Mellon Collie. Ish.

Phroooooooooooooooooooooo what a long day it's been. Left work close to 11pm and I'm freakin' exhausted now. It was just 'go, go, go, go, go' all the way from the second I stepped into the office this morning. Wow. I need a breather.

In the cab home I was aware of the taxi driver's turn signal light flashing green, it just kept flashing and flashing, tickTICKtickTICKtickTICKtickTICKtickTICKtickTICK till I almost couldn't stand it and yelled at it to shut up. I'm sooooooo getting neurotic. Haha.

Maybe it's 'cos I was up half the night making CD covers. Yeah, finally decided to clothe all my poor naked CDs properly, they were looking so forlorn.

[Edit: That was going to be Monday’s post but blogger crashed on me, so that’s all I managed to save. It’s Tuesday now but since I left work late again, might as well continue in this gloomy vein.]

Yeah so I made CD covers for all my naked CDs, and I came across this totally GORGEOUS pic from DeviantART. So chio!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want a new blog layout now!!!! Sigh. Haha my ex-colleague just asked me if the girl in the pic were me (I had it as my MSN pic). I wish!!!!!!!! Those clothes are HOT. *sssssssssss* I wanna go shopping!!!!!!

Anyway it’s appropriate since I’ve been listening to Goo Goo Dolls a lot lately, and I’m obsessed with black balloons now *giggle* and yeah I just love the pic. It’s like MADE for blogs. And CD covers. Incidentally that pic went on a Goo Goo Dolls CD case. Sigh. *bliss*…

Anyway up late tonight doing work. Brought home 6 chapters. SIX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m about done though, phew! Time for bed. X-Men 3 tomorrow wheeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!! Didn’t have time to watch the X-Men DVD so maybe I’ll watch after the movie tomorrow. It’s showing on TV on Friday (though what are the chances I’ll be home in time? Bwahahaha!!!!!) and X-Men 2 on Sunday. It’s an X-Fest!

Been writing a lot lately. Wish I had better tunes though. I’ve always been a writer, not a composer. Oh well. Someday.

I miss Smashing Pumpkins' Take Me Down. And Said Sadly, though that's not strictly a Pumpkins song. Still I guess it shows they're capable of a nice song now and then. Haha. *So melancholic*

All about the guys

I am supremely proud of the men in my life.

If you haven't already heard, Greg'g passed 2101!!!!!!! After 4 sems (phew!). Which means he's graduating, right on schedule!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PTL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was so excited when he called to tell me yesterday, I stood up right there in my office and did a happy dance. Okay not really, but I felt like it! Yay!!!!!!!! Again.

The full import of this is slowly sinking in. Greg's graduating, he's going to get a job, he's talking to my parents soon. Oh God. This is HUGE. *panic attack*

And yesterday already started off with a bang. My bro Russ got a letter in the morning. Guess what? He's getting the President's Award! Wow!!!! I am so so proud of him, and glad that he's getting some recognition for all that he's done. I know I'm constantly talking about how wonderful my bro is, but he really is. He's such an achiever, so independent, and is the cutest and one of the sweetest guys I know too. Man, I dunno if I'll ever think any girl's good enough for him. Haha.

And Dad has *ahem* got something in the works, I'm praying that it goes through. Anyway, Dad is just Dad. He's great. I wish I could make him as proud as he makes me.

Exciting times! God's really been good to me. Maybe it's fatalistic to say this, but I just hope I don't screw it up. There's a lot going on right now, I don't know where to begin. But that's all good, I love being busy. I'm never really happy just doing nothing. I mean, of course I'm a big fan of just chilling out, but I've always got something else planned before or after. Hee. Much to do now!!! Wheeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mixed bag of nuts

*bouncebouncebounce*

Ok I'm in a happy mood today, as Saf so astutely observed. Just watched American Idol (Kat is gorgeous and Taylor rocks), Project Runway, not to mention Jewel in the Palace (can't believe I'm addicted to that show, but I am) is coming right up, aaaaaaaaaaaand I'm going for Lasik.

