Wait until I'm in the lift then tell me." But he says this with a smile. We get down and hotfoot it to the carpark after Dad... only to see him scratching his head. "Where did I park the car???" The old folks burst into giggles. It's music to my ears. Birdsong and laughter. Magic moments.

Min's hen party today. Well really just one big girls' day out. Spa day! Loved the massage, especially since I'd squeezed in a 10km run between service and meeting the girls. My whole body was aching. Mmmmmmm. Much better now. Ice cream from Cedele after the spa, courtesy of our glowing bride-to-be. We couldn't find the flavour she recommended, so we chose four different flavours instead. Stood out on the sidewalk sharing. (Orchard Road is gorgeous this year, by the way. Where we were standing, a symphony of blue and white, shining globes and delicate crystals. Quite lovely.) A total Kodak moment: all four of us with our spoons in one another's little paper cups, joking and laughing. Another moment of magic.

Sigh. I'm gonna miss those moments.

Weekend sweetness

Q: What will you do with your sphere of influence?
A: 'Twilight' them!

Haha. I'm fanning the flames of fandom in the Twilight fans among my GB seniors. Naughty me =P

BBQ at Grace's place today. Watched Shrek 3 with the girls. Tired myself out playing badminton with one of the boys (no actual court so we ended up playing at the entrance to the activity hall - and kept hitting the ceiling and the walls, heh). Got back Eclipse aka Twilight 3 from Zoe, lent her New Moon aka Twilight 2 again, then lent Eclipse to Shihui (hee!). Ate a ton of sausages and chicken wings (actually, just the drumsticks 'cos somebody gave me all her leftovers), fishballs, satay, chips, cupcakes and melty marshmallows. Yummmm. Didn't actually have to do much cooking - not after I'd burnt the first batch of sausages anyway =P Tried not to get too wet from all the splashing from the girls after they jumped into the pool (fully clothed, I might add!). Got kinda sorta serenaded by two of them - they lured me into a dark corner and sweetly sang me a few bars of Jay Chou's Caihong (Rainbow) accompanied by soft strumming on a borrowed guitar.

Awwwwwwwww... well it was a really sweet setup (I'm such a sucker for people singing and/or playing to me!), except they couldn't remember much of the lyrics. So then they happily scampered off to the pool - 'Pool first, sing later!' I never got the rest of the song though, since they were still in the pool by the time I had to go. I did get to sing a few songs with Grace and her daughter Heidi though. They make such a great team. Heidi said her strumming hand was tired so she asked her mother to strum while she played the chords with her other hand. It actually worked! So cool. Haha. And so sweet too. Another 'awwwwwwww' moment ;)

I love the GB people. I love my girls. I love my weekends. (Hen party tomorrow woot! This one very guai lah. Our dear Raspberry requested low key so we shall bow to the bride-to-be's wishes... no strippers, we promise!) *Smile*

Melancholy is just prettier

Grayscale (Melancholy is just prettier)

You grow up with yourself

You grow old with yourself

You think you know yourself

But you don’t really know yourself at all

And I have to admit I’ve grown blind

To my faults and flaws

I am a law

Unto myself

Can’t tell light from darkness anymore

Mix the black in with the white

Watch it turn to shades of grey

And call it beautiful

Yeah it’s so beautiful

If I took a snapshot of you now

What would I see

What would you be

Monotone monochrome

Or a burst of living colour on a dark dark night

Turn your head and catch the light

Capture your silhouette in my sights

Let’s hear it for gray

‘Cos melancholy is just prettier

The lack of colour

Makes you look past the colour

To the inside

‘Cos we’re all the same inside

We’re all beautiful

********************************

Went shopping with the girls tonight. Great time as usual. You babes never fail me.

Walking out of a shop, we happen across cute pink compacts with stick drawings of smiling girls on the lid. One has a girl wearing a baseball cap and clutching a baseball mitt, with 'Made it to second base!' scrawled under her.