Yay!!!!!!

So yesterday the doc sent me home from work to rest my tired eyes. Good thing too, I don't think I could have lasted an hour. I could barely open my eyes, it's almost a miracle I got home at all. I have GOT to sleep earlier. And not wear contacts. Sigh. Hence the Lasik, whooooooo! Bit sooner than expected, but what the hey.

Anyway, I got home and went to sleep, and at 3pm was woken up by my neighbour singing karaoke. Or something. I think he was practising guitar but he was... sorry... awful. He was singing something screechy, could have been Celine Dion I think, and he went over the same lines again and again and again and again. And his guitar-playing wasn't spectacular either. And every now and then he'd stop to yowl. I mean, really, like the cats do when they have sex. Just this 'maaaaoOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!'. I mean, what???????? Strange people.

I've been having such weird dreams lately. Spacemen and samurai, and I wasn't even asleep. And I find everything sad or funny or both. What does it all mean??? Sometimes I think I'm going insane, but maybe it's just withdrawal symptoms from not playing Animal Crossing in 2 weeks.

ANYWAY.

Gotta go, just a quickie before I do.

Three Wishes

Forget the things that were said and done
When it comes to promise, he's never kept one
Pushed to the limit, and pushing the blame
Tossed back and forth till they're going insane
They talk it over and they'll stick to the plan
Grow up, take the rap, take it like a man
Can't see the bleeding beyopnd the smiles
If they go down now, then they'll die with style

So she cry, cries into the dark
Her heart takes a leap on a chance remark
Another little thing that she’ll always keep
Pulling off the petals and she’s losing sleep
So she picks the wound and there is no end
If she’s not okay, she’ll just pretend
Bundle her hurt and hide it away inside her

Life is a game, winner takes all
Crack the code and you get the haul
Kickin’ and screamin’, awake from your dreaming
Never really close to seeing the true meaning
Watch the little kiddies getting down to pray
Did you drop your heart along the way
If we run out we can steal another
These little pin-pricks can be such a bother

Some things you just can’t lose
But you don’t get a vote, you don’t get to choose
No one ever said that life was fair
Your knees will get saggy and you’ll lose your hair
Searching for a reason why
Find no answer until you die
All you have is the one that will stand beside you

Cry, cry into the dark
Take a good shot or you’ll miss your mark
Don’t fear the sound of the lonely waves
Throw yourself in and you might get saved
Close your eyes but don’t hold your breath
Keep on hoping until your death
Cry, cry into the dark
Take a good shot or you’ll miss your mark
Don’t fear the sound of the lonely waves
Throw yourself in and you might get saved
Close your eyes but don’t hold your breath
Keep on hoping until your death
Fallen again, pick yourself up and stand tall
Just stand tall

Counting down to the first day of the rest of my life

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.5
Mind:	5.6
Body:	8.2
Spirit:	7.5
Friends/Family:	5.6
Love:	6.9
Finance:	7.1
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Your Life Analysis:
Life: Your life rating is a score of the sum total of your life, and accounts for how satisfied, successful, balanced, capable, valuable, and happy you are. The quiz attempts to put a number on the summation of all of these things, based on your answers. Your life score is reasonably high. This means that you are on a good path. Continue doing what is working and set about to improve in areas which continue to lag. Do this starting today and you will begin to reap the benefits immediately. (Read more on improving your life)

Mind: Your mind rating is a score of your mind's clarity, ability, and health. Higher scores indicate an advancement in knowledge, clear and capable thinking, high mental health, and pure thought free of interference. Your mind score is not bad, but could be improved upon. Your mental health is not weak, but you are not achieving full mental clarity and function. Learn how to unclutter your mind. Keep learning, keep improving, continue moving forward. Read advice from other quiz-takers on improving the mind.

Body: Your body rating measures your body's health, fitness, and general wellness. A healthy body contributes to a happy life, however many of us are lacking in this area. You have a rather good body score, which is an indication that you take care of yourself. There is room for improvement, however. Please keep doing what works. Eat right, exercise, reduce your stress, treat any illness. Doing these things will help ensure your body will be in good working order for a long time to come. Read advice from other quiz-takers on improving the body.

Spirit: Your spirit rating seeks to capture in a number that elusive quality which is found in your faith, your attitude, and your philosophy on life. A higher score indicates a greater sense of inner peace and balance. Your spirit score is relatively high, which means you are rewarded by your beliefs. Spirituality is clearly important to do. Never let it slip, and continue to learn and grow. Read advice from other quiz-takers on improving the spirit.

Friends/Family: Your friends and family rating measures your relationships with those around you, and is based on how large, healthy, and dependable your social network is. Your friends and family score is not bad but can be improved. Maintain your current social net, while you try to expand it. Try new things and form new friendships. You will be rewarded greatly.

Love: Your love rating is a measure of your current romantic situation. Sharing your heart with another person is one of life's most glorious, terrifying, rewarding experiences. Your love score is in good shape, meaning that things are going well. Do all you can to maintain it, and continue to grow and move ahead. Read advice from other quiz-takers on finding and maintaining love.

Finance: Your finance rating is a score that rates your current financial health and stability. You have a rather good financial score, which is not all that common these days. Keep doing what works. Avoid common pitfalls and save for the future. You will be glad you did. Read advice from other quiz-takers on improving your finances.


Heehee. Got this off Greg's blog. I love evaluating my life, and I think it's really important to do this on a regular basis - and you get an idea of just how much I believe in this when I say I set aside time to do this EVERY MONTH: I follow my Dad's SPICES rule, evaluating my life in the following: Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Connectivity (that means relationships), Emotional and Satisfaction (as in personal freedom etc etc). I have to keep track of where I'm headed, and this way really keeps me pointing in the right direction =P I've been doing this since... *checks records* August last year. Wheeeeeeeeeeee!!!! It's really fun ;)

Been working more on the last 3 lately. Meeting up with friends and just chilling out. Pretty much covers everything! So far I've met up with Lionel, the HPC girls and Sam, Peiyu (Way too brief! Must meet again soon), the guys. Meeting Weiwen soon, and Eric. And hopefully, after I meet Weiwen, we can kickstart the ol' bridge club again!!!!! With the 3 original members: Mr W, Benny, and yours truly. We never had a fixed fourth, we always had a special 'guest' - that means whichever poor sap we could sucker in to spend the day swapping cards with us. We've had, if memory serves, Eddie, Fai, Jack, Maojie, Junjie, Calvin, Joshi, Candice, I think at one point Aloysius too. Wow. All those people, and no fixed fourth???!!!!! Sadness.

Haha anyway. If Jack says yes, we can start playing again. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Living Dangerously

Listening to Goo Goo Dolls, but for some reason I've got Foo Fighters songs running through my head. Aiyar, just feeling really emo lah. Maybe it's hormones, but... not really. Just feeling nostalgic and really melancholic. Reality kicking in. Maybe I'm getting cold feet. Ugh.

Thinking about life, the universe, and everything. That's quite a lot of stuff on my mind. The whole meaning of life, and in particular, the meaning of MY life. If there is one. What do I really want? And how do I get there? Are the sacrifices I have to make worth it?

I don't know, like I never have.

I'd like to say I have no regrets in life. That's my motto, 'No regrets'. But then since when was life perfect? Of course I have regrets. If I could live my life over, I would, in a heartbeat. All these things that I have done. Would I trade them for the person I am today? I'll take my chances. Even if everything I had were taken from me (sigh), maybe I'd be... better able to live with myself. So... who have I let down? Or am I, like the sad-faced policeman, betrayed?

Questions I can't answer. And more.

Hooboy. I've had lyrics running through my head all day. Very random, annoying and terribly disorienting. Oh some of them aren't mine, if that's what you're thinking. Those that belong to me, I wrote down. I'll string them together someday, and maybe then they'll make sense. Till then, bits and pieces... just another unwritten song. I seem to be at a lyrical impasse now.