Saf: I always wondered what second base was. Third base too. I know first base is kissing...

Me (equally mystified): And a home run means... sex, right?

Saf: Yeah, so second and third base mean... ?

Far (totally blurts this out): Perky territory!

Say what? We look at one another and crack up.

In another store, after much browsing and consultation, we've finally come to a consensus (PRETTY!). On our way to get our selections gift wrapped, we keep getting inexplicably sidetracked. It's like we're getting sucked from one side of the aisle to the other.

I am first enamored by a pretty pink pillow with a way cool, but very sweet, black flower design. This is maybe ten metres from the gift wrap counter.

Me: Oooooh look at this pillow! I want!

Far: Yeah it would fit right in with your room!

Me: Yeah... (sigh) ok better get to the gift wrap counter.

We don't get very far, however, before Saf spots some funky purple suitcases right opposite, and she's off.

Saf: Look purple luggage!

Me: Don't get sidetracked people, the counter's right there!

Saf: But... it's purple!

Far (almost makes it but looks back): Oh... it IS purple!

Saf reluctantly leaves the funky purple suitcases behind but her attention is almost immediately grabbed by more purple suitcases up ahead. These are bright purple, and one is the hugest-ass suitcase ever.

Saf: Look, it's so purple!

We make it to the counter after about five minutes. And then zigzag our way back out of the store.

But not before we help Saf find some 'suckling plastic'. Huh? Turns out she wanted vacuum packs. Well I've never heard it described quite that way but it does kinda make sense, hey? Suckling plastic. Heheh.

Ai... I'm gonna miss Saf. But yeah she'll be back before we know it. So... bon voyage babe. Hello Pandas forever!

I want you and your beautiful soul

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
Yeah

You might need time to think it over
But I'm just fine moving forward
I'll ease your mind if you give me the chance
I will never make you cry c`mon let's try

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Am I crazy for wanting you?
Maybe do you think you could want me too?
I don't want to waste your time there's not enough time to hide

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your soul
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
Ooooooo
Beautiful soul, yeaaaah
Oooooo, yeaah
Your beautiful soul yeah yeah yeaah yeaah

- Beautiful Soul (Jesse McCartney)

Looks like the standard of Singapore Idol this year has gone up some. Thank God.

Because I am emo kid

Today was one of those days where I wake up feeling so good – just happy to be alive. I stretch and wiggle my toes and snuggle a little more under the blanket and bask in the sunlight streaming in through the trees. I look around: pretty cushions on my bed, pretty curtains, pretty pictures on the wall, pretty birdie decal on the glass window, pretty basket of teddies. My room is so pretty. It’s a great room to wake up in.

I hop out of bed, wash up and throw my clothes on. I’m wearing a stripey blue blouse today with my favourite grey slacks, and my signature wide hairband. The blue makes me happy. The stripes make me happy. I smile at myself in the mirror – it’s gonna be a great day.

(Note to self: I am soooooooo easily satisfied. Honestly. *shakes head* No wonder I’m so bloody happy so much of the time. Not that I'm complaining. Happy is good, as long as it's not mindless. Which I don't think I am. Most of the time anyway...)

Yeah so, happy day, right? I'm not even gonna let the stupid people on the train get to me today. I'll just hold my breath as much as I can, try to avoid getting other people's hair in my face, ignore the shoving, squishing and trampling, and pretend guys aren't staring at me again. (Ok lah, better than girls staring. I find it seriously creepy when girls stare at me. Do they think I'm pretty, do I have food on my face, are they les, what? There was this one girl who did that to me the other day on the train. No change in expression, just superintense focus, like she was trying to laserbeam her way into my head. I ignored her at first, but I could feel her staring even when I turned my back on her. I glanced at her a couple of times. Still staring. No embarrassment. Finally I just kinda glared at her. AND SHE STILL WOULDN'T STOP STARING. Majorly weird. Ugh.)