This is the song I wrote yesterday. I kinda liked it then, but now I absolutely hate it. It sucks, but what the hey, here it is anyway. This one's for you, even if you don't know it, even if you never read it.

You Were Right

You were there when I needed you
All the time I needed you
All this time unheeded,
You were right there
You were right
You were there when I needed you
All the time I needed you
All this time unheeded,
You were right there
You were right

I'm sorry for the lies
That hide the ugly truth
Forgive these hungry eyes
Forgive my wasted youth
Standing aloof
Is a skill I never mastered
Can't get far enough away

I've tried, I can't leave
I know I'm not that brave
Clinging to the dreams I weave
All the world to save
Everything I gave
I didn't think really mattered
Now I know, I face it everyday

You were there when I needed you
All the time I needed you
All this time unheeded,
You were right there
You were right
You were there when I needed you
All the time I needed you
All this time unheeded,
You were right there
You were right

A little peace of mind
Don't tell me what I want to hear
I'm sure I'll learn in time
You're not the one that I should fear
I'll be right here
When the myth is shattered
You will go and I will stay

You were there when I needed you
All the time I needed you
All this time unheeded,
You were right there
You were right
You were there when I needed you
All the time I needed you
All this time unheeded,
You were right there
You were right
You were right there
You were right for me

I'm sorry, I think I've been here before. If I have, I can't remember how it turns out. I'm still living in a fantasy world, remember? I hope it has a happy ending. But then, reality twists. So I guess one never really knows.

Don't worry if you're not getting any of this. In all probability, I'm just as sane as you are. I can explain, but I won't.

OWWW. This is nuts.

Back at work, having lunch, surfing for ideas for errr, something for someone. Heh. I just tried a ginger nut, and for the first time I realise just why these little buggers are called 'nuts'. The reason is this: they're frickin' HARD.

My teeth hurt. I think a piece of one just chipped off... I mean, owwwww. These nuts aren't the usual ones I buy, the big crunchy tasty ones that don't break your teeth off. Nope, this is a new brand, and already I regret buying not one, but TWO packets. When I couldn't find the usual brand at the supermarket I picked this one up, I thought, how bad could they possibly be? They're ginger nuts! I love ginger nuts! Even if they suck, I'll just finish them off fast and go back to the usual brand, no problemo. But as it turns out finishing them fast is gonna be near-impossible, given that it took me like, 10 minutes to finish the first bite of my first and quite possibly last cookie. I had to like, suck on it till pieces got mushy enough to melt away. Disgusting, I know.

I suppose the upside is that I won't be gobbling down whole packets at a go now, and it's highly unlikely that I'll get a sore throat from too many ginger cookies. Then again, I just spent over 200 bucks on my pearlie whites!!!! (Okay, so I flatter myself. Whatever.) Oh, somthing soft for the poor aching teef pleeeeease. I'm so glad I've got french toast for lunch today. Delicious and so SOFT...

You know, I'm not so sure I want dinner tonight =/

Back to being emo

It's been a great weekend ;)

Spent most of Saturday with Lionel, just catching up. It was really fun in an ultra-laidback kinda way. Hey, it was good seeing you. I really missed ya! =P Thanks for playing to me, including all my favourite Goo songs (plus a beautiful Acoustic #3), and for sharing your own. I love your songs, especially the first one... completely gorgeous. You're really talented. Seriously, make an album. I'd buy it ;)

I love being sung/played to. Argh, I'm just a sucker for guitar-wielding dudes. Haha. That's the sentimental side of me talking. If we ever do this again, play me Closing Time please? It's one of my favourite songs in the world. Yes, it does have special meaning for me. Ah, memories...

Anyway, I think all that Damien Rice and James Blunt-ness have left me a little more emo than usual. I wrote something tonight. But I'll post it later, if I post it at all - it's a tad melancholic and this is supposed to be a happy post. Wish I could play guitar so I could figure out the chords. Haha. Still working on the melody for the chorus, but the rest is ok. 15 minutes! Heh. I'm getting faster.

Anyway, happy post. So, what happened today? Farah's birthday surprise! Yes dear, I hope all the playing deaf and blind and dumb (in every sense of the word) paid off! Haha, it was so much fun (was it not???)! Managed to finish the Big Walk at super-speed this morning, rushed to get the movie tickets and pick up food for the potluck, dashed home to shower and then whisked myself off to Saf's to blow balloons and errr, watch TV till Far arrived. We had popper guns and cans of silly string all ready when our birthday girl arrived, and wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! Shiok man. It was almost cathartic, popping those things. And silly string over everyone and everything. Cold, but so pretty and colourful. Hahahahaha. And Saf videotaping everything!

There were 7 of us at Saf's - the Hello Panda Club + Sakina, Saf's sis + Sam + Azrifah. Crescent chick gathering, the largest the HPC has organised in, ah, ever, I think. There's something to be said about Crescent, 'cos somehow all the CGS girls I know are farny lah. As usual, laughter every 10 seconds, over the most inane things. Man, Crescent got something right. I almost miss those days.

I almost miss JC too. Sam and I were protesting that we actually enjoyed our time in JC when everyone else (except Sakina) said how much they hated JC. Azrifah looked at us and said, "Which JC were you from?" We answered, "ACJC!" and she rolled her eyes at Farah, "No wonder lah." Hahaha. I'm proud to be an AC alumnus. Those were good times.

Guess what? We actually cooked lunch! Well okay, Saf and Sakina cooked spaghetti and meatballs, and fish fingers, and I bought frozen pizza and canned fruit cocktail. But still. We made lunch. Yay! And the custard was so delicious. Yum... I swear, I dunno what you put in it Saf, but mine really tasted like milk chocolate. I want the recipe! Not that I'll actually use it, I'll just get my mom to make it. Hee.

Anyway, so after lunch we gave Far her presents: a red beads-and-string necklace, a pink crystal bracelet, a pink belt and a white clutch bag with a pink belt for decoration. And we made her put them on and take pictures. Then we put eye make-up on her, did her nails and her hair and took more pictures. I'll post some as soon as Sam sends them over. Aiyah, Farah, don't be so shy. Pretty lah!

Then we had the cake - a pink, creamy strawberry one. Ohhhhhhhhh, too much food. Haha. We ended the day with Ben & Jerry's ice cream at Grand Great World after watching The Da Vinci Code, over discussion about the movie. Hmmmm, well I guess it's entertainment for the masses, but please folks, it's just fiction. Don't take it too seriously. Sigh.

After ice cream, I met Greg at Bar None to check out Force Vomit and Futon. Force Vomit's not bad, albeit rather generic; Futon has tons of energy and attitude to spare, but I have to say I wasn't impressed with the actual singing. Great charisma though, even though they didn't actually strip down to their underwear, which they've apparently been known to do. Oh well, there's always next time... haha...

A weekend well spent. The coming week's looking mighty busy too, and hopefully I'll be meeeting up with more friends along the way. I'll be at Peiyu's graduation from The Great Comission Training Centre tomorrow evening. Yay! So proud of you, mummy! You're making a difference in the world. Not many people can truly say that ;)

In celebration, here's something I dug up from my store of 'poetry' from JC. (There's a lot more of this stuff than I thought there was. I wanna get it published someday. Haha.) I wrote it for you back in 2000, and it's probably one of my better ones. Remember this? =P

FISHIE FREN
I have a fren, a fishie fren,
But that’s a silly name!
She clucks just like a mother hen
Tho’ she’s anything but tame!
She’s got no gills, no fins, no tail,
She’ll sink instead of swim
And if you tease her, she’ll just wail,
“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat!”, then look real grim.
When she means ‘yes’, she’ll always say,
“No ahh!” I wonder why?
And when she really means ‘No way!’
“Yes ahh!” is her reply.
Her ‘no’ is ‘yes’, and ‘yes is ‘no’…
She’s mad! (I’m so sure LOR!)
Well, tell her that, she’ll just say, “So?
Meh-la-ni is madder, HOR?”
To sit beside this fish all day
Is such a scary task!
You think it’s fun? Hey, don’t play-play!
To survive is all I ask!
But, still, now and then
This fishie makes me glad.
‘Cos this fishie fren, my fishie fren,
Is the best fishie I ever had!