Anyway, I digress. So I stay determinedly happy throughout the day, listening to music and bopping along. Horrible weather outside (makes me miss my bed) but music always gets me through. I'm anticipating Cat Power in Jan and giving serious thought to Muse as well. Oh and Budak Pantai really soon! Wheeee! My poor dear wallet.

So, ok, music. Head bopping. Happy. It's almost 5.30 - time to go! Then my cellphone rings. Turns out to be a sweet Chinese girl who mispronounces my name.

Sweet Chinese girl: Harro... may I speak to ah... Miss Merani Sim?

Me: Yes?

SCG: Hi, I'm from French Bridal.

(Oh, damn.)

SCG: Can I confirm your wedding date?

(Double damn.)

Me: Ah... sorry, I can't.

SCG: Oh, you haven't confirmed your date yet? Maybe you can give me an estimate so you can come down and see our dresses first...

Me: No, I mean... I don't have a date. I'm not.

SCG: Oh maybe you just come down first lah.

Me: No, I mean I'm not. I'm NOT.

SCG: Huh?... Nevermind you don't need a date, just come first...

(Damn damn damn. She's really not getting this is she? Ok, I'm not exactly making it easy for her, but what the heck am I supposed to say? I'm in the office, which isn't exactly the most private place. And I don't need to advertise what happened. I can't very well say what I want to say, can I? Which is really, "I don't have a wedding date I'm not getting married after all screw the freaking package already".)

She finally gets it, at least I think she does, or she might have just given up on me. I hit 'disconnect' and what do you know, that's exactly how I feel. Disconnected. My hands are shaking. I thought I was over this. God knows, it's been long enough. Just when you think it's all behind you... well life sure is funny that way huh. Haha.

So much for my great day.

Most of the time, it really doesn't matter anymore. I don't think about it. It's just another story from my past. A whole other life. I don't need to fight it or bury it or forget it - it just is. And that's okay. But every now and then I get reminded, usually when I least expect it. And it's just so not funny when that happens. I'd just rather let the memories fade away. There isn't much worth saving.

Now I'm all angsty. So I'm emoting it out here. Writing is therapy, catharsis for me. So, here.

I had dinner at Starbucks yesterday. I ordered a vanilla latte. It tasted good. It made me think of you.

I almost dropped my cream cheese bagel. It made me smile. It made me think of you.

I walked past Ben & Jerry's. (That one twinged a bit.) It made me think of you.

I took the train home. Walked back through the light rain. I was cold. It made me think of you.

I listened to my songs all the way home. Barenaked Ladies. In the Car, The Old Apartment, When You Dream, Break Your Heart, Call and Answer. It made me think of you, and you, and you.

A hundred yous, a thousand us-es. A million yesterdays, hellos and goodbyes.

Just one today.

And what I make of it.

A heart of gratitude

It's a beautiful Sunday afternoon, and I'm just feeling glad, glad, glad. I have so much to be thankful for! As I shared with my parents as we prayed together this morning, I'm just very very blessed. I was telling them about the Girls' Brigade and our team BBQ yesterday and what a great day it was. I love my weekends, I love my girls and I love my team. I'm sooooo glad my colleagues are my friends ;)

Team Rose - October/November babies' birthday celebration.

I haven't done this for a while - actually listed out the things I'm thankful for. I think I did that one birthday. Well, my birthday was a couple of weeks ago and the mini-celebrations (speaking of which, check out the cell group karaoke session heehee!) are finally winding up (last one tonight!) so let's make a list!