Haha. You have to know Peiyu (or how she used to be) to appreciate the poem. But if you DO know her (or how she used to be), am I spot-on or what???? Hahahahaha. For the benefit of those who haven't had the pleasure of making her acquaintance, Peiyu's nickname is 'Fish' (because of the 'yu' in her name) and she couldn't swim at all back in JC. And if you haven't already guessed, she was pretty contradictory with regards to 'yes' and 'no'. Can't wait to see her again!

Well, time for bed. New week, and that's a good thing, right? ;)

Welcome to the wheeeeeeeeeeeee!kend

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just back from Tioman, so excited! Well err, not really excited that I'm back of course. I miss Tioman, at least the dives. I missed showering with actual water pressure while I was there though!

Anyway, I'm excited 'cos it's the weekend, after just 2 days at work! Haha *cheat*. Just got our books back so next week on I'll be absolutely swamped... my boss told me to enjoy this weekend 'cos it's the last free weekend I'll be having for the next 2 months. Eh. Die lor. But anyway, I'm packing this weekend with as much fun as I can possibly have, to make up for my probable lack of social life in the weeks to come. So far, this weekend's looking good. (Shhhhh, don't jinx it!!!!!)

Haha lessee... waiting for Greg to come pick me up for a movie. Or something. And then tomorrow, after various errands in the morning (and more various errands at night too sigh), I'm meeting my dear friend Lionel for lunch at Holland V!!!!!!! Yes, he's FINALLY back from Canada!!!! (Missed ya so much Lion!) And he's gonna play me Goo Goo Dolls songs!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahaha. Okay, so I've been waiting for that for a long time. And we'll maybe go to Settler's too. So fun!!!

And Sunday is gonna be jam-packed!!!! Big Walk in the morning with Dad and my colleagues, followed by a mad rush to Saf's for Far's surprise birthday thingy at 12. Argh!!!! I still don't know what I'm bringing for the potluck! Will prob have to shop on Sat evening or something. Pizza and garlic bread? Chicken wings?? MacDonald's???? Hahahahaha. Okay so Saf's place, and then... 'kay this part don't say first. I'll post pictures after hahahahaha. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

Okay, Greg will be here soon. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!! As you can tell, I'm kinda *excited*. Haha.

Breaking the silence

Well, so I finally gritted my teeth and took the bull by the horns last night, only to find out... it wasn't really a bull at all, just a rather gently bemused cow. (Pardon the analogy, and I do like cows.)

Sometimes, when you really talk to people, you realise they aren't quite what you thought they were. Or who they're made out to be. Coming from the horse's mouth, it's a different perspective. (What's with the animals today? I'm having lunch, that must be it.) Moral of the story: Stop listening to other people, 'cos you can't trust anyone but yourself. Sad but true.

The past 2 weeks have been good, relationship-wise. I've rediscovered 2 long-lost friends (glad they still remember me), taken a step forward with another, and made a new friend. I'm thankful for the short lull in the office that allows all this, although my social life still hibernates during the week, mostly, and connecting with friends is left to the weekends. Not really looking forward to what's coming after the Sunway trip - it's gonna get ugly. Sigh.

But still. Let's focus on the good things, like the Sunway trip! And diving after, of course. I've just spent close on 400 bucks on dive gear and equipment, ouch. Will be pretty broke after my holiday haha. There goes the Progress Package. But then, it's my first holiday in at least half a year so I don't mind spending... I just wish it were longer.

As Shan would say, oh wells.