I'm thankful for:
1. My beautiful, wonderful family - my supportive, loving parents who are wise in many ways and incredibly patient with me at times (I hope I don't try them too much!) and my darling bro and sis who surprise me every now and then with how sweet and perceptive they are. Awwwww...
2. My friends - all of them! From the really close ones who are always there for me and to whom I can pour my heart out to (and who know ALL my secrets - I'm glad there are some people in this world who know me that well =P), to the ones who encourage and inspire me daily whether they know it or not, to the ones who always make me laugh and think and keep me from dying of stress, boredom or lack of intelligent and meaningful conversation.
3. My home, especially my gorgeous gorgeous room. My sanctuary and instant stress reliever. Not just because of the great colour scheme and decor (heehee) or fantastic view or even my fave books and music, but also because it's filled with lots of love. Most of the objects in my room have a little story behind them, and a large number were gifts from various people in my life. Like the teddy bears on my bed and in the basket behind it, and the little doggies scattered around my bookshelf - almost all came from my dad or my bro or my girlfriends or my guy friends or my ex-schoolmates or, of course, ex-boyfriends. The bowl that holds my potpourri was a Christmas present from an aunt and uncle, as was the perfume on my vanity. The jewellery holder was a birthday present a couple of years ago from my fave bunch of girls - my darling Hello Panda Club! - and the Twilight Calendar behind my CD player was this year's birthday present from my best friend =P I bought the coloured glass bowls on my cabinets on my first visit to my sis in Australia, and the woven handbag on a trip to Phuket with my parents. Even the framed photos on my wall were taken by an ex. So it's a room full of memories. Mostly good ones - at least, those are the ones I focus on ;)
4. My church - my second family! I love the people, I love how I've grown since I've joined it. I love how I have the opportunity to contribute and bless others. Indeed, blessed to bless! ;) I love the Sunday services and how they inspire and refresh me, and help me to keep my eyes on God.
5. My job - my work, my colleagues, and the different opportunities that come with the job. I hope my colleagues will always be my friends - and that we'll keep partying together =P
6. My finances - again and again and again, God meets all my financial needs. Somehow, every time I need money, it just appears. So cool!!!!! I don't think I've ever had to worry about money. It's not like I'm rolling in cash, but I always have just enough to survive on, enough to pay my bills and enough to give away ;) Thank God!!!
7. My youth and my health - I remember how on the Europe trip, Siew May and I were talking to some of the aunties and uncles in our tour group. They were saying they wanted to travel more but there were some places they might not be able to see because they were getting on in years and not in fantastic health. And May and I were so thankful that we could travel while we were still young and fit. Thank God we have the opportunity NOW - and not have to wait till we're retired! And I love running and how it makes me feel - well when the runner's high hits anyway - so alive and free! Same with diving and trekking. I'm trying to pack in as much as I can, while I still can...
8. (Ok this list can go on and on and on, so just the top 8 - I have to leave soon for my last birthday celebration of the year =P) I'm so very thankful I have God in my life. (Is it weird to say thank God for God? Anyhoo.) Yeah, as the song goes, Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt... I'm constantly amazed at how much He cares for me and how much He loves me and how patient He is with me, when some days I must hurt him so deeply. I'll never ever be as good as I strive to be, I keep falling, but He's always there to catch my fall... and He still loves me, this pathetic, fallen, broken human being. Thank God.

I am yours

Who am I? That the Lord of all the earth, Would care to know my name, Would care to feel my hurt Who am I? That the bright and morning star, Would choose to light the way, For my ever wondering heart Not because of who I am But because of what you've done Not because of what I've done But because of who you are I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling, And you told me who I am I am yours I am yours Who am I? That the eyes that see my sin Would look on me with love And watch me rise again Who am I? That the voice that calm the sea, Would call out through the rain, And calm the storm in me Not because of who I am But because what of you've done Not because of what I've done But because of who you are I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling, And you told me who I am I am yours Not because of who I am But because of what you've done Not because of what I've done But because of who you are I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling, You told me who I am I am yours I am yours Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I fear? 'Cuz I am yours I am yours -Who Am I (Casting Crowns) I just learnt this song this morning, at Girls' Brigade. Beautiful, isn't it? I know Who's gonna catch me when I fall ;